My Autumn Road

2012-01-02T13:07:00.000-09:00

When I was in our Kansas college, a mere 16 years ago, my California roommate taught me a phrase: Major Buuuuurr! I miss Merv. She's the best! (That's not her real name, but I still call her Merv, though it's pronounced Murv. I could tell you were wondering.)

While this photo is not quite accurate (it was -25 *F last night), it does give a glimpse of the recent weather.

That said, I did just come in from my walk with my dog and felt that the +3*F temperature was rather balmy. We had a lovely long snowshoe walk through the woods. The snow is just perfect for it. It's packed pretty stiff in the base, but has some nice fluffy snow on top to keep it soft. We tried to get lost in the woods by meandering around, but as soon as I thought we'd succeeded, I recognized the low swamp area we had come to. We followed it around to the previous path I had walked just a week before with my mom. I came back feeling refreshed and reminded that snowshoes work best off the trail!

During this walk, I started pondering the suggestion that my husband made; that I start writing - for real. I feel incredibly daunted by this possible task, even though I've had several people encourage me to do just this. Writing on this blog is really just for me. It's a place for me to get out thoughts that I have and no one really criticizes it. At least not the writing part! It is a safe place for me. My Christmas letter this year brought many comments, though I can't really understand why. I guess I pepper information with just enough humor to make it entertaining to read, because really, are update letters really that fun to read? It was funny, though, to think about what I would or could write. The only thing I really know a lot about is me. I can't imagine people would want to read about that. I also have no idea about format. Articles, short stories, a novel? No, not a novel - way too ambitious. I suppose I could start with an article and see if anyone is interested. Again, my question would be; about what?! I guess I could just start and see what pops into my head. That could be scary! As often as I change jobs, it would probably be a prudent move to prepare for a possible future occupation! Yes, I'm fond of alliteration. It's a cheesy fault of mine!

In an effort to give this little brain of mine some exercise, I am going to try to make writing here a more frequent discipline. I can tell you are all just holding your breath. All 3 of you. Thanks, Mom! Seriously, I hope this will give me a push to see my world in a different light and find the fun and joy in it! If nobody reads it, then it will simply be my online notepad! With pictures. I like to read things with pictures!

My "Weird" Family

2011-11-14T11:59:00.000-09:00

I came home a week ago from spending a couple weeks with my family.

I've heard it before, but was reminded just recently how "weird" we were.

You see, we all really love each other.

I have 3 siblings and they are all married, like me. We all love to hang out together, play the same games, discuss the same topics (mostly), and of course, eat together! As I get older and more learned, I have discovered that this bonding we do is not normal. It's not that we haven't all gone through tough times, because we have, but it's that we are all truly "there" for each other. We all really love each other in the truest sense of the word.

There are so many reasons that this has happened in our family, but primarily because God wanted it to happen. I believe that. We simply have been obedient. I am so blessed.

Because of this blessing, I must show off some of my fabulously "weird" family and all our gooey, lovey-dovey selves!!

My brother's girls are in soccer and I was so excited to see them "play!" It was mostly running around and sometimes getting near the ball. Pretty fun! I've seen their oldest boy play before, so we missed his game to see the girls'.

I really, really love this girl!!

I also had the chance to see my grandparents! It was a special time and I got to see how funny my grandma can be! She's got some spunk at 89!!

Halloween was fun with all the costumes and candy! Plus, I love these jars my sis and her kids made!!

I had lots of time to play with my N&N's. Here we were playing "Nap Time." I wish we could play this more often. Only for real. Oh, and this was on a twin bed!! It was all snuggly!!

On your mark...get set..."Watch Me Jump!!!!!"

I also got to spend some sweet time with my in-loves! These kids have grown up so much!! I really enjoyed spending time with them and hearing them read their stories!

I am truly blessed. I love my family, and I'm pretty sure they love me back! It's an unusual set of relationships that I cherish and protect. What a gift.

Autumn Beauty

2011-10-20T07:46:00.001-08:00

Autumn is my most favorite season! The colors are outstanding and vivid! I couldn't help but share just a "few" of my glimpses of this incredible beauty.

A Heart for Freedom ~ Book Review

2011-10-16T15:27:00.000-08:00

Chai Ling opens herself up in a daring, courageous step to share her story. It's not just the story of the Tienanmen Square Protests, but of a girl's growing up in a country about which I honestly know little. I do remember the news reports of the incident, and I have heard little bits of information about China's policies from time to time. This story opened my eyes to the real people behind the statistics.

I was engaged in Chai Ling's story from the start. Giving the details of her upbringing gave me greater understanding of the depths of her struggles. A familiar need to be acknowledged from family and culture takes shape in a literal foreign place, yet resonates with that same longing in all of us. I felt as if I could relate, yet my world is so far from hers. I soaked up the new understanding, from at least one perspective, of the Tienanmen Protests. In doing, I felt keenly aware of my apathy toward China; convicted, really. This story gave real faces to the story and I realized their struggles continue. This was a true page-turner. I wanted to know what happened to Chai Ling, but also felt that I had gained a valuable history lesson. I've also come to a deeper understanding of what the "one-child" culture can do, specifically to women. I can't imagine being without my siblings, and I can't imagine not having the right to decide about my own reproductive rights.

As a Human Rights Advocate, I love the stories that propel me to action. A sad story with nowhere to go is a hopeless tale, but Chai Ling weaves hope into her story and finally reveals where that hope comes from. Her faith in Jesus is an encouragement to me, but her action in faith is what makes me want to know her. She is a true testament to what Living Faith looks like. She takes what she can and gives it to Jesus to "feed the Five Thousand." Her revelations of what pressures the government place on women are atrocious, and it struck my heart.

I received this book from the publisher to review, but would buy it in a heartbeat. This is a story that needs to be heard and shared. I recommend it, highly, as well as her website: allgirlsallowed.com

Rainbows

2011-09-18T15:49:00.001-08:00

Rainbows are so beautiful. They are this burst of color in an otherwise dark gray sky. Rays of red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple.

We've had a lot of rainbows here lately. Our pastor said he'd never known how much it could rain in one place. He thinks it will never stop until it turns into snow!

Have you ever noticed that rainbows don't last for very long? One morning last week I took my dog for his morning walk in the drizzle, I looked up and saw this perfect rainbow. It was so much more breathtaking than these pictures could ever portray.

The darker the background, the brighter the rainbow.

I was reminded that only with the rain can you ever see a rainbow.

Only after the roads have been muddied, can you look up and see beauty.

Rainbows are so beautiful!

Purpose

2011-09-10T10:16:00.001-08:00

We are all created for purpose.

Those of us who know Christ know the grand purpose of living in such a way as to make Him known.

But aren't there also smaller purposes?

I've been in a small struggle with discovering that "smaller" purpose.

It seems that I have been only lightly searching and consistently failing. I typically move every 3 years (though it's been 4 in this house!), change jobs at least every 5 years, and become restless even more often.

I don't have children, but I do have lots of opportunities to be around them and make a difference. I would like to be around my nieces and nephews more, but I still get to participate in their lives, and if I may be so bold, I feel a little more of a "special effect" since I live in Alaska! I don't feel that this is a loss that I feel, but it still remains that there is a lack of purpose.

My love of nature and former career in Landscape Design was very satisfying, but still left a gap. It seemed crazy to expect payment for a service that was somewhat meaningless other than visually pleasing. It was a difficult balance for me. I understand the pull to farm so much more - as it provides something much more necessary. I will always love the beauty of the amazing varieties that God has provided (and continues to) and I will never discount the work others do, but it left something missing for me.

So what does this mean? I don't really know. I just know that I have so many opportunities to discover my smaller purpose that contributes to my greater purpose! I am thankful to be in a place that offers me this freedom. And promise.

Out Live Your Life by Max Lucado ~ Book Review

2011-08-16T19:45:00.001-08:00

Perhaps it was bad timing.

I got into a reading frenzy of reading about how to radically change the Christian Walk to make it more of a "living" and less of a "studying." Max Lucado brings his book, "Out Live Your Life; You Were Made to Make a Difference" into that mix.

Perhaps I should have taken a break from the others before reading this one. Lucado does a fine job of presenting very valid and motivating reasons why our lives should really be different and how they can make a difference; a REAL difference. The content of the book is good. Probably really good, but I wasn't able to get past some of the verbiage that made me almost feel as though it was too simple. I like to be challenged and this didn't really push me. Again, I think it may have been because I had already been challenged by about 5 or 6 other books that were similar in message.

If you enjoy Max Lucado, I would recommend this book. Even if you don't know him well, I think this book is worth reading, though I think others are a step above.

I was not compensated for this review other than the free book from the publisher.

8 Pound Plan

2011-08-14T17:40:00.000-08:00

This picture has nothing to do with the title of this post. It is a sign that I don't want to show my "before" picture!! My sister and I are on our new 8 Pound weight loss plan! We have a goal to loose 8 pounds in the next 2 months. If we feel really good, we may go to the 10 pound realm, but we are sticking to our 8 lb range!

My plan, you ask? Well, I dug out my pilates DVD's and will be using them as well as walking my dog at least 1 mile every day. I'd love to get a treadmill, but only if a garage sale will give a good deal! I'm also going to try and be disciplined with my sweet tooth. I'm not sure what that will mean, but I'll be giving an account of my snacking to my sis, so I guess as much as I want to share with her will be what I eat!

Why are we doing this? I am not excited to enter the winter months at my upper weight range. I'd like to not be at this range in general. I don't feel like I am overweight or anything, but if I don't change my patterns now, this 8 pound goal will grow to something much more difficult. I'd much rather tackle small goals in the weight loss realm. (just in case anyone thought I was too caught up in weight loss!)

I'm not sure I'll keep up my progress here, but hopefully in 2 months I can share the results!

Bedtime

2011-07-15T20:12:00.000-08:00

Sometimes you just have to get off the couch, go outside, and you will be blessed! I am so fortunate to have my husband push me out of my comfort zone when I am clearly not comfortable there. He is such a catalyst for me to see God's gifts! Plus, on a practical side, being outside is better for one's oxygen intake, physical activity, and mental stimulation in a real-time way!

Oh, did I mention we caught fish?! I caught the most, but Pat's single catch was the biggest! We had a wonderful time and even had a "double" - when we both caught one at the same time!

And to think we could have missed this by going to bed on time.

It's a Good Day

2011-06-16T19:15:00.000-08:00

Life is not perfect.

I still don't have what I wish.

And yet, it is a good day.

It is a beautiful day.

My mom came to visit, and we got to share so much of the beauty of this place.

The majesty of His creation.

We had the chance to spend time in the woods in this beautiful cabin on this gorgeous lake.

It was a good day.

It has been a tough week, but through it all, I have so much for which I am thankful.

So much.

It's a good day.

2011-05-29T23:02:00.001-08:00

O.K., this first picture is just for the posterity thing since I mentioned I'd be getting a new 'do! I really do like it! It's given me a lift that I didn't anticipate. I actually feel like getting ready and take a little pride in myself. I was getting a little "blah" about myself and such, so this was a good pep up.

A week ago, my husband and I went out to a local lake and spent a quick night out camping.

We've been sensing some changes in our plans, and it was feeling a little overwhelming. We needed a get-a-way from real life for a little reflection and reminder that God does have it all under control. Interesting that being away from all the comforts of life and out in His creation can give you that clear perspective. Makes one wonder how much those comforts cloud our hearts and minds.
I'm so thankful that we were able to get away and decompress. It was good to breathe in the calm and serenity.

Unfortunately, the week came and work was the usual thing and the house still hasn't sold and this and that. I still struggle with the waiting for what God must have planned. I wish I could just close my eyes, hear the loons calling over the water and be filled with that sense of calm. Sometimes it just eludes me. This limbo that I live in gets old and tiresome. Dare I say I need roots?

Let's not get too far ahead of myself!

Let's just say I want a glimpse of what is really ahead. I have been waiting for a while now. A whole 14 months. Wow. That sounds so slight when I compare it to the 3, almost 4 years a friend of mine has waited to bring her son home tomorrow.

I've been learning so much about the power of thanksgiving. It's a popular topic, and I haven't jumped on the bandwagon, but rather feel dragged along by it. Kicking and screaming. I'm trying, but it is so hard. God has shown me that many of His answers come after a time of thanksgiving. While I don't want to employ any type of magical formula to God, I realize that He does things on purpose, and this pattern may hold more than just a final wish known. Perhaps in this journey of looking for that which I am thankful, I will realize how full my life is and pine less for what I wish.

I hear them...if I try.

Makeover

2011-05-06T19:38:00.000-08:00

It was time for me to refresh. The blog and myself.

I made a hair appointment. I plan on spending a ridiculous amount of money on my hair. I absolutely hate to do it (really), but this "blah" feeling has got to change! I think it's time to change it up and I can't do it myself.

Sounds like the rest of my life. I need to make some long-term changes that I can't do myself. I've somehow let myself gain some habits that I don't like and don't help me. Most of these are mental habits. I realized that my thought patterns are different than they used to be. I used to be extremely flexible and rarely stressed over anything (to my husband's utter dismay). I had very little fear in life.

Now I'm afraid. I'm afraid that things will stay the same. I am very strange in this, I know, but I've never loved "stability." I've loved the constant change in life and the new challenges that bring new learning. The limbo that we are in right now with the waiting of our house to sell (13 months now) is frustrating. I feel boxed in, closed up, claustrophobic, powerless.

My plan (thanks to the prompting of friends' suggested reading and other ways of the Holy Spirit) is to actually employ the tactics that I have been avoiding for months. Counting my blessings. Praising the Lord. Being grateful. In other words, being pro-active against my "Eve-Complex."

As spiritual as it all sounds, I still need a physical jump-start! Thus, my hair appointment next Thursday.

A fresh start.

Stepping Out

2011-04-25T20:26:00.001-08:00

Yeah, this moose is just prancing on the top of the quickly melting lake ice. This is actually a rare sight, as they typically have more sense than this. Plus there's no food out there. It's all around the safe shores. But isn't it fun?! Daring...Exciting, even?!

I feel a little like stepping out.

OK, not exactly. This was my "Easter Outfit."

Notice the rotting ice behind me. A day or two before this shot and a day or two after the moose was out, I stepped out on the ice and heard a huge POP! The ice cracked loudly.

The funny thing was, instead of stepping back onto the safe shores, I ran out onto the ice into the middle.

You see, the ice is really thick in the middle and thinner around the edge.

I find it really interesting that I chose this direction instead of the safe shore walk. It would have been longer, but certainly safer. (The only real danger was dipping a few inches - the ice is still feet thick!)

I feel a little like my life is very similar. I feel like I just heard the POP and my next move is to jump out, not back. I'm needing to run out to the middle where even though I know it's solid, my adrenaline is pumping! I also know that when I get across, I'm going to have to trust that I can jump to safety again. It also feels like it shouldn't make sense: like the moose, it doesn't feel like there's anything out here. I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing, and there is certainly a burst of fear-ridden adrenaline, but ultimately I know I'll be safe.

God does not ask us or push us out to places where we will sink. He does put us in places where we will sink without Him. He wants our complete dependence, complete trust, complete self. I want to step out in complete reliance on my Savior who put Himself on a Cross for me. There is nothing He will ask of me that will compare to what He did for me.

My "Eve" Complex

2011-04-03T18:15:00.000-08:00

Evidenced from my lack of interest in blog-world, I've had a rough winter.

I think it's a combination of several things; lack of sunlight (Seasonal Affective Disorder), Vitamin D deficiency, not enough exercise, and some complacency of negative thinking. I have happy lights and vitamins, but honestly, I'm having trouble with more exercise! I'm hoping that with the brightening sunlight and melting snow, this will resolve itself in no time. I'm also thinking the happy lights could go away til October.

The negative thinking has been a harder one to acknowledge and change. I have done Bible studies on the topic, heard sermons, and even discussed the benefits of positive mental attitudes, but somehow this winter I just could not see past the things which I did not have. A wise man (not my husband, this time) explained this as the "Eve Complex." As wonderful of a life, perfect really, as Eve had it, she still could not see past the one thing (literally) that she could not have. This has had a huge impact on me. I have always looked down on Eve and could not understand why she did it. I don't have quite the perfect life that Eve had, but I had focused too much on what I was missing, and not enjoying what I have, just like her. This is an extremely simple version, but simple things are not always easy.

I've also discovered that I am a linear thinker. Almost to a perfectionist level. Instead of feeling as though things are good if they are "pretty good," I think of things as either bad or perfect. You can see where this will set me up for disappointment. I was challenged recently to consider being content with things if they are less than perfect. Let me share how freeing this can be when practiced! And practice it takes, at least for me, I've found.

After sharing some about my struggles, I have discovered I am not in a minority. To avoid the "misery loves company" idea, I'd rather share to help others to avoid this little quick-sand-trap. I also believe that this is not just a positive thinking idea, but rather a very Biblical model. Philippians 4 talks about what we are to pursue with our minds. David prays that God would search his thoughts to check him if he is heading in the wrong direction in Psalm 139:23-24. Paul talks frequently about the power of our thoughts; among which how we ought to take each thought captive to the obedience of Christ in his 2nd letter to the Corinthians.

Knowing that I struggle with this specifically in the winter, I hope that I can remember the importance of placing my thoughts under the authority of the Holy Spirit who dwells in me. I'll admit that I often chose to wallow, thinking I'd just get over it in a day or two, but allowing that little bit is dangerous. Stepping into quicksand just a little is enough to get stuck. And sink. Just ask Eve.

Scripture Memory

2011-02-02T19:12:00.000-09:00

#3!

Psalm 115:1

Not to us, O LORD,
not to us,
But to Your name give glory.
Because of Your
lovingkindness, because
of Your truth

I've been working at Love INC (In the Name of Christ) for a month now. I've had the opportunity to help several people. It has been amazing. I love it! I also want to make sure that I don't get the credit. I do it all to lift up the name of Christ, not Melissa. I am in position to help others because God blessed me. I may be on the other side of things someday, and I hope others will step up and help me so we can all rejoice in Jesus' name together!

My husband and I are struggling on how to share the passions that God has given us, and somehow keep from bringing the attention to us. We don't want to share what we've been doing in order for people to "wow" us, but we do want to encourage others to try what we've tried. We have found such an excitement to life in Christ, and we want others to "get it" like we finally are starting to. One way we try to keep ourselves grounded is to keep our activities bathed in prayer and to ask ourselves when we talk to people is, "What is my motivation?". We want to have God glorified in all we do.

Prejudice

2011-01-27T14:32:00.001-09:00

Stereotypes or prejudices exist where relationships don't.

I just read this from my friend's blog. Her husband said this in response to her asking about the inevitable looks from others about their impending mixed race family. I loved it. It is so true. It is beautiful.

I wish I wasn't, but I have to admit that I am prejudiced. I pre-judge others all too often. I judge whether people are worthy of my kindness or grace, or rather my lack of. I don't hear their stories or listen to their hardships. I don't want to relate to them because I know that will require something from me that I am just not willing to give (rarely money). I just assume people are where they are by choice. I am reminded that we aren't the ones who choose where we are born. Yes, we have some choices, but others are out of our hands.

Skin color
Genetic diseases
Education
Abuse
Income (yes, this can be out of our hands)

I could probably list so many more.

I've recently had some of my ideas of what homeless people look like adjusted. Around here, it's not the drunken older man with a beard. The average homeless person is a nine year old child. Nine. Third grade.

Do you think they have a choice in their lives to be there? I'd be willing to bet they aren't getting a lot of good modeling in which to emulate either.

My first instinct is to be angry with the parents. Unfortunately, many are unable to even know where to start to get out of their homelessness. This is often a generational issue. Unless we've been in their shoes, which most of us affluent Christians have not, we have no idea how hopeless that can be. To have people presume your deficiencies just by how you look is something that is not bound by race. Most homeless have jobs, are white, and have gotten to this point due to a medical issue, and secondly job losses (obviously different areas will have different demographics).

If we continue to snub our noses and keep our distance, there will continue to be hopelessness. It's amazing what you learn when you take down the defenses and begin to relate to people. You end up learning as much as you intend to teach, if not more.

Now some people really are where they are because of the choices they have made. I remember all the bad choices I've made and I am so thankful that the people around me didn't give up on me. I am thankful for redemption. What if we taught others what redemption looked like before we taught them what Jesus did for them? What if we changed the stereotype of hypocritical Christians by reaching out and forming relationships with people?

These are just the things that have been in my head lately. The blind spots that I didn't realize were there that have shown up. It's interesting how one statement from someone can open a can of worms for me! Thank you, Mr Neill.

Family Sick?

2011-01-16T17:14:00.000-09:00

I am one of the most fortunate and blessed of all people on earth. Above are some of the reasons why. These are my siblings and spouses, all of whom I absolutely love. I'm not homesick - I'm family sick!

My Mom took this picture this past Christmas, and we are all wearing Drawn From Water shirts that she gave us! I love it! Even though I look a bit beefy since I have the T over my sweater!! I'm not vain or anything...

After spending some real time with family, I was reminded of how wonderful my family is and how much I value them. We are not remotely perfect. We all have our issues. Despite it all, we love each other and mostly we are bound by our love of Christ. I used to think this was normal. I know now that it is extraordinary. I wish I had more contact with it!

I've been moping about for the last week or so, bemoaning the fact that I now live 3500 miles (as the geese fly - you know crows don't go that far) away from this family cell. My poor husband, who I love even more than all the others, has been having to put up with my short temper, lack of motivation, and general unpleasantness. To him, I must apologize!

I will be getting better soon, I promise. I know how fortunate I am to have family I love to visit and how it breaks my heart to leave them. I am thankful. I am thankful for each moment that I have with them, and how it makes me more intentional about how I show my love for them. This intentionality is something I hope I can continue into other relationships. I think I'm getting tired of living on the surface. It's not very fulfilling. And...it doesn't look like I'll be moving anywhere soon, so instead holding back and staying where it is comfortable, it's time to be real. I suppose this sounds a bit choppy, but I think this is my next step in obedience.

Scripture Memory

2011-01-15T16:02:00.000-09:00

#2!

Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated, common men, they were astonished. And they recognized that they had been with Jesus."

Acts 4:13

Am I bold? Do I astonish others? Do people recognize that I have been with Jesus?
This is what is hope for myself for this year. I want to disregard my lack of formal education, especially in spiritual matters, and realize that my pure commonness is exactly what God can use to magnify Himself!

Scripture Memory

2011-01-01T08:18:00.000-09:00

Again this year I will be memorizing scripture along with Beth Moore. It is a system that worked well for me and if you struggle with memorizing, I'd recommend you check out her blog! It's a simple system of memorizing a verse/verses on the 1st and 15th of each month.

My first verse for this year is:

And if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like noonday. The lord will guide you always...

Isaiah 58:10-11a

My Challenge from Oprah

2010-12-10T16:23:00.000-09:00

I'm not usually an avid Oprah watcher, but on occasion I'll watch if I'm home and it sounds interesting to me. Last night Barbara Walters did a special with Oprah. I was curious, so Pat and I watched. For the most part it was a typical "BW Special" interview, and pretty interesting. There was one moment, however, that made my heart stop. In a good way! She said that when she prays, "I ask God to use me until I am used up."

Now I'm not going to go into Oprah's personal spiritual life, but that statement was amazing. What if we all prayed that statement? Not just said it like we say other phrases in prayer without even thinking, but really, REALLY meant it?

Can I honestly pray that? Am I really willing to let God use me up? Am I willing to give back to Him all the things that He gave me?

Are you?

What if we lived this out? What if we looked at what we have to offer, small or large, and put those gifts to use?

I am challenged! I am so glad that I watched and have a new prayer!

Thank you, Oprah!

Busy Month full of Thanks!

2010-11-29T16:28:00.000-09:00

After a somewhat humorously long wait for our Turkey to cook, we did finally sit down for our simple and "small" Thanksgiving Dinner. It wasn't small in the amount of food, but rather in the amount of company. We typically gather with friends for this festive day, but we chose to spend the day at home, just us, this year. Actually it was a "plan b" after we discovered that Salvation Army had enough volunteers to serve their meal. It was a very laid-back day that we enjoyed thoroughly! We had no worries about eating Gluten-Free, and no one was put out to fix anything special! So easy. It was also the first day that we didn't have freezing rain in a while, so I was also thankful to be able to take a walk with my dogs! It did begin to snow these extremely wet, slushy snowflakes, and I returned home completely soaked, but it was beautiful and worth it!

We have been extra busy getting ready for our debut Arts and Crafts Fair! Well, technically, I had done a crafts bazaar a few weeks ago, but this was a very large event with over 165 vendors.
We worked hard to make enough inventory for our Alaska to Africa Project. We had no idea what kind of goal to set, so we just rolled with it. God blessed us so much in this project! We were able to make about 90 pieces to sell and we sold about 75! We have been able to put all the profits from these sales to Drawn From Water (If you aren't familiar with this organization, please take a look!). God so blessed us those two days after Thanksgiving! In all my disdain for "Black Friday" I was thankful for others who took the time to go shop and then purchased with a purpose at our booth! We were able to raise over $1,500 for DFW, and we still have orders coming in! Praise God! Plus, we were able to share about the organization and hopefully bring others into the joy of helping them. It was amazing to hear about all the connections people in our small community had to Africa. It was really encouraging! We met missionaries, adoptive families, and many others who had friends in Africa. We hope this is just the first of many years of being able to help through the Craft Fair!

Now that things are possibly slowing down, I am continuing to look forward to my days at Love, INC. Again, if you haven't heard of this organization, please check it out! They are local organizations (that operate nationally) that help to coordinate churches to help neighbors in need. I am helping with taking phone calls, and I love it! I'm also hoping to start some budget counselling (I am not a counselor, but I have successfully operated both larger and smaller budgets!).
I also can't wait to go shopping for some food boxes that we hope will help homeless teens get though the school break over Christmas. Our Church Youth Pastor challenged us this week to "Do One Thing." Pat and I cannot do just one thing. I can't imagine anyone who has the life of Christ in them to stop at just one thing. We are praying about what God may have us do for these kids beyond the food boxes. Kids should not be homeless and hopeless anywhere in the world.

I asked my husband what he thought our next year would bring. Neither of us have a clue, but we are really excited! God has blown open the doors of our hearts and pushed us to action in ways I'd have never dreamed. I am so thankful for every small thing and every small opportunity we have to share.

Thankful for My Morning Coffee Wake-up!

2010-11-09T07:24:00.002-09:00

This morning I prayed for my husband as he left for work. To be more accurate, I prayed out loud while I gave him his hug goodbye. I rarely do this. In fact, I think it's been years since I have done it last. How sad. I'm going to try to do it more often.

I am extremely thankful for the man God brought me with which to spend my life.

People are often shocked that I get up early to make my husband's lunch and see him off to work. Right now this means getting up at 5:30. Actually, he comes in with a fresh cup of coffee to wake me up! Not too bad, really. He is up around 4:45 and gets the fire going, feeds the dogs, and has his quiet time. I often get looks that say, "Are you serious?" followed by the, "I would NEVER do that!" to which I usually think to myself, "That is why your marriage isn't as good as mine."

That may sound extremely pompous, but if you aren't willing to get up a little early for your spouse, are you really living in unity? Are you giving as much of yourself to your professed loved one as you are expecting in return? Why would you draw a line of "never" to the one to whom you vowed to love? This always confuses me. I would do anything for my husband, the least of which includes making his lunch in the morning and getting to start the day together.

Now, granted, I have an incredibly amazing husband who is not only an excellent provider, but also a gifted leader. He lives surrendered to God, and I can trust him to follow Him! This makes living in submission to each other much easier.

Notice I didn't say easy. I'm still a human and become selfish more than I'd like to admit. I'm also not necessarily saying everyone should do exactly what I do. Your spouse may not care a whit about the morning send-off, but I'd bet there is something that does matter to him/her. Usually it is something relatively small, fairly painless, and could move mountains if done regularly! I'd also like to point out that discouraging and ridiculing someone else's act of love is highly reflective of your own level of loving. Just saying.

If God called you to be married, then this is your act of service to Him, not necessarily your spouse. I take the verse in Luke 16:10 to apply to marriage as well, though that takes it a bit out of context! If I can't be faithful to show my husband love in small ways, how on earth can we hold up in hard times? Being faithful to love each other in small ways will lay the foundation of Godly strength when the storms come. My marriage is a huge testimony of what I really believe about God. I know I've failed before, but in God's continuing story of redemption and second chances, I have an opportunity to let God shine through my marriage.

I love the chance to talk about what I do for my husband. It gives me an opportunity to share how far God has brought me. It reminds me of the gift I have and my responsibility to care for that gift. I also hope it encourages others to give more of themselves, and then they can experience the sweet joys of selflessness.

Time for my second cup of java joy! (O.K., my 3rd!)

Birthday's

2010-11-03T09:14:00.001-08:00

I celebrate birthdays.

In a random google search, and from some J.W. friends, I have learned that birthday celebrations had strong pagan origins and that these celebrations weren't exactly Biblically sanctioned!

I still celebrate birthdays!

I like to think that my God is not legalistic about where celebrations originated and that if I want to take a day to thank Him for what I have and ask Him to lead me through the next year; well, I believe He is honored in that. I don't believe that when people give me a "Happy Birthday," they are warding off evil spirits or that a candle-filled cake honors any greek goddess. I genuinely believe it is all just a sign of goodwill. And on that note, I will take it!

I do wish, however, that I could pass on the increasing amount of gray in my hair. I know, seriously shallow and vain. I have found some slight pleasure in knowing that my husband now has some of his own:

You see that big light hair in his goatee? It's the fat gray one! You have no idea the excitement I had this night! Obviously, I had to get the camera and document this momentous event!

Sadly, I am winning this contest. Pat must be thinking golf score. I wish I could convince my follicles to play that way.

Oh well. If this is the worse thing in my life (and it's pretty high up there) then that is a testament to how amazingly blessed my life has been these 34 years. I have to admit, I don't stress about much. In fact, I rarely stress. This last year has opened my eyes and heart to so much, and I am a little apprehensive but extremely excited to see where this knowledge takes me. Ten years ago my life changed. Eight and a half years ago my life became combined with another's and change has been my constant! I have no idea what lies ahead, but I know that change has been good to me and I will celebrate this change in my age!

Now then, perhaps I need to change that hair color...

GIVEAWAY!

2010-10-27T10:33:00.000-08:00

You could win this! All you have to do is link to this post (on the Alaska to Africa blog) from your facebook page or blog, or become a follower, and get the word out that we are taking orders for Christmas. Remember that all proceeds will go to help others this Christmas who have no mom or dad to care for them, much less give them a gift. Make your purchases count.

This 12"x7" layered cross will be the only one made, specifically for this event! It is a beautiful blued steel background (blue/purple color comes from a careful heat treatment) with a brushed bright steel front. Help us help the fatherless this Christmas.

Don't forget to tell us that you linked up by email, commenting, or facebook!

Oh, and the winner of this unique cross will have this shipped anywhere in the U.S. in time for Christmas giving! If you happen to live outside of the U.S., we will try our best! We will announce the winner on December 12th.

THE MOCKINGBIRD PARABLES by Matt Litton (Book Review)

2010-10-26T11:24:00.000-08:00

My husband is an artist and I am not. When I see a piece of art or hear music I enjoy, I just know I really like it. Because of who he is, he can explain why it is a good art or music piece. I feel the same with this book. I feel like Mr. Litton has illuminated the reasons why "To Kill a Mockingbird" is such a great piece of literature. Especially from my Christian world-view.

It is clearly articulated in the beginning that the author in no way attributes his thoughts to Ms. Lee. Mr. Litton is taking a revered story and sees it through his Christian lenses and states just as much. What is amazingly wonderful, is that Mr. Litton has expertly taken the simple and basic tenants of what Jesus taught and shows us where they permeate this timeless story. As I read through the parables, I was sadly reminded of how timeless the issues of racism, both skin color and economic, really are. I was reminded of what it means to be a neighbor and what true courage and love really look like, not necessarily what Christians exude. It made me remember that my actions are truly what define what I say I believe and are noticed specifically by children.

I loved this book, partly because I love "To Kill a Mockingbird." I love it because it brought me to a place of realization of why I love Lee's novel, but also because the messages in Mr. Litton's parables are truth. Some are hard truths and convicting truths, but truth nonetheless based on God's Word. I would certainly recommend this book to others. It is an easy read and very applicable for book clubs. I wish I could discuss it with others!

Uncomfortably Happy

2010-10-16T21:04:00.000-08:00

I'm skipping all the way down to the last night I was in Kansas. My awesome brother-in-law suggested that his wife and I take a "time-out" together! We chose our usual place - Olive Garden! We also chose our usual hot chocolate, but splurged and looked at the desserts. We chose not one, but two delectable dishes: a pumpkin cheesecake and a decadent chocolate dessert.

We were pretty giddy with all the sugary delights!

Of course we ate/drank it all! It was a feat we were determined to conquer.

We came. We ate. We conquered.

We were uncomfortable.

We were happy!

My sister has also put herself out there to be uncomfortable in order to follow her Lord. She and I have both been moved to encourage others to push themselves out of their comfort zone if/when God calls us to do so, which He does extremely often in Scripture. He calls us to reach out to the outcasts, love our enemies, be persecuted for His names' sake: these are all uncomfortable. When we really live the way Jesus talks about, we will look very different from others and this can be hard. She is there right now.

Where am I? I just spent the last couple weeks with my husband, albeit physically demanding weeks cutting firewood for winter. I was able to come home to my nice house with warm wood heat (and a gas heater for back-up!); nice cozy furniture in which to curl up while I watch a little T.V. or peruse the internet; and we just finished the new kitchen cabinets/counter top. I live in luxury. I live in a very comfortable place. Now, I'm not just talking about my physical conditions. I live in an immense amount of security. I do not fear for my life when I fill my glass with clean drinking water as opposed to young girls filling their jugs with dirty water from a water pit several miles away. I'm able to go to the pantry and get a snack when I am hungry when others are immensely grateful for a single bowl of rice and beans for a meal that may be their only one for a few days.

I spent the last year on a "clothes fast." I did not allow myself to buy any clothing (except for 3 items of the undergarment variety) for an entire year. Actually, it will be a year sometime around Thanksgiving. One might think that this would be positioning myself to be uncomfortable. Sadly, it was really easy. I have a ton of clothes. In fact, I gave away half my closet during this year. I may not dress in the latest fashions, but I hardly lack in adequate clothing.

My husband and I felt like we needed to increase our giving and we set up a new way to substantially do this. When you decide to drastically change your spending habits, you usually feel some discomfort. Again, this has been strangely easy. It seems our finances are more than adequate for our daily necessities. This may sound a bit arrogant and I know, know that our finances may not always provide our needs. We have been there before; stretching every paycheck week to week. We have learned through those times, however, that when things are going good, we must prepare for lean times. This not only helps us, but enables us to help others.

I have quit my job in order to be more available to serve my husband, my community, and anyone else God asks me to serve. This has been a little more uncomfortable. I have discovered that I am less excited to follow the direct commands of my husband during a home work project than I was from my former boss. I had previously prided myself on having tough skin and letting things roll off. That doesn't seem to carry over to my husband! I'm also finding it difficult to stay on task when I'm working on projects at home when at work I was an extremely focused worker. Some of this is to be expected, but I feel a bit out of my element. This is hardly an extreme form of discomfort, I have to admit.

I'm wondering if God is preparing me. I know He doesn't waste time and I have seen how He prepared my sister and has begun His work through her and her family. This leads me to believe my time is coming! As daunting as this may be, I am excited! I have learned that if I really want to experience God, it will happen in those moments of being uncomfortable and stretched. If I can do it all on my own, it's not really His power on which I rely or see. I want to see more of Him.

Sometimes, being uncomfortable can be a very happy thing!

Still Kickin'!

2010-09-23T08:43:00.000-08:00

I've had a busy week!

I'm in Kansas right now, about to blow away or melt! Actually, the wind has blown in some clouds today and it's not even 80 degrees yet. I'm now in Heaven, but the 90's up until now have been killer. It's not exactly a low-humidity area, so I've broken a sweat more times this week than I have in the last 5 years combined. Probably.

Despite the weather, I have had a lovely time reuniting with my family! I've seen everyone except my dad who will be here on Friday. I've had some re-bonding time with these 3 N&N's, but haven't had many chances to spread myself out. I think that will come at Christmas! This trip was primarily for supporting my sister for this final adoption trip. I often wish I could stay longer. I miss my hubby dreadfully, however, so I'll be O.K. to head to back. Especially knowing I'll be back for the holidays!

I've heard from my sis or her husband several times, and my little nephew Isaiah is doing great! He is playful, affectionate, and ticklish! He is also beginning to grieve for all that he has lost and is losing. It seems strange that even a 16-month-old can grieve, but it is clear that he is aware that things keep changing and he is sad at times for those losses. I know God will heal his little heart through his new parents and family, but it will take a little time.

Just a quick update on where I've been! I'll have to update better when I get home and have more time/energy to put forth! This makes me wonder how moms blog on a regular basis. Once again, I am in awe of SuperHero Moms!

Our boys!

2010-09-12T20:54:00.001-08:00

I'd like to introduce you to our boys!

I always told my mom that I only wanted boys. She told me that I didn't have the option to choose, so I told her I wouldn't have any. Somehow I have both! The only thing is that I had always said I wanted four, so perhaps these guys are our first two!

This is Ojambo! My husband is pretty sure that this is his last name, but I don't think so. I'll let you know when we get our email questions answered! Isn't he just the most adorable?! He lives in Uganda and we were introduced through Amazima Ministries. We can't wait to meet this smiley boy of ours! I can't wait to send him a picture of us so he can know that he has a "mommy" and a "daddy" who truly love him and can't wait to meet him. We are praying for him to grow up and become the man God has planned.

This big guy is Remedan! He is our tough guy. We can't wait to meet him and get him giggling! You can just see it behind those serious lips that they just want to break out and grin! We were introduced through Children's HopeChest. He is our Ethiopian boy that is in school and we are excited to be able to email him as soon as possible! He has lots of interests that we can talk about and we will pray with him to discover God's purpose for his life!

I plan on sharing brief updates, so I thought you'd like to see their pictures! We plan on taking these guys very seriously in our lives. I had said before that sponsorship isn't just a check, but a relationship. These will definitely be distance relationships, but I don't think any of us will mind, though we will be looking forward to the day we can meet in person. I'm really excited about this new journey of ours. I'm hoping it's a lifelong one!

Wishes

2010-09-09T17:25:00.000-08:00

What do you wish for?

What is your greatest desire?

What fills your prayers?

My husband and I spent this morning talking together about just this topic. We have been extremely frustrated by well-meaning Christians who "claim" promises of health, happiness, or hoards of other things and then don't receive that which they knew God would provide. We have both had Godly people tell us that we should be very specific when in prayer and expect Him to answer favorably, because after all, God gives us the desires of our hearts. Especially when we are earnestly praying and we are living what we believe to be God's will for our lives. Surely then, He will give us what we want. (slight sarcasm here!)

What do we want?

When it comes down to it, for us, we only want one thing: we want God to be glorified in the life He has provided. Period.

Our human nature occasionally makes us think we want things like new carpet, a fancy gun (that's my husbands), or a Smoothie King smoothie! Sometimes we are cleverly told we should want things like our house to sell, good health, safety, etc. Even our more recent desires to relinquish more of our financial blessings has tempted us to wish for more: so we can give more! These thoughts float around us until we get back to the real center and reason for it all: Jesus.

I recently read (Yancy, Reaching for the Invisible God), "Christians in affluent countries tend to pray, 'Lord, take this trial away from us!' I have heard prisoners, persecuted Christians, and some who live in very poor countries pray instead, 'Lord, give us the strength to bear this trial.'"

I'm pretty convinced God did not create us, provide His Son for us, give us His Spirit, strictly to make our lives comfortable. Comfort does not generally facilitate close bonds and dependency. I believe the Old Testament is filled with examples of this idea fleshed out. I also believe that we are today just like the Israelites so long ago. God created us, provided for us, lives in us to bring glory to Himself through relating with us. When we are dependent on Him, do everything for Him, let go of our lives to be used for Him, He loves it, loves us, and is glorified through our obedience. But He doesn't become our cosmic genie. His goal is to make us more like Jesus, like Himself, because it really is the best option. I really doubt this can happen comfortably at all times. Fortunately, He does in turn provide us strength, joy, and abilities to progress until He determines we've gone as far as we can on this planet. This is a pretty huge idea that could have volumes extrapolated out, but I'll move on.

So with such a big picture, why is it so easy to focus on the little things? I won't say I never ask God to help me with the little things, because I do, I just want the real motive to be to bring Him glory; not to have my wish fulfilled. Who's glory is it if I get new carpet? If I find my contact? Why do I want my house to sell or my friend's child to be healed or my other friend's work to be calm? Is it to bring comfort? Is it to give God the credit and glorify Him? Am I praying that in the horrible times my sister in Christ is trudging through, she will become so focused on Him that it will change her life, or am I just praying for ease?

Are we missing the blessing of being uncomfortable? How can we know how fulfilling our Lord is if we never need Him? Now, before I get an onslaught of messages telling of the blessings of God answering big and little prayers, I am not insinuating that He doesn't, won't, or shouldn't. God does want us to ask Him for things, big and little, but secondary to living fully to glorify Him. I have had some moments of God letting me know how interested He is in me by giving me some of those "genie wishes." I just know that God wants way more for our relationship than that. God wants me to grow and mature in my relationship with Him (which will serve to glorify Him, not me) and that may only come through the bond of a shared trial or other heart check to deny self.

Honestly, I don't intend to pray for trials to come. I imagine they will all on their own. I may just take pause, however, before I pray for them to pass or be removed. Instead I hope I will look for my God's perspective and pray to grow through it. I hope I do the same thing through positive experiences as well!

So, what do you wish for again?

Desserts!

2010-09-01T20:15:00.000-08:00

I just had to share a little bit of my trip to Valdez. Yes, you can see the evidence of the oil field all around, but God's creation far outweighs a few (enormous) tanks and pipelines. It was truly a vacation for me to go and serve my husband.

You see, my whole purpose in going here was to help my husband ... well ... live out here in a tent while he worked 12 hour shifts for 7 days in a row for 3 weeks straight. Yep, he was gone for 12 hours of every day. When one is reduced to living in a tent, there is little housework to be done and fewer bills to pay, etc. The one meal I prepared was by necessity simple and quick to make every evening! I had the luxury of gallivanting all around the area and exploring on my own.

Occasionally, I would wait and explore with my hubby when he got home, but most of these sights were mine alone. It gave me some real time to rest in Jesus. I wish I had some really profound revelation that He gave me, but really I felt like I was just enjoying dessert!

One thing this time did do for me, however, was prompted by reading Brother Lawrence's "Practicing the Presence of God." I was in the middle of a rather lewd novel based in 17th century England when I realized that I would be really embarrassed if Jesus caught me with that book. Oh yeah. He already knows. He's been right with me the whole time. I, in my humanness, skipped right over the to the last half of the last chapter. I just couldn't throw it out without knowing the ending (by the way, justice was done at the end)! I did know, though, that I didn't need to read it anymore. That is actually a really huge thing for me. I love to read and I am such a "check the box" type of person, that to not actually read the entire book was difficult. Sort-of. This one was actually easier than I would have thought to give up. It was a small, but profound moment for me.

I also had some confirmation of some major decisions while I was gone. Until those all come out in their own time, though many already know, I am just really excited about where my life is going. I have sensed a real growing in my and my husbands relationship with Jesus this last year and I feel that things are going to be different. I don't know anything other than that, but in another month or so, I'll be in a much better place to find out!

I feel like I could write an entire post on this next subject, and likely I will, but before it escapes my brain I wanted to share!

My husband and I have received the name of our first child! (pause for effect!)

No, I'm not pregnant and if I were, I'd have some serious explaining to do!! We have not adopted, and I am certainly not referring to an animal.

Just today we received the name of the child we are going to "sponsor" through Childrens HopeChest. I got the email and read down through some of the apologies from the gal saying it had taken so long because of their ongoing move and then she shared the name of the person who is the sponsor coordinator for Ethiopia. I'll share more about all that later, but at the very end of the email, was the name. I am still choking up.

You see, this is not just a "sponsorship" to us. If it were, we could simply set up an automatic withdrawal and likely never even notice. An easy check in the box. Instead, this is a child who desperately needs someone to love on them and care about them. It is so much more about choosing a relationship than writing a check. Yes, we will provide money to provide schooling and meals, etc., but we are truly hoping to develop a lifelong relationship and someday even meet and love on in person! If we are really blessed, we will visit many times. That's what you do for family.

This is not our only child. We are anxiously awaiting information on our other child from Uganda. We also hope to meet this special one and share our love in person.

Again, it's just at the beginning, so I will wait until I have more information before I share it all! Actually, I'd also like to show my husband first - he gets home on Friday!

I just love Dessert!

Valdez Vacation

2010-08-19T15:16:00.000-08:00

O.K., for all those who are wondering where I went:

Alaskan Adventures

is "our" blog of all the crazy stuff we do up here in Alaska.

I have taken 10 days off work to come out and stay with my hubby while he works out here in Valdez (a 9 hour trip by car). I am trying to make his stay easier and more fun, so if you'd like to see what I'm up to, check it out there. To be honest, I don't have anything all that deep to say, I'm just enjoying being a part of God's creation that is absolutely breathtaking!

Lucky 13!

2010-08-12T23:03:00.000-08:00

Isaiah is my 13th N&N, and I happen to find that a very happy number!

If you'd like to see more of their Ethiopian journey, click here!

I think this is my most favorite picture!

He likes to read in bed. Of course we're related!

Beautiful family! Can't wait til it's a full family portrait!

And seriously; how precious is this?

I've had the amazing opportunity to see two sisters adopt and choose two of my nephews. It has been so surreal for me to watch. I wonder why more people don't adopt. I know the reasons why more people don't, but for all those reasons, Jesus answers.

You might ask me why I don't: a valid question if I pose it so blatantly. All I can say is that God hasn't put it on our hearts to have children, instead we want to do the most we can for as many as we can through our "five loaves and two fish." Is it enough? Well, are there still orphans? We want to do more and I know we will, and what we do can be exponentially increased by the Spirit. Won't you join us?

Six Hundred

2010-08-04T09:22:00.001-08:00

This is a post from Ali's African Adventures - a link is on the right as well as a button. This broke my heart and I hope it does the same to yours.

Tuesday, August 3. 2010

six hundred

Update #1 (4 August, 12:30 Africa time) : 102 of the names on the pink sheets have been e-mailed out across the world, and people are starting to pray.

We laid them out on empty stretchers in the recovery room. Six hundred pink sheets, filled with information we had gathered at screenings throughout the outreach. From all over Togo they came to us, and we sat with them, learned their names, recorded their pain, filed their stories in a desk drawer and asked them to wait for their healing.

Six hundred pink sheets.

They were the ones we turned away. The ones who were too sick or not sick enough. The ones who missed their surgery dates and couldn't be rescheduled because there were hundreds more to take their places. The ones we tried to call but couldn't reach.

Six hundred of them, and when I looked at all the pages strewn across the room I wanted to scream.

Because they've always been there. They're in every country we visit, but we've never seen them before, never made it to their villages to peer into the darkness of their little mud huts and bring them into the light. And this time we did, this time we drove to meet them and we said we'd call if we could help and then we never did.

Instead we laid them all out in an empty room and we did the only thing left to us. We prayed. We didn't finish today; there were too many, so we're going to do it again tomorrow. We prayed over each one of them. Over Yema, the little boy who just turned one in July, too small for his cleft lip to be fixed but probably not getting enough to eat at home because of it. Over Maka, eight years old with a left arm that can't straighten and fingers crippled from the burns he suffered when he was two. Over Abel, a young man with a hernia the size of a football who we tried to call and who never picked up his phone and so his paper was moved to the back of the pile again.

Over Yema and Maka and Abel and hundreds more, lives reduced to words on a sheet of pink papers. A pile of cleft lips. Important,more often than not checked on the bottom of the forms, no, no, no scrawled across the tops when we realized that time had run out. A handful of tumors, all marked positive for HIV and turned away because in the time it would have taken for them to get their CD4 counts done, we would have found five more to replace each one of them.

I cried this afternoon. Frustrated, angry tears, and I don't think I've ever been so aware of the scope of the need here in West Africa. By the end of an outreach, we usually have a few pink sheets left in the drawer in the OR office, lumps and bumps that didn't quite make it into the surgery schedule but weren't going to mean the difference between life and death. This time we found the forgotten, called out to the ones who've never heard the voice of hope and then we turned away because the time was too short and there were too many of them.

Six hundred pink sheets. Hundreds and thousands more sleeping on dirt floors tonight, nursing their pain and their fears as we get ready to sail away.

Pray with us. Please pray with us.

If you'd like to pray specifically for a patient, let me know in a comment or an e-mail, and I'll head down to the office and choose one or five or twenty names for you. If it's children who touch your heart, I'll find you a child to pray for. If you're drawn to those who have suffered burns, there's a whole pile of them. There are mamas and papas, old men and little girls, and they have all been told no.

Wouldn't it be incredible if we could find six hundred people willing to pray for these six hundred?

Please pray with us.

Awesome August!

2010-08-02T11:40:00.001-08:00

This week has already been an incredible week!

If you read the previous post, my sister and her husband are in Ethiopia meeting their new son! It's been an incredible experience so far for them and if you'd like to know more details they are on her blog here. I've felt so excited for them and a bit bewildered at this entire experience! I'm so thankful for modern technology, even though it's tough to connect with the even the phones there.

I read a different blog a while back that shared a very special perspective about how their 2-trip requirement emulates Jesus. In this first trip, Isaiah has now seen the people who have chosen him to be their son. As adoption is so close to God's heart, this is a perfect example of how God has chosen us to be His children. Just as in adoption, the ages can vary of when we get to join this perfect family, and it never matters to our Father. He want's us all, no matter how old we are! Right now and for the rest of the week, my sister and her husband will be investing a little bit more each day into their son, just as Jesus did for us during His time on this earth. They will have to say good-bye, but they will promise that they will come back for him to take him home with them - permanently! Jesus said the same thing! Isn't this just perfect?! Fortunately, my little nephew will not have to wait long, possibly 4-6 weeks, before they return to bring him home. I think our time perspective when Jesus returns will be similarly short! For a much sweeter rendition of these thoughts from the original author, click here!

So, as we all wait for this special time to come, I am constantly in prayer for my sister and her husband and her 3 kiddo's who are waiting for them to return home. I'm calling her everyday to get their updates and keep everyone else informed and praying! I'm so glad that they are not only going to be able to spend more time with their son, but also meet another friend's little boy! Her friend B just got their referral and got in touch with them to share the news! What an amazing opportunity to love on another little boy!

This has been an exciting week so far, and it will only get better since my beloved who has been gone for 2.5 weeks, will be home on Thursday! Three weeks is a long time to be separated, especially knowing it will happen again. I'm praying already that our week together will be sweet, long, and fun! Knowing my husband, it will definitely be fun! I miss him! I'm beginning to really love August!

Part of my Heart is in Africa Right Now!

2010-07-30T21:44:00.000-08:00

The star is where my sister and my brother-in-law are likely just getting up "tomorrow" morning! It is so absolutely incredible to comprehend.

Several years ago I went to spend a week watching their 3 kids while they took a trip to Jamaica for their 10th anniversary. It was a very special time! I remember her telling me later that they had talked, ever so briefly, about adopting some day. (I think this was when, so if I'm wrong, I apologize!) I remember my sis saying something about a little girl from Guatemala, but her husband said that he thought it would be a little boy from Africa! I remember thinking that it sounded a bit far fetched, but as they weren't serious about it, it was just a "huh!" moment!

And now here they are: in Africa getting ready to meet their little boy on Sunday (Saturday night for us)! I had no idea my brother-in-law had the gift of prophecy! O.K., that may have only happened as a special gifting for the moment, but I'll probably think hard about any predictions he'll make from now on!

Probably like many people, my sister and I weren't exactly "kindred spirits" as we were growing up. She was a fairly typical oldest child and I was certainly a second. I didn't have very much in common with her, it seemed, until we got older and realized how much we truly do. Mostly we just discovered that we like each other and our differences and have grown to appreciate what God is doing in each others' lives. Actually, I absolutely adore my sister! She has shown me love and forgiveness more than any one person in my life. God has blessed me immensely by putting us together and I'm so grateful that I can come along on her spiritual shirt-tales!

I'm also so incredibly fond of my brother-in-law! He's a definite tough guy, but I'll never forget how he waited for my sis to figure out that he was the "one!" We all knew, of course. I have been so impressed at how he has led in his relationship with my sister. He takes such wonderful care of her. He is a pretty cool dad, too! Watching him with his little girls is so precious and it cracks me up how boys and their dads can be! He's taught his children well.

I would do just about anything for these two people. I wish I could do more; be there more; give more. They are two ordinary people who have let the Extraordinary God show through them. They are an example of what I want to be. For the next week, these two are moving forward on bringing my nephew home, even if it won't conclude for another 6-8 weeks. So, for now, I am praying that their trip is smooth, they will be well-rested, and they have wonderful visits with their son in his home country. It won't be long until they can bring him home, but til then, we all have a little of our heart in Ethiopia!

THE HOLE IN OUR GOSPEL by Richard Stearns * Book Review

2010-07-26T12:00:00.001-08:00

The Hole in Our Gospel: The answer that changed my life and might just change the world by Richard Stearns, President of World Vision International, U.S. explores the concept that there is something missing in our "Americanized" Gospel. He suggests that as a whole, the American Christians have, perhaps in their zeal, left out the social revolution part of the Good News that Jesus brought. Throughout the book, Richard brings out the statistical references that should make all who proclaim to be followers of Christ fall on our faces in shame. Fortunately, he also shares in his own struggles to live out what he knows to be the "Whole Gospel" and in doing, encourages us all to to take a second look at what it is we profess and how we live out our faith. Do we embrace the whole gospel that Jesus proclaimed, and if we would, how radically would it change our world? Instead of letting others outside the church lead in social revolutions, we ought to be like Jesus and be the leaders!

This book was extremely wonderful and terrible to read. My passions are ignited, and to that I am excited! I am also heart-broken and horrified to not just read statistics, but to hear stories of how "we" are dropping the ball on so many of our brethren. I never felt that Richard was trying to "guilt-trip" anyone into doing more or giving more; instead he had an encouraging style where you felt caught up in his passion and excitement to become involved. Because his story includes so much of the World Vision organization, there is a lot of reference to them, but again, no pressure to choose them exclusively with which to invest. I felt as though he was trying to open the eyes of those who simply do not realize the extent of what is going on in our world and to "spur one another on toward love and good deeds." (Hebrews 10:24)

I would recommend this book to anyone who claimed to be a Christian, and even those who do not. It is an eye-opening book to the struggles of the poor and the effects of non-action, both real and perceived. In a culture who's greatest goals seem to be to take care of our "own," and to simply walk by, Mr. Stearns reminds us of who our neighbors really are, and what we do or don't do reveals who we are as well.

*This book was provided to me at no cost by Thomas Nelson Publishers for the purpose of reviewing. All thoughts are solely my own and I receive no benefits for positive reviews.

I Can Do It - BY MYSELF!

2010-07-23T19:58:00.000-08:00

It seems I am a toddler at heart.

I can do it all by myself!

For the past 8 years or so, my fabulous husband has been on a mission to get me to a higher plane of self-sufficiency. He has enabled me to see past the perceived need of tents, bulky food, trails, most cooking utensils, and much more. I have been able to learn that I truly need very little to survive in fairly comfortable environment that I can create for myself.

This self-sufficiency fed into my deep desires to be independent. I have wanted independence from something or someone since I could remember. While growing up this manifested itself in wanting independence from my family, whether in name or actual physical location! As I grew, my goals were very centered on creating an independent persona for myself - all by myself. I was going to be someone people would admire, wonder, wish they were, etc. I was going to do this all alone. All through school, even through college, I detested group projects. I felt as though they were a socialistic standard that only served to bring me down to average, which I truly aspired to be above. I thrived when I finally got to do my relatively independent study for my Horticulture degree. It fit me perfectly! I got all the credit!

Even now, I feel tremendous satisfaction in completing a project or tackling a problem successfully on my own. Just tonight, I was changing the water filter in our crawl space (more like a stoop-space), and as I was opening the water line back up, water began to pour out the pressure relief button. This was no exaggeration. It was pouring out. (Did I mention we are supposed to have a showing this weekend? No? Well, yes, this added to my panic!) As I shut off the water and pushed my panic into a box in my proverbial emotional shelf, I realized that the button was likely gunked up (yes, I made up that word) by some sediment. Fortunately, I had just sprayed a thrip-covered petunia with a soap/water mix that I thought may help along with some Q-tips. I went ahead and texted my man just in case he had any other thoughts! In the end, I was able to clean out the valve and stop the leak, averting the crisis. I was quite proud of myself!

Then I remembered that we aren't supposed to do anything by ourselves.

Jesus Himself said:
"'I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by Himself; He can only do what He sees His Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does.'" John 5:19
"'For I have come down from heaven to do the will of God who sent me, not to do my own will.'" John 6:38
"'My message is not my own; it comes from God who sent me."' John 7:16
"'I do nothing on my own but say only what the Father taught me. And the one who sent me is with me - he has not deserted me. For I always do what pleases him.'" John 8:28b-29
"'At my Father's direction I have done many good works.'" John 10:32a
"'I don't speak on my own authority. The Father who sent me has commanded me what to say and how to say it. And I know his commands lead to eternal life; so I say whatever the Father tells me to say.'" John 12:49-50

Now, I don't want to take this all out of context and say that I cannot do anything, ever, on my own. I do believe that God gives us challenges that only we must go through, but am I by myself? No. I'm not. I have to admit that when I was putting the filter back on that last time, I was praying that God would seal it and keep it from leaking. Not only does He help in moments like these, but He uses these situations to bring us into a deeper reliance on Him.

Sometimes, He desires us to draw upon our community for support. Earlier today I had a dentist appointment. That may not sound that big to some of you, but I have had less than stellar dentist appointments in my day and I have a tendency to get a bit panicked. My jaw locks up and hurts when they put the block in, I almost always have sinus drainage that collects in the back of my throat, and that doesn't help my claustrophobic tendencies which cause me to have brief panic attacks thinking I can't breathe, and gosh darn it: it hurts!

So anyway, I humbled myself and asked for my group and my mom to pray for me today. Mom's are great for that, aren't they?! I admit that I felt rather silly asking for prayer for something fairly trivial. I should surely be able to get through this by myself. I was reminded of what a privilege it was to be able to see a dentist at all, but I was still not looking forward to my fillings. Today I felt so thankful for those prayers and support. I prayed for me and the dentist throughout the appointment, and I felt a calm and relaxation that was foreign to me in that place before now, and I know it was due to the prayer support. The dentist seemed to feel the need for urgency and made the appointment go quickly. I now have a molar that no longer has the metal filling, but a composite one, along with a little extra that needed to be filled. It was as pleasant an appointment as it could have been. I didn't even feel the shots, though it looked as though I'd had a stroke for the next 5 hours. I kept hoping I wasn't drooling. I digress...

I had just had an experience where the coming together of sisters had blessed me, and yet I was still determined to find pride in doing things by myself! My problem stems not from the ability God has given me to accomplish things like fixing a leaky pressure relief valve, but in taking the full credit. I am so thankful that God has worked in me and used my husband to teach me how to take care of things. Jesus, who was God's own Son, again and again reminded us that even He relied on the Father for direction and strength and then gave the glory back to Him. It was never about Jesus' story alone. He didn't do it all by Himself, and I don't want to either.

Tom Davis's Plea for India's Girls

2010-07-21T21:40:00.002-08:00

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How to make a profit selling virgins for sex

Wednesday July 21, 2010

Categories: Orphans, Sex Trafficking, The Poor

It's apparently very simple.

First, you establish yourself as a respected community leader who heads up a women's rights group in India. This will solidify your reputation as someone who protects and defends young girls.

Next, you need to really specialize in something to keep the customers coming back for more. You need, as the marketers call it, a "unique value proposition." You decide to focus on virgin girls. Highly prized and more expensive than girls with experience.

For clientele, you cater to corrupt police officials, local authorities, and the occasional visiting VIP or dignitary. That way, you'll always remain safe from raids and prosecutions.

Last, and most importantly, you need a good supply of virgins. For that you have an arrangement with the local boarding school for girls. Potential customers browse through your photo book of potential child sex victims. Once they make their choice, you bring the girls to your brothel to be raped for profit.

Sadly, this true story is unfolding right now in India.

A well-respected women's leader and her husband run a trafficking and prostitution ring specializing in virgins and young girls. The description above is true in its details, documented by our partners in India.

A rescue operation is in the works, and I am raising funds through this blog to free as many girls as we can. Will you help us?

They have documented at least five minors--all girls--being held as slaves. The rescue plan involves using the local television station to expose the operation, and thereby force the police to conduct the raid.

Will you join me in supporting this rescue operation? Here are the details:

Rescue Operation: $1,250 - ($125 per girl we plan to rescue)
If we successfully rescue 10 girls, that's just $125 per child saved. This involves setting up the rescue operation, getting the investigative team in place, coordinating with the media and police, and conducting the raid itself. Even if $1,250 rescued only one girl, it would be far worth the investment.

Rescue Kits for Each Girl: $450 - ($45 per girl up to 10 girls)
These kits are the first step in restoring a girl's dignity. They contain clothing and personal hygiene supplies. The girls are taken immediately to a government after-care facility, and these kits provide each girl with needed supplies for the long journey ahead.

Professional Social Worker: $6,000 - Salary for 12 months
Once in the government after-care home, our partners will send a Christian social worker to meet with each of the girls and begin to counsel them toward long-term recovery. Until the girls are allowed to leave that facility, our partners will provide consistent biblical counseling from a licensed and educated social worker. Providing this victims' advocate is critical because in many cases girls are returned to the parents or relatives who sold them to the brothel in the first place.

Our goal is to rescue up to ten girls. Although in a similar attempt a few weeks ago, only one girl was freed from her captors. I will keep you posted, and encourage you to continue to pray, to spread the word, and to give as you are able.

Here are two ways you can be involved:

Join our Prayer Conference Call TodayOur prayer team, iFast58, will pray for this operation on their weekly sex trafficking prayer call. Please join them today (July 21) at 1:30pm Eastern Time. Call 760-569-9000 ID: 968101. If you can't make the call, please commit to pray for this rescue.

Make a Gift to the India Rescue OperationClick the donate button at the top of this post to make a gift toward this rescue operation. A gift of any size will make a difference. Give even $5 to stop this horror. A $45 gift buys one girl a rescue kit. A $125 donation helps rescue one girl (if we are successful in freeing 10 children). A $500 gift pays for after-care social work for the girls. Make a gift today. All donations are processed by PayPal and received by Children's HopeChest, a registered 501(c)(3) tax-exempt nonprofit corporation. We are members of the Evangelical Council for Financial Accountability also. For more information about our ministry, please visit http://hopechest.org .

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I'm getting a little Caulk-y!

2010-07-19T21:32:00.002-08:00

Yes, there's something missing here. Caulk. I spent all day working on re-caulking our bathroom. I thought it would be a simple thing, as I had caulked doors and windows before with relative ease. One thing I had neglected to consider was the preparation before the application.

You might have thought, as I did, that a simple razor blade device would easily lift off the old caulk and enable you to simple peel it away. If that is what you thought, as I did, you would be mistaken, as I was. I have a razor scraper thing that wore my thumb down to mix of pain and numbness. I used this until I discovered our utility knife where it had no business being: stuffed between my wireless router and DSL "box." Regardless, I was ecstatic to relieve my thumb as I scraped and cut away the old caulk. I'd like to give more details, but as I doubt your interest would go any longer, suffice it to say, it took a LONG time. My husband will love all those commas!

I then reasoned I was ready, until I looked closer at the tile and tub. No, I needed to clean this up. Carefully. I realized I had some cleaner from the late '90's that, much as I tried, was not even going to come out of the bottle and thus it was trashed. I tried the Bar Keeper's Friend cleaner hoping the abrasive would help. It didn't do much. I was forced to pull out that razor thing that killed my thumb and scrape away the remaining slivers of caulk. Then I pulled out my hair dryer from the closet (no I don't dry my hair - dryers are terrible for your hair!) and proceeded to make sure the surfaces and inside the cracks were dry. THEN, I pulled out the vacuum. I had to suck out all those tiny bits of caulk that I had cut loose only to jam into the cracks beyond where I could poke with the utility knife. Preparation before the application. All of this is important, as you know what a job looks like if you don't do the proper prep; terrible and it usually doesn't last long.

Writing this seems like it shouldn't have taken all day, but it seems I am easily distracted and did take moments to walk my dogs, run to the store for good caulk, eat, check my email; stuff like that.

Finally I had prepared for the filling of the gaps! And there were some gaps!

As I was prepping most of the day, it dawned on me that God works with us in a very like manner. We are so excited to be a part of a great work that will look so wonderful, or even a simple thing, but before we begin, He has a lot of prep work to do on us. We often have to release our hold on the surfaces that cover our flaws and open ourselves to being cleaned out by the Spirit. It can be amazing and a bit scary to see what we've hidden and allowed to grow under the surface. Only when it's open and laid bare can God cleanse us and then fill us with His purpose. What may seem like a simple step of faith may require some serious prep work before He even allows us the opportunity. Some preparations before the applications can take more time than others.

I'm reminding myself of this as we wait for our house to sell.

Of course, now with that bright white caulk, it looks like I need to keep working on that grout!

Seriously. Tile must have been invented by people who have others to clean it for them. Or they didn't have hard water!

Sour Grapes

2010-07-18T16:30:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I went to the grocery store for just a few items. It amazes me how that can multiply once you see what's on sale or what your hungry belly decides it will implode without. I was instantly in a bad mood upon entering the store due to the insane amount of tourists/dipnetters in town that were clogging "my" store. I tried to quickly gather the items on my list plus one (I only allow myself one item off my list, so I consider carefully!), and get to the long check out lines.

I was in the produce section when I was stopped in my tracks. There she was: a woman in her late 50's or early 60's (old enough to know better) and not looking as though she was starving was helping herself to the apparent buffet of grapes. I was horrified. I blatantly stared and hoped she'd catch my eye and my expression of "Are you seriously eating those grapes of which you have not paid?". I even thought in correct grammar! Anyway, she never looked up at me and kept her focus on her sampling of the grapes. She was talking to herself and muttering that she thought they tasted good! Perhaps she would go ahead and actually pay for some. I finally had to leave lest my rising anger would spill over and I would start pointing at her and yell "THIEF! SHE'S STEALING GRAPES! GET HER!"

Seriously. I really wanted to start yelling. I could not believe the brazenness of this woman to literally steal food in front of so many. Apparently, I was not the only one who lacks the self-control to confront someone of their error in a positive manner as she wasn't stopped by anyone else.

As I drove home, I replayed that scene in a million different ways with my favorite being the time I posed as a police officer who was off duty. That was fun! Probably not what Jesus would have done, however. I'd love to know what He would have done. Hmmm. He may have had some insights that I didn't. Still, I was really angry about this woman's blatant disregard for what was right. I couldn't shake it. Didn't she realize how unsanitary it was, regardless of the whole fact that she was eating for free? I couldn't sleep last night for the replay going on in my mind.

I finally asked myself why on earth was something so trivial bothering me so deeply? I don't really know.

Then I wondered why the other injustices that go on in front of me, so much more with modern media, go without such a reaction. Shouldn't the fact that little girls in the tent cities of Haiti are being raped every day make me more angry? Shouldn't the fact that over 26,500 children will die just today from preventable diseases stemming from bad water, no food, or a mosquito bite make me sick to my stomach? Why doesn't the knowledge that just now a 15 year old girl got kicked out of a Russian orphanage with little more than what was on her back and no hope of help from anyone but a member of a sex slave organization make me want to yell and scream?

Actually it does. Sometimes.

One thing I just can't do anymore is to get emotionally upset at the injustices and then walk away. Perhaps that was the best thing for me to do at the grocery store under the circumstances, though maybe I should have mentioned it to a manager, but I cannot walk away and just think about how wrong things can be. I must do something. It can be overwhelming to see statistics about what is happening in our world. I've chosen to forget the statistics and focus on one. There is one that can be helped by something I can do. Just think if we all focused on just one. Or two. At least one at a time. God doesn't expect us to do more than what He equips us to do. If He equips us, we must obey and not walk away mumbling to ourselves how terrible "it" is.

Clothes for a Cause

2010-07-14T22:28:00.000-08:00

Seriously, aren't these T's just great? If you'd like one, and really who wouldn't, please go to my sister's blog and order! A great T with proceeds to help an orphan-no-longer come home! The proceeds will also help my sister's friend (her blog is here) with their adoption of siblings from Ethiopia. Clothes for a cause. No better coverings, I think.

Kids shirts $20, Adults $25

Pablo's Inspiration

2010-07-12T10:27:00.001-08:00

A while back, we discovered that some friends of ours who are adopting, have a son who was doing something special. He was 4 years old when he decided that he wanted to do something to help bring his brother/sister home. He decided to make cards with his own fabulous style! He named it Pablo Candy-Finger's Cards! We were hooked.

We simply could not resist the very sweet drawings of a boy who was using his talents for Kingdom purposes. He is now 5 and has some really diverse offerings. I'd have shown more, but I already sent some! We were still partial to the aliens. Don't they just make you want to smile?!

His desire to act and do whatever he could to help has inspired us. Pat is especially drawn to him, being an artist himself, and couldn't resist using his metal art to encourage young Pablo! After receiving our order of Pablo Candy-Finger's Cards, Pat chose one of his favorites and went out to the shop.

Seriously - Isn't that alien just the cutest guy?! (the one in the middle in case you couldn't tell!))

We love the inspiration that Pablo Candy-Fingers has given us to do whatever God has enabled us to do for His glory. If a 4 year old can help orphans, so can you. If you would like to see more of Pablo's work, check out his mom's blog. I would encourage you to support Pablo Candy-Fingers as long as he is working and help them bring home the next member(s) of their family!

Simple Joys

2010-07-03T12:42:00.000-08:00

Anyone who knows me knows that I find a huge amount of joy in flowers. Not as much in the cut variety as the ones who slowly emerge and surprise you with the burst of color that only they give with patience and slight care. Most people likely have these moments of excitement in March or April when their flowers are popping up. I must wait until June to see the blooms and flush of colors. This is when I begin my daily vigil of walking around my gardens to check on my "babies."

Every day I check on the flowers to monitor their growth, delight in their beauty, and praise their Maker. I love how little I am involved in the perfection of my plants. Each one is extremely different and wonderful. I find such peace and joy in the flowers (planted and wild) that I don't wonder that God first put Adam and Eve in a Garden!

I have been struggling at times lately resting my spirit. Everyday I see money exchanged for things that are fleeting when they could be used for much more. I see myself doing it, and I don't know how to quell my uneasiness. I still buy flowers or doughnuts or other things that are for a quick dose of temporary happiness. I know there is a balance and I try not to feel too guilty, but there is clearly an awareness that is going on. I have begun to equate the cost of these things with the loss of meals for a child or the lack of a day of school. Spending one day at the hair salon for a cut, hi-lite, & brow wax could send a child to school with a uniform and provide them with 3 meals a day for 6 months. This is why I haven't gone since November.

My regrowth is horrendous, but fortunately, I don't see it much! I don't have new clothes, and mine are beginning to get a bit ratty and stained. But I am clothed. I don't have the cutest styles of flats/boots/sandals, but I have shoes. I've had some moments of wanting newer coverings for myself, but then I remember that I have what I NEED. More than I need, actually.

Spending a little time each day in view of what He created rests my soul. I remember that I am on a journey that is not finished. I remember the changes that we have made to more fully participate in His Kingdom and it excites me to keep changing.

I wonder if my Maker takes His moments to walk around, check His "babies," and watch each day how I grow. I want to delight Him even more than His flowers delight me.

Father's Day

2010-06-20T15:39:00.001-08:00

Father's Day has had mixed feelings for me for the last many years. I've struggled with knowing how to honor my dad while being extremely angry at my parents divorce. Not having children ourselves has kept me from focusing on any other than my own Dad.

This year God has worked on my heart. My fabulous Bible Study group and I have been going through Experiencing God, and recently have been discussing the love relationship with our Heavenly Father. I have discovered that this is not necessarily an easy concept to grasp. I had no idea. I didn't quite realize that having an earthly father who was hard, abusive, or mean could have such implications on our adult perceptions of God as our Father. I discovered that fear is a major component of many people's obedience to God, because that is what they learned from their earthly fathers.

My dad was not like that with me. Don't get me wrong, I have an enormous dad who stands 6'3" tall and to a child, that is giant. He isn't large on the width factor, but being a farmer, he was (and is) plenty strong. In fact, I think my dad is one of the strongest men I've ever known. Anyway, he was a formidable force when I disobeyed, and he was our ultimate threat when we were kids: "Oh yeah? Well, I'll go tell Dad!" And yet, I have many memories of having him come up to bed and read us our bedtime Bible stories, teaching us how to pray, slathering Vicks Vapor-rub on our ticklish necks if we were sick, and being our bucking bronco until we were faint with giggles. I remember being unafraid to ask him hard spiritual questions even very young, and he never made me feel like I was silly as he tried to lead me to find answers.

My dad taught me what a love relationship with my Father could look like, if only in a human glimpse. Dad is not a perfect example, but he showed me how a father can be loving and demand obedience all at the same time. I feared my discipline when I disobeyed, but I never feared my dad. I knew he loved me. I have easily come to understand what a love relationship with my Father can be because of my dad's love for me. This is not a small gift. This is what every dad is responsible for in their children. That is a huge responsibility. It won't be done perfectly, but it can be done to our human extent!

I'm so thankful this Father's Day that I have a Dad who showed me a portion of God's love.

Beaded Hope ~ by Cathy Liggett

2010-06-13T18:47:00.000-08:00

"When four women embark on a mission trip to South Africa, they all have selfish reasons for going. What none of them expects is how profoundly their lives will be transformed by those they meet."

Four distinct women with four very different reasons for joining this trip are all moved beyond the momentary heart pangs we often feel when we hear the statistics that mean death for real people. These women are not different than most that I've met or even me. These are relatable women with lives that are less than perfect. They all join to go on this mission trip to help women of South Africa begin a sustainable source of income, but invariably are served more than they serve. Though the characters are fiction, one can certainly imagine the real circumstances that they face and imagine the faces of the previously known only by statistics.

One thing that I appreciated was that the author was able to bring perspective to the women's issues in comparing them with the women in S.A., but the women were still pressed to solve their problems. The strength of the women in Africa gave the American women the realization that God was bigger than they realized, and He is their strength.

The story was well put together and had an easy flow that made me want to keep reading. There was some predictability, but not so much as to feel like it was unrealistic. It had a clear sense of the Spirit, but was not over-the-top, and even exposed some of the feelings those of us who grow up in church often have. Again, it was very realistic. It was not a "happily-ever-after" tale and shared the heartache of different levels of pain and how God leads them through it. It is not heavy on theology or doctrine, so it's a light easy read.

I enjoyed the book and would recommend it. One of the things that I particularly enjoyed was that a portion of the proceeds from the sale of the novel will go to support the very real organization, Beaded Hope in South Africa. I plan to donate to the organization since I received this book without cost from Tyndale Publishers. A story that supports a worthy cause is definitely one to buy. Please learn more at www.beadedhope.com.

Scared ~ by Tom Davis

2010-06-06T19:12:00.000-08:00

If you want to read a fun, lighthearted story put this book on the back burner. If you want to feel good about your life and the way you live in it, don't open a single page. If you want to feel like you are doing enough and don't want a challenge or you enjoy your ignorance of what is going on to people in this world, don't even - wait; I dare you to read this book and remain as you are.

Tom Davis brings to life a fictional story that is all too real for far too many. Seen through the eyes of a photojournalist, the horrors of poverty in Africa are revealed. It's not a fairytale story where everyone gets everything they want, but it's a glimpse of truth set with the hope of God's salvation for the "least of these" as well as those with plenty. The reality of what the character sees while on his assignment have an impact on him, as well as with me. I felt as he did with eyes newly opened to see the real people, children with names, instead of statistical numbers representing those dying of starvation and AIDS every day. It was heartbreaking and challenging. It was a difficult book to read, not literally, but emotionally. I couldn't put it down, but it wrenched my soul.

It is a call to those who have been given much. In as much as I have been given financially, I could also use some of the complete faith and trust in Jesus that they have to share with me. If you choose to read this book, realize that you will be challenged in the way you live your comfortable, safe life.

Scared is certainly a great book that I would recommend. Just be ready for Jesus to speak to you!

Epic Eighth Anniversary Trip!

2010-05-25T21:24:00.001-08:00

Disclaimer: This is a long post with a lot of pretty amazing pictures. Prepare to spend some time!

I can hardly believe it has been 8 years ago when I convinced my beloved to "just get married!" We semi-eloped to a friend's place who had the most beautiful grounds, and asked our closest family to join us while we said our vows and pledged each to the other. It was the most special day!

Little did I know what was ahead!

For the traditionalists, we did go through the formal ceremony in July when we had set a formal date. It was also beautiful, but in retrospect, the first was the all we needed (though it was fun to wear a fancy dress!).

Every year, we try to celebrate our anniversary by doing something fun and usually outdoors. This year was a take 2 on getting a storage barrel to our bear camp up in the mountains and to do a spring black bear hunt. We had tried the week before but kept loosing our trail in the snow and getting our feet snowed in. We had high hopes that the snow would be much less. It was, for a while. We trudged our way through drifts of snow, winding back and forth to and from the trail. I can't adequately describe how fabulous this was. *Sarcasm!* Then we hit this:

Fortunately, my loving husband chose this moment to suggest we bail. I had been trying to think positively while tromping through muck, mud, & snow while tripping and sometimes falling through the snow and over hidden branches into running water below. Finally, I was just trying to be quiet. "If you don't have something nice to say..." Yeah, I was not going to be saying anything nice! My husband became my hero when he said we should just quit. Then he really pulled out the stops when he produced a tiny bottle of wine to drink with our cheese! It was very fun! Suddenly, I had no problem thinking positively!

Just when I thought it couldn't get any better, he suggested we go down and head to Seward to take a Kenai Fjord tour! This is something I have been asking to do for years but the interest just hadn't waxed as much for Pat. I was so excited and I think he was too! We promptly finished our lunch and made our way to Seward. We had no bedding and were wearing matching camo clothing, so I suggested we try a thrift store to remedy both situations. We found a lovely comforter and pillows with bed mats for cushions, and I did find a nice sweater to add to the old pair of jeans I had in the car. Crisis averted! Since I had "new" duds, we also hit the town and saw a movie! It was quite possibly the most interesting movie theatre I've ever been in. It had fascinating decor, and I was a bit in awe of the Christmas lights around the curtained screen. I wish I would have had my camera as it was somewhat indescribably, well, quaint! We had a rather cool night camping in the car (we did use the automatic start to warm it up a time or two!), and made it to our dock at the appointed time. I was very excited! Pat looked a tiny bit tired, but he was excited, too!

From our second deck window seat, we had a great vantage point to see the first of many wildlife sightings. The first was the Sea Otter. There were many who were just reclining in the midday sun.

Then came the Dall Porpoise. We called them the Killer Dolphins. They have coloring like the Killer Whale but are porpoise and like to play in the boat's wake. They chased us a couple of times, but we remained safe!

(O.K., this wasn't my photo, but I thought I should show you what was splashing in the photo previous to this!)

We did come upon a couple pods of Orca's, the Killer Whale. There were several young and female with one larger male. It was quite obvious to tell the difference! I kept waiting for our deckhands to lean over the deck with a fish hanging from their teeth, but I suppose these guys haven't learned those tricks just yet. It was pretty spectacular to see them for "real!"

We were having a ball running back and forth from our cozy table inside to the upper deck to see more. It was a little breezy up there, and the wind made it a bit chilly, so we chose not to stay outside for too long of intervals.

We were approaching this glacier, Holgate Glacier to be precise, and this other tour boat was ahead of us. I thought it was good to give perspective! We followed suit and slowly advanced on the slightly calving wall of packed snow/ice. I had never heard the calving before, and it was truly thunderous. We only saw smaller pieces fall and it was booming, so I can only imagine what a huge chunk would sound like.

True to form, Pat was on the lookout for bears and found 4 black bears crawling around near the glacier. We also saw many mountain goats with cute little babies, but the real draw for Pat were the bears. He is, at this moment (in the photo and in present tense), planning his next bear hunt, since this one proved to be a bit different!

The Orca's abound! This is one of the male leaders of one of the pods. They were fascinating.

The whales are what I was most excited to see, since we've seen all the other animals before. After seeing all the Killer Whales, we began to have sightings of Humpback Whales! They were either solitary or in a pair, and it was extraordinary to see them! The captain of the boat would get as close as we safely could, then turn off the main engine to achieve as much quiet as possible. You could hear them blow out as they surfaced and then slid back down. Everyone on the boat would gasp with excitement with each fluke. It was amazing!

Spectacular! I couldn't think of a better way to spend a Sunday, worshiping in creation!

We did come back pretty tired. It seems that even our dogs were exhausted and we all just crashed with pleasant, peaceful rest! That was truly the best bear hunt on which I've ever been, and one of the most memorable anniversaries yet!

Hello? Hello? Can you hear me now?

2010-05-21T09:30:00.000-08:00

This spring, we removed a large tree stump from between our house and garage. It was no small feat. In fact, it took a friend's backhoe (yes, we have a friend with his own backhoe) to dig out the surrounding soil, frost included, loosen up the roots with an ax, and then pull it out. It took hours. We then had a ton of backfill to do with the pit-run we had delivered earlier. We had used this pit-run to create a positive drainage situation from our driveway to the backyard, without nearing the house or garage. To say the least, there was a lot of pit-run. In case you are not aware, pit-run is a "dirty sand" mixture used to form a base of buildings, driveways, etc. It's heavy. It settles. It worked very well for our purposes.

Well, come to a couple days ago when I got home to find our phone not working. It said on the receiver, "no line." Strangely enough, my internet still worked. Until the next day.

I called the phone company and they suggested I test the line from the exterior box and that they'd put a request in to repair it in a couple of days. Super. They did forward my line to my cell phone so I wouldn't miss any calls, which was nice.

I came home from work and pulled out the princess phone; you know, the one with the "lanyard!" I took it under the deck and opened the box and plugged the phone line into it. Nothing. Well, it looked like they'd be paying for the repairs, right? Nope. My handyman hubby came home and realized that our pit-run had pulled the main line out of the box as it settled. Dang. It was our fault. The weight of our solution to our water issue had created a new disconnection.

I hate it when that happens in my "real" life.

I have felt so disconnected lately. My husband can hardly believe that since I am so tied to my computer and phone. It's not the same, though. You know. I wish I had been watching my "phone line" while setting up my solution for my "drainage problem." Yeah, that's vague. Sorry. I'll clarify. I have a great need to be connected to my family. I love them tremendously. They are incredibly valuable to me. All of them. I have not been able to spend time with them for a year and 3 months. I was so set on solving the "problem" of when to come to help my sister with their travel needs to Africa that I pulled the plug on my connection. This is all my doing. I don't remember praying about or seeking a way to keep that connection solid, because my focus was on the other. There's nothing detrimental about it, fortunately. Just like our phone connection, it can be reconnected and resumed. I'm just waiting for that to happen! My connection is vital for me, not because I put them above my husband or that I don't rely on Jesus to meet my needs, but it's because I love them and I want to be a part of their lives. I miss all the little things, and it's not the same to have to celebrate/grieve/live through big events through the airwaves. I'm looking forward to the day I walk down the aisle at the airport to see familiar faces, some growing up, and I can feel a bit more connected.

In the meantime, I have been in this holding pattern waiting for our house to sell in order to see what God is going to have us do! I was shown through our study of Experiencing God, that I need not wait. He is working right now around me and all I have to do is join Him. What am I waiting for? Again I'm focusing on the weighty solution for one issue and it's disconnected me from the most important relationship. This is a disconnect that can be immediately remedied!

Lucky Number 13!

2010-05-06T06:47:00.000-08:00

Oh how I wish I could show you all a picture of my new nephew!

My sister got her referral on Tuesday and I have been just enthralled ever since.

That day was interesting, as I had accidentally left my phone in the house as I drove away. I realized it shortly after I left my driveway and after a split second thought of "What if today is the day?" I rushed back to get it. I am so glad I did! I don't remember exactly what time it was, but my day at work hadn't gone too far when my phone began to vibrate. With my very dirty hands (I was transplanting flowers), I fumbled to pull my phone out of my pocket and see who was calling me. I was already a bit excited thinking it may be my sister, but when I saw that it was, I just about jumped out of my skin trying to remain calm as I answered, "Hello?" It was her and she said it was IT!!!! I immediately began to bawl and ran outside where I could be alone in my jubilant tears! Plus I wanted to run around and jump and scream! After hearing the few details, I tried to go back to work, all the while telling everyone I could about it.

As much as I'd like to pity myself for not getting to share in person this fabulous moment, I can't! My joy is overflowing and I am so happy, it doesn't matter where I am! I love that I live in the days of technology and can share moments over a phone and computer! So is my husband, or I'd have never left the "midlands!" I now wait with gargantuan amounts of anticipation for the day I can go to Kansas and bawl all over again when I see my sister and we can send them out to pick up their son! I will likely bawl when they get home and we embrace (figuratively if not literally!) the little guy into our family. O.K., we already love him to death, just like the previous N&N's! I'm so excited! Can you tell? I will have the joy to meet two new nephews on that trip! Remember my brother's little guy? He looks like he's ready for some Aunt Meli time, too!

Well, I just wanted to share my joy wave for this week! I can't wait to share pictures and all that sort of thing, but if you weren't aware, that is not allowed until the process is officially complete and he is theirs. I knew you'd understand! Whew, 13 N&N's! Love it!

Grow!

2010-04-25T19:56:00.002-08:00

I am so excited!

My group has decided to spend the summer Experiencing God!
I think it's rather appropriate living up in Alaska. I know other people think they live in "God's Country," but I think He made Alaska in His most favorite mood! The mountains here are breathtakingly beautiful, the lakes are too numerous to count, the rivers vary from trickles to raging, and the wildlife is unbeatable. All of these things are just beginning to emerge as the snow slowly melts and disappears.

It's actually my least favorite time of year.

I've never liked spring. It's such a tease. You want and expect it to be all flowers and sunshine and it rarely cooperates. Even when I lived in Kansas it was either too short and gave way to the blistering temperatures of summer, or it was simply bleak and dreary. Yes, I'm a bit over-dramatic.

It's way worse in Alaska. It has been a month of melting that reveals the brown and gray of the landscape, a stark contrast to the brilliant white of winter or the all-consuming greens of summer. It's mucky and wet and cold. I know I should be used to the cold, but when you are expecting the warmth, it makes the cold colder. I joke that I "get" to experience an Alaskan winter, which is incredibly gorgeous, but then have to go through a Kansas winter which we call "Break-up." The name is pretty self-explanatory, but this is when all the snow and ice break up and melt. It looks like Kansas in the winter: gray and lifeless. (I liken the bits of green in the fields of winter wheat to the spruce trees that break up the monotonous white and gray birch and aspen trunks.)
All this to say that I'm in such a need for a Spiritual Spring! I'm ready to have my subdued Christian walk burst forth and sprout into something alive! I'm ready to feel the Son warm me and make me grow this summer, and I'm excited about it! As I am a plant person, these types of analogies resonate with me. They are a little bit cheesy, but alas, that is my favorite food, so I suppose it's bound to come through.

Seriously, though, I walked around my yard yesterday when the sun warmed it to a balmy 49 degrees, and began to clear away the old debris around my perennials flowers. Most of these were planted later last summer and didn't have too long to take root, so I'm curious as to what made it through our relatively mild winter. As I pulled the wet and decayed leaves off the bases of the plants, I began to see tiny little peaks of green emerging. I would position myself so I could kneel as close as possible without setting myself upon one of these hidden gems and bend down to get as close of a look as I could. The sun was warming the mulch and I could smell the moist earth mingling with the threat of mosses and leaf mold. It's a fabulous scent to this nose. I began my daily walk-throughs a while ago when the first beds were appearing with little to no signs of life. Lately, our weather has been warming, so my frustrations are easing and I'm seeing more and more. A couple of times, I would uncover the expansion of a plant, and that usually makes me ecstatic! I'm fond of the "bullies" and have little use for flowers that take an exceptional amount of babying. I love to see my little leaves poking up through the barely warmed soil and I can't wait to see how much bigger it will be this year! They always get bigger, you know. And the bigger they get the more spectacular they are, but if they get too big, they can start to die out and need to be divided.
I can't wait to grow this summer! I heartily dislike the notion that Bible Studies should disband for the summer. In the craziness and fun of summer, I still need growth and Godly women to surround me. I am so incredibly happy that I am not alone! The great thing about it is I feel that I can expect the growth to happen, I am anticipating God to work in me and our group, and there will be no disappointed waiting for "spring" to arrive. I can't wait to see the result! I would even like to see an eventual "dividing." I don't see it in our near future, but could honestly see each one of the members of our group leading a group someday. For now, though, I'll brace myself and prepare to grow and Experience God!

Prep for Showings

2010-04-16T16:31:00.000-08:00

I've been painting A LOT! I totally repainted the upstairs (tv room) and bathroom and worked to clean out and eliminate clutter in order to streamline the rooms. I've spent much energy preparing our home and trying to keep it ready for a last-minute showing. To my dismay, the floors are incapable of staying clean. Somehow the kitchen and bathroom continually need work. Why can't we just live in the garage for a while?!

The thought occurred to me: How much to I prepare my heart (as Christ's home) for His coming?

I rarely give too much thought to the second coming or end times. I tend to feel that dissecting the details of what may happen is a waste of time when, regardless of your views, the implications are exactly the same: Love God and Love People to show God's Love! I was challenged, however, to ponder how ready I am to show myself to my Lord, whether He comes to me or I go to Him.

Do I have too much clutter in my life? Am I hoarding things that speak more to the things of my own personal desires and not the desires of Christ? If I was called to Him tomorrow, what would I want to clean up, remove, or redo?

One of the things that I am currently struggling with is my "purpose." Because we have chosen to keep our family as it is, we do feel we are uniquely situated to do something. I don't exactly know what. It's part of our NEED LESS PROJECT. We want to position ourselves to be able to be used in whatever way God calls us. At this exact moment, I don't feel ready to meet Christ. I want to redo a few things and I'm not sure how long to wait to begin. I want to pursue purpose! My heart is telling me there is more than what I am doing and that I have a calling that is greater. Fortunately, I know God is working and as I am listening, I am confident that God will reveal His desires for me. I'm pretty sure my life will be changing in the next year and I'm not sure how, exactly. One more thing I can find comfort in, is that God is using this moment to prepare me for whatever it is He will do. Time is never wasted.

In the time I have been given, I want to do better preparation. I need to de-clutter and spruce up a few places in my life and spend a bit of effort on places that I have been letting go too long.

This is a showing for which I want to be prepared!

Oh Vanity!

2010-04-10T18:18:00.001-08:00

I was visiting with a co-worker the other day and explaining the reasons why I no longer wear shorts.

I, for some reason, still own one pair and actually donned them for two hours last summer while I was working out in the yard and it reached an unearthly temperature of 72. It was on the south side of the house, there was no wind, and I'm positive the thermometer read 90-something. It was only for two hours, though, and I was able to quickly revert back to my jeans once the sun began it's northern fall. Yes, the sun sets in the north up here in the summer, and come to think of it, also rises in the north in the summer; just opposite sides of north!

When we moved up to The Great Land, I was not saddened to relinquish my shorts, as I never particularly liked pictures of me wearing them. I couldn't remember feeling awkward with them on, but really hated those pictures! I clearly needed TLC's What Not to Wear's help in choosing the right fit, but instead, moved to a place that no longer dictated that I wear them. I began to notice the melanin leaving my legs once we arrived in this great state. It happened rather slowly, but definitively. I chose at one point to pay for the opportunity to have cancerous rays accompanied with luscious warmth poured around my body. I've often suggested that the owners of such establishments have a room that has Happy Lights, a sauna, and then a spray tan! I'd pay for that. Well, I did convince the melanin to return to my skin through those months, but I felt a bit like I was playing cancer roulette. I haven't been back.

Just recently I have noticed the "cancer-free" look of my legs again, and have been tempted to return to the warming lights of destruction. (I've heard too many real-life tales of skin cancer to pursue it too much) I have realized that cellulite is much, much less visible on tanned skin. I was also alerted in the last few moments that I have sprouted yet another lovely situation that I can only assume would be less visible with less of a contrasting color of pigment. I have had a couple varicose veins behind my knee for some time and have lamented that genealogical curse a number of years back. I've just discovered that I am now in the possession of spider veins as well. Oh joy. As I am not likely to spend the incredible amount of money for such a vain vein, I may feel the need for some tinted lotion.

Where I've Been

2010-04-07T07:48:00.001-08:00

I have not been avoiding you. I promise.
I have been extremely busy with our NEED LESS PROJECT and getting our house up on the market.
The cleaning up and cleaning out is simply endless and it makes me almost glad to keep my moving every 3 years streak alive! Just imagine the clutter I'd collect if I stayed in one place for too long! Yes, you are right, it's mostly my husband who is the "collector," but I thought I'd try to share blame!

The house is now listed on Craigslist and Alaskalist and I've started a blog to post more information and pictures at 47130autumnroad.blogspot.com. It is coming along and we've had an interested party call inquiring more. They are from California, so not being able to come by is a hindrance to them and thus requires me to send more. I'm perfectly fine with that! I'm rather excited as a matter of fact! I just wish I didn't have this pesky job thing to go to so I could devote my time to gathering and sending information!! Oh, well. The joys of selling.

We have both been extremely motivated to finish projects and create new ones on our house. It has been fascinating to see how God has been providing funds to do so. I don't imagine He's doing this to help us live in a home that is nicer. I'm sure it is because He will sell it soon! I doubt He feels any necessity in a stainless dishwasher over a white one, especially since it doesn't even work as well, but He provided it! Our next big project will be to redo the deck and since the snow is beginning to melt, we should be able to kick that off in a week or two, barring any future snow dumps. We still have some tweaking to do on the house and are contemplating putting in new cabinets/counter for the kitchen, but not too sure about that one just yet. I know HGTV recommends it, but if we can sell it without, we will! We'd have to raise our price if we do too much renovation! Shucks!

I just thought I'd give an update on where I've been and where I'll likely be for a short bit. I will try to keep updated! Thanks for all the encouragements!

Wrestling with Communion

2010-03-28T18:09:00.003-08:00

I've been having a little wrestling match with God about Communion. Without spoiling the surprise, I did not have a Jacob moment. I didn't win.

I love participating in the Lord's Supper. It has always held a sense of awe for me even when I was a child and couldn't participate. I remember the first time I took Communion. I felt so grown up and excited. I think the bread and grape juice were especially amazing that first time! I've had various emotions through the years regarding this tradition. Some experiences have been filled with joy while others seem to weigh me down with the enormity of Christ's sacrifice. This time I was a basket case of determined feelings.

Yesterday I had asked my husband if we were going to participate in the whole Communion service. He said we were. I asked why. He said because. I was very confused because we had never stayed for the entire thing before. Let me explain, because I can tell you are also confused!

Of the many lovely denominations that I have attended before, I have never experienced a three-fold celebration of Communion. What this means is that not only is the bread and the cup shared, but also a full meal (think potluck) and footwashing. There are some within the denomination who feel there is a precise order to which all this should follow, but my fabulous pastor has shaken things up the last few times. Crazy, I know! He's like that! Anyway, the last time we celebrated Communion, we observed the bread and the cup at the end of the regular church service, and then those who wanted stayed for the meal and the footwashing. We chose to avoid the second two parts, but I was so grateful for the opportunity to take Communion in my familiar fashion as it had been years since I had participated due to the previous order of the ceremony.

I have never had my feet washed in a ceremonial fashion before and to be quite frank, it sounded weird to me. Oh, I know it has a beautiful symbolism, but I thought even that was lost on us culturally with our wool sock-covered, warm shoe laden feet. We don't often wear sandals around these parts (unless you are in high school which seems to warrant all kinds of strange apparel choices - oh I'm old). I was also quite positively in disagreement to the sense of absoluteness that the meal and the footwashing were part of what Jesus wanted us to commemorate. I was going with the majority rules argument on that one, along with my extensive Biblical training. (Sarcasm, in case you don't know me well!)

Our church often has what we call "carry-in dinners." This is what I used to call potluck! I had worked all day yesterday painting and hadn't fixed anything as of 9:30 last night. My husband, still positive that we were going to participate in all three parts of Communion, suggested I do a crock pot roast or stew that could just be thrown together and cooked overnight. Oh, fine.

This morning I woke up tired and a bit annoyed that I had to not only participate in this long, drawn out tradition, but I also had to get up early and be at church by 8:00 AM for my man to practice for music worship. I wish I could say I was more supportive, but I wasn't.

I began to read in Isaiah during the practice time while drinking my coffee. This was part of my off-and-on reading and I found myself in chapter 58 which has a subtitle, "True and False Worship." I'll share more on what God told me through that time later, but suffice it to say, I was beginning to feel myself being challenged.

I skipped Sunday School with the excuse that the usual teacher was gone, and I just didn't feel like "sharing." Instead I went to the closest grocery store, milled around, and came back to church in time for the fellowship time before service. By this time, I had looked up in Scripture more reasons to why I was right in my thoughts.

My plan was to participate in the first two aspects and wait in the car for Pat to finish the footwashing. I was sure the wrestling match was over. I was fighting for position hard on this one.

We began to sing one of the songs in the middle of worship and God spoke to me. I can't explain how He did it, but He very clearly said to me, If you won't even wash feet, why would you do anything that really required sacrifice?

I felt my position completely faltering.

If you won't do things that seem impractical, how can I show you my Supernatural?

I'm slipping.

I think you need to get over it.

I'm out. I'm tapping, but He's not done.

You know it's about me, not you. So, on the practical side, are you actively doing the practical things that serve others instead of the symbolic act of washing feet?"

I'm now wishing I could lay flat out in submission and humiliation.

Just at this moment, we began to sing the song, Heart of Worship, and I sang in all earnest, "It's all about you, Jesus."

My heart was so changed through that exchange, and I thoroughly enjoyed every part of our three-part celebration of Communion today. I did not have any momentous breakthrough regarding my feeling of awkwardness during the footwashing. I still think it's weird and uncomfortable! It may not be quite as awkward next time, though.

I also realized that there may be issues that I could possibly be right about, but God is asking me to do it anyway. How about that one. Will I participate in something that God wants me to do when I don't want to do it, and really, it's not a huge salvation issue? How high do I value obedience? I decided today that if God wants me to do something and He clearly states it to me, I will obey. Period. He wins!

The Big Picture

2010-03-24T19:34:00.002-08:00

This was us when we first entered Alaska; excited and without a clue! We had no agenda, no schedule, and no idea what we would do when we got here. Notice the truck behind us: it alone housed what we brought, along with the trailer and the clearly necessary canoe. We didn't need much then.

God has certainly brought us a long way from this moment 4 1/2 years ago. I think we have both matured in ways that would have only happened in this place. I know I have become much more self-sufficient (in good ways!) than I ever had been. Ironically, I have also become much more dependent than I would have ever believed.

My lack of appearances on this blog of late has been somewhat purposeful. I've been in avoidance mode. The blog-world has truly opened my eyes to the world and life beyond my comfortable places. I have been exposed to women who are fighting cancer, mom's dealing with unfathomable difficulties with their children, people who have dedicated their lives to loving the "least of these" in Africa, a woman who serves on a medical ship off the coast of Africa, and many others.

This exposure gives me a perspective on my own life that keeps me in check, if you will. When I have the correct view, I see my trials as minor in comparison. I don't discount them completely, but I don't give them the momentous focus. Well, lately I have been feeling very sorry for myself. Note the previous post! Yes, just moments after that entry was out, I blew up once again in a tirade of self-pity. I jokingly told myself I should read my own post again. Or maybe that was someOne else!

I have been feeling very alone lately. You see, we have no biological family up here, and I am very close to mine. We have had a lot of things happen this month in my family and it has hurt to be so far away missing in the joys and trials. I began to wallow in my aloneness. I would have moments of reality when friends would ask for prayer for situations much more dire than mine, but my mind would quickly relapse to my poor, poor self. In one of my pity parties, my oh-so-patient-husband challenged me to literally write down the blessings in my life. I told him I couldn't think of any that didn't conversely bring me pain. This is how deep I was sinking in my pit. I was sulking and refusing to look up.

Last week in our Bible study, Priscilla Shirer spoke about Moses. I could never do her justice, so please do her study, Discerning the Voice of God. We are in week 5. Moses had to wait 80 years to hear from God. He waited 40 of those in the desert. Not one of those individual days was wasted as God was using each moment to hone skills that Moses would need to lead God's people out of Egypt. I cannot imagine the level of patience Moses needed or the amount of self-control, wisdom, leadership, shepherding skills, desert information, determination, etc., that God worked into Moses's life to accomplish His will.

I have to admit, I'm afraid. I'm a little afraid that God will ask us to go further away from my family. Don't misunderstand, I would go in a heartbeat, but it would hurt. Sacrifices always do. I have no idea if anything like this would happen. I am being honed - dragged kicking and screaming, but nonetheless honed! I think my family would agree that obedience to Jesus far trumps family ties. Didn't He say something about that? Another post, perhaps!

I'm seeing a bit more clearly. I'm beginning to understand that whatever God purposes for me to do, I am being equipped right now. Not one day is being wasted. This day has a purpose for me, whether I see it or not. I doubt Moses saw the potential benefit in being able to lead a bunch of stupid sheep in the desert mountains. There is a bigger picture. I want to be part of it. I get to be part of it!

Pity Party

2010-03-09T19:13:00.004-09:00

Have you ever prayed to hear God's voice, and then when He spoke to you, you didn't particularly care to hear it?

This morning I awoke alone, as my husband is across the inlet, to near white-out conditions outside. For all of you anticipating Spring's kiss of green, I give you my look of annoyance. I know some of you can picture it now! For it is far from Spring in the wild lands of Alaska. It's also far from Spring in the manicured lands of this piece of Alaska. We still have a solid month of winter and March is often the month of many snows. Apparently, this is one of those years. It has proceeded to snow about 8", give or take, since my handsome man left one week ago.

Thus my pity party.

I expressed a bit of my frustration to my manly man yesterday about the peculiar situation of having a double car garage with an extra lean-to, and no place to park my car out of the weather. I had seemingly mistaken our building with two garage doors as a garage, when it is in fact, a shop. Silly me. You can surely see where I got my misguided ideas.

I had lamented the lack of adequate cover when my husband simply suggested I move the project pieces that were placed in this area over and thus allowing my car to fit. Yes, simple. I went out this morning planning to move the car into the garage enabling me to get it out of the way to take the 4x4 truck, as it had just snowed another 4" and blew into our driveway creating a fascinating "U" shape. I knew the car stood no chance against snow that deep.

Let me back up. In case you don't see me on facebook, I took a bit of a spill on Friday night last. I slipped on a patch of ice that was cleverly hiding underneath the newly fallen 4" of snow as of that point. It was rather painful, but I landed pretty well considering and only managed to torque my shoulder pretty hard. Nothing broken, but very sore following. I worked on Saturday and on Sunday did not rest, but rather restacked our porch supply of firewood which is about 6 heaping wheelbarrow loads. Not exactly the best thing for my shoulder.

Back to today: I went out to find I needed to shovel the snow from around my car to first enable me to center it and drive it into the garage. It wasn't too bad for my shoulder, as I tried to use my left arm for the weight. Then I went into the garage for the simple task of moving the projects. I was able to move one project without much issue. Unfortunately, it was not to be with the second. I heaved and I heaved, but alas, the welding cart with the custom bumper atop, would only scoot so far under my limited power. I even used up my super-human anger power to no avail. It was then that I began to feel very sorry for myself. I had to go back outside, scoop more snow, & move the car back over as far from the truck and as close to the garage as possible. Did I mention I had to broom off the 4" of snow from the car, AND the truck? No? O.K., at least I'm not repeating myself. I then pulled the truck out into the driveway and made sure it would make it out. It did. I backed in, pulled out, backed in, pulled out in order to drive down the snow and make it easier for me to drive out if I decided to ever take the car out again.

You may ask if I could have used a snowblower? Why yes, we do own one, but no, I am not able to use it. I have not been given instructions, and even if I had, my shoulder would have prevented me from wielding the beast. Could I have called someone to plow the driveway? Perhaps, though I doubted they would get there in time for me to get to work, plus I couldn't remember who my husband said to call. Besides, there was a "sled-bed", a flatbed that sits on top of a truck bed that allows 2 snowmachines (snowmobiles) to sit atop it, sitting in the driveway as well. I don't think plow guys like things in their way.

Any-hoo, I was quite peeved by the time I got to work. I felt that this was all avoidable, had my husband just been home and done all the work for me. After all, isn't that his job? To take care of me? I thought so. In fact, I was so convinced of the injustice of my situation, that when he called (one of the 2 phone calls he gets to have with me per day) I let him know exactly how I felt. I was not going to budge in my analysis of the morning despite the so-called "solutions" he kept throwing out. He clearly did not understand. I was so frustrated that I cut the call short and told him I needed to get back to work. We hung up.

Then I heard HIM.

That wasn't necessary, was it? You know he hasn't chosen to be away from you, but is trying to provide for you. You already know he didn't leave the items in the garage in your way on purpose. Remember how quickly he was called out to leave? You never mentioned your desire to have those things moved. And why are you relying on him to meet all your needs? Why didn't you ask ME for help in any of those things? I may have had an idea or two. You do remember that when you have tons of rationalizations, that usually means you are wrong? If not wrong, then possibly overreacting. Is this really worth being this upset? By the way, I love you.

Oh shoot. All this happened almost instantly after I hung up the phone. I've been miserable ever since. Please do not console me. My lack of peace is certainly from the Holy Spirit! I cannot call my fabulous husband, so I am waiting for him to call me so I can apologize profusely. I was wrong. I was selfish. I was expecting things that he cannot give me. I saw a friend write today, "A successful marriage is the union between two great forgivers." I am fortunate that I have one. He makes me want to follow his lead and be one too. This was one party that I'm glad is over. Kinda wish I wouldn't have attended!

12!

2010-03-01T20:50:00.002-09:00

I'd like to introduce to you my new nephew, Sheperd Ryan! Isn't he beautiful?!

He was born today, and even though I am 3500 miles away, my heart is jumping up and down and wishing I could hold him and watch his older 3 sibling for his mommy and daddy.

That dashing young man is my youngest brother and the gorgeous woman is his beautiful wife and mother of his 4 children! Aren't they so good-looking?! I think so.

I have to admit, I'm not usually one to ooo and aahh over babies. I sort-of think they look like aliens. Especially with the whole growing inside thing. Yep, I'm not a momma! But look at this little guy! Isn't he perfect?! I must hand it to them, they make beautiful babies!

I'm rambling a bit, but I can't help it: I really wish I could have been there. I have never been near for any of their children's births. I have been lucky enough to be able to head to the hospital for all of my sisters 3 and for one SIL's twins. I've missed another SIL's 2, the first SIL's adopted cutie-pie's entrance, and all 4 of my brothers kiddo's. While this may not seem like a big thing to you, I have to say that I absolutely LOVE my siblings. ALL of them! I LOVE their spouses. I have come to realize that this is not a usual thing. Sad, because I LOVE it! The part I HATE is not being there to share these special moments. Even in just the background things.

Someday, I hope to have the ability to spend more time with my siblings and my N&N's! (that's part of the NEED LESS plan!)

Congratulations Adam and Becky! I love you more than you know and will be praying for you and your family!

Thankful Thursday

2010-02-25T17:37:00.002-09:00

I am clearly not so dedicated to this meme as I had hoped, though every Thursday I think of many things for which I am thankful. This day:

I am thankful for the Smokey Blue Cheese that my husband brought home from the Tillamook Cheese Factory in Portland! Yum!
I am thankful for each of the women in my group with whom I have the privilege of spending my Thursday nights. They are such a blessing to me: going back to blessing meaning things that draw us nearer to our Lord!
I am thankful that I came upon some thank you notes written by the hands of some of the most precious little people in the world. I am overwhelmed with the love I feel for my N&N's!
I am thankful for the path I am taking in this world and how it has been so incredibly not what I would have imagined.
I am thankful for a husband who is growing deeper in his walk with Jesus and I have the joy of being his wife (and I do mean joy: this man can make you laugh and just feel amazing!)!

Listening

2010-02-20T16:18:00.004-09:00

I guess it's not just me. Bella gets this way, too. Just a bit less motivated to even hold my head up!
Actually, I just had a "slumber-party" with a friend and I'm sleepy!

Have you ever asked Jesus for something and He completely gives it to you? I have been studying Priscilla Shirer's Discerning the Voice of God. The very first week, she encouraged me to Anticipate hearing from God! If I'm not expecting it, I won't be listening. Bingo.
The last few weeks I feel like I have tapped a vein of pure gold. He really does speak all the time! It's not some Sound of Music moment where I'm up on a meadow spinning and singing and He opens the heavens and thunders with His voice. It's definitely the still, small voice.
Just today, He guided me in a communication I felt I needed to make and I'm so glad He did. I was mistaken in my conclusions, and had I gone my way, it could have been much worse. As it is, I was easily able to apologize and clear things up without completely sticking my foot in my mouth. Why He chose to save my pride a bit is beyond me, but I am thankful.
This also has proven to me that once you get the taste of intimate conversation with Jesus, you just want more. Way more. It's just so practical! The amazing thing is, He wants it too! The only "glitch" is that you have to take His advice or He really will quit giving it to you. No more of the asking "what do you think?" if you have no intention of changing your plans. That reminds me of the saying we had at a church we used to attend: "Yes, Lord! Now, what's the question?" You have to be careful if you are sincere in this, because He just may ask you for something supremely difficult. The rewards will supremely worth it.
I'm loving the conversations. I'm going to keep listening. It's much more rewarding to have conversations that are two-way!
That's something to keep my head up!

Lent

2010-02-17T23:23:00.005-09:00

I grew up in a church that gave me some very wonderful basics and taught me to love Jesus. That lovely church also seemed to have a very big emphasis on being anti-catholic. What I mean by this is that in retrospect, it seemed to have no real traditions and made a huge point of proclaiming that the sacraments were acts of obedience, not salvation (of which I still agree). I think the only reason we ever did any sacraments (baptism and the Lord's supper) were out of obedience. We had no statues, no liturgy, nothing that would possibly tempt us to put value on anything other than our relationship with Jesus. I think this is a wonderful motivation, but I felt a little left-out.

Now, I should say that this may not be the official position of this particular church in that particular denomination, but that's what I got from it. When I grew up and had the opportunity to attend churches of other denominations, I often became pious and scoffed at the traditions and formalities observed. I took the importance placed on these formalities to judge their motives and their hearts, all-the-while still feeling left-out.

Then I listened.

It was really beautiful. I hadn't really paid much attention to the creeds or how it may sound to Jesus to hear His people in unison, proclaiming their faith in Him. I was moved almost to tears. I became a huge fan of liturgy, though for just a short while (I'm a bit rebellious and don't like people to tell me what to do or how to worship - I'm working on that, remember!). I have since found some real value in observing traditions with which I did not grow up.

Lent is one such tradition.

Without any instruction, I have chosen to try and make the next weeks leading up to Easter a time to truly focus myself on hearing from Him. I'm not one to remove something from my diet or stop a behavior that I shouldn't be doing anyway. Instead, I'm going to try and insert a time each day that I will be still and listen for His still, small voice.

This may sound like such a simple thing, and it is. It is not easy. I don't often come to the Throne without many, many words. I'm a talker. He knows that, too. I really want to be a listener. I want to be one of those people who can hear God speak frequently. I've had my big moment of personal revelation, but I really want to be in full conversation with God; full meaning two-way.

I'm excited about this Lenten Season. I can't wait to hear what God says to me! It's pretty incredible that the Lord of the universe and creator of all things would actually WANT to have those private conversations with me. How can I resist? I am no longer feeling left-out.

Valentines Day Dress-up

2010-02-14T20:49:00.000-09:00

For this Valentines Day, I thought I would dress up a little for Pat to go to church and actually do my hair, makeup, and I even gussied it up and wore my Grandma B's earrings! I guess it's been a while, 'cause I got a LOT of comments! I think it was the earrings, because seriously, my regrowth is becoming horrific. Unfortunately, in our NEED LESS PROJECT, touch up highlights are not on the docket. I digress. Grandma B's FABULOUS earrings:

When we got home from church and redressed in our casual clothes, Pat asked me to help him out in the shop. I thought I would continue my gifting spirit and give him a hand. He asked me to be a guinea pig and test some welding rod that he'd like to use in his upcoming welding lessons.
Oh, you didn't know? Yes, he has had the vision of giving kids an introduction to welding. He is very motivated and excited for this venture and has been working to make up a type of itinerary. He's got one boy on the list to get started this week.
I went out and let him teach me how to weld. I've never stick-welded, so this was a new one for me.

As usual, he was a great teacher! He taught me to strike an arc, how to push the rod into the weld, and coached me to take my time and make sure I penetrated both pieces of metal with the weld. He makes it look easy, and it's a little tricky, but I began to get the feel for it and didn't do too bad!
I think this actually made the better dress-up gift!

Red Letters by Tom Davis: Book Review

2010-02-06T21:13:00.002-09:00

I was very excited to receive this book from my sister who absolutely loved it! It took me a while to finish other readings and get started with this, but once I got it opened, it was hard to put away. Tom Davis presents the question of what might it look like if we really lived out what Jesus taught. We say we believe all the "red letters" that Jesus spoke, but we rarely practice what we preach. Oh, we practice the smallest amount possible in a way that is comfortable to us and makes us feel like we are doing something, while a child in a remote village far away wastes away, alone, hungry. The sad part is, we aren't moved to action by this. Tom Davis clearly has a passion to wake us up to what is happening in the world and to spur us on to action. I was crushed by some of the statistics and it has further my drive to do more.

On a personal note, I have been more and more annoyed at the superficiality of people. I am horrified at how much money we spend on things that are temporal. We meaning all of us. I am aghast at how much people spend on luxuries while never turning any attention to needs outside their own home. I think it's so sad the attitude I've seen after the Haiti disaster. I have heard so many or read so many thoughts that were hostile to helping others because they wanted more for themselves. We Christians should be in the forefront of giving. So much so that we are looked at with confusion and wonder. We should not make sense in our culture today. We should be radically different!

What if we really lived the Red Letters? What if our faith really bled? How many lives would then be saved? Will you be able to tell Jesus that you just couldn't afford to help Him and yet could afford those new clothes, daily coffee stop, or getting your hair colored every 8 weeks?

Quick Note...

2010-02-02T17:34:00.003-09:00

OK people. You prayed too much!
My husband called and had me pick him up at the airport at noon yesterday. It's a mixed blessing, as it means he is home, but now not working again. Fortunately, he did pick up a side job that may last a week or so! God is still providing our daily bread and we are still thankful!
Of course, this also means he has me out helping him and preventing me from spending too much time on the computer! On that note, I'd better get supper on the table!

Fly Away

2010-01-30T19:06:00.003-09:00

I'm feeling a bit lost tonight. I took my husband to the little airport (airstrip really) and watched as the small plane flew away with him in it. I am so thankful for the work that God has provided that I don't want to complain about any of it. I will miss him when he's gone. He flew across the inlet to an oil camp to work. It's not any set schedule, so I don't exactly know when I will see him again. I don't imagine it will be longer than 3 weeks, but I hope it's sooner.

The first couple days are the hardest.

This is one of the reasons we are doing the NEED LESS PROJECT. If we didn't have a mortgage, it wouldn't matter if there was no work locally. We could hold out for the work that is here.

To make matters "worse", the puppies we've had for the last 8 weeks will be all in their new homes by tomorrow. That is actually a great answer to prayer, but I have to admit, I'll miss their little faces and silly antics. It will just be me and my two dogs!

I almost lost it today when, standing on the gravel just outside the airstrip office, my very much missed husband hugged me and prayed with me. I really, really love that man. He has been growing in Christ and I feel so honored to be his wife. I often hear parents talk about how their kids give them reasons to be better people. I feel that way about my husband. He has helped me grow in so many ways, not the least in my relationship with Christ.

My husband didn't leave me alone. He left me in the care of the One who is most able to care for me. I will be glad when he comes home, though!

Who's the Boss?

2010-01-24T12:11:00.003-09:00

(Sorry, no homage to the 80's sitcom.)

It was a warmer day today. It's in the double digits and it looks to be in the 20's even! This is important due to the siding project we've been after all week. We've been painting the siding/trim inside our heated garage and installing it once it's dry. Our last pieces just happen to be the most difficult pieces to place: the soffits. We have an incredibly steep pitch and it won't be super fun, even though it's my husband who will be up the ladder. We do have a real ladder and not the "ladder of death" that had been in use during the construction of the garage (2x4's nailed together to form a ladder). I find some relief in that fact.

This project has revealed in me my intense desire not to be bossed around. Being a 2nd child, I was often placed under the authority of my older sister. Not until she went to college did I get to be the boss, and even then, it was only for 2 years until I went as well. It's probably a good thing I was not born first. I REALLY like to be the boss. Just ask my younger brothers. Wait. Please don't.

I was reminded of how much I have always liked to be in control. I think I was around 6 or 7 when I decided I would be better off on my own. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess it was due to the fact I was being told to do something that I didn't like. I don't actually remember that part. Well, off I went carrying some provisions I imagine. I began my journey down our driveway to find my little brother tailing me and asking if he could come with me. I really couldn't be burdened with such a task, so I tried my best to discourage his desires. I believe it came down to literally losing him in the corn field that flanked our driveway at that time. Oh, now I was free! I was imagining my mom feeling heartbroken at the thought of me gone forever. If only she had just left me alone and relieved me of my chores, I may have just stayed. I just knew I'd gotten to her with this one. Picture Ralphie in a Christmas Story thinking of his parents distress at having poisoned him blind by soap! I had no real idea of where I was going or what I'd do, but I just knew I had to leave. (Insert dramatic flair heavily!)

My guess of what happened at home goes a little like this: my brother goes home crying that I was being mean to him and that he was scared after getting lost in the corn. My mom then soothes my brother and likely laughs and sighs at the same time trying to think of whatever she will do with me. I imagine she may have called my Aunt who lived a mile and a half away on our country dirt roads and asked her to call her when I got to her house. I think this, because when I passed their house and got to the corner, ready to trek down the pavement, my mom just so happened to drive up. She nonchalantly opened the door and asked what I was doing. I, not going to give up my plans so easily, told her I was simply going for a walk. With a few provisions. She mentioned that they were going into town for some errands and ice cream and wondered if I'd like to go along.

Oh dear. You know, walking that far was making me hungry. A bit of ice cream would be nice. Maybe I'll hold off the running away for a bit. At least until after the ice cream. I climbed in the car. While we were eating the ice cream, Mom did mention that my brother was scared and it wasn't very nice to make him lost. I think I remember some other mention of how it wouldn't be very nice to run away either. I think I may have tuned that part out a little and drowned it with ice cream. Sorry, Mom.

I still have a hard time admitting that my way isn't necessarily the right way. I tend to question the different options as a way to suggest that if it was just done the way I said, it would be easier, and I can't imagine a better way of doing something. Unfortunately, my husband will occasionally do something my way and show me my error. Only after that does he explain why his way was the better option. Why do I need such a visual?

I am so often trying to "do life" my way. I am feeling a bit like I've just crawled into the car and my excitement for "ice cream" may eventually be the motivational tool God uses to really change my course. I'm glad I got into the car. I can't wait to see where we go! I just hope my excitement carries me through the difficult times that will inevitably come. I know I'll have some talking-to's that will continue to adjust my heart attitude. I'll probably have moments where God will allow me to do it my way and later show me how His way was actually the better option. But I'm still glad I got into the car.

Now, two scoops! Oh...and...uh...please?!

Projects Galore

2010-01-18T20:13:00.006-09:00

After we first moved into our house a little over 2 years ago, I painted our bedroom a deep chocolate brown. This was a vast improvement over the intensely bright, pastel/lime green that covered the room. There happens to be one wall that has no windows or doors on it, making it an easy paint! Strangely, I felt the need to dress it up, thankyouverymuch HGTV. I tried 3 different shades of green (trying desperately to avoid a reminder of the lime room it originally was) and settled on one. I never liked it. It just didn't turn out like I'd thought, but since I spent so much money on all the paint and time painting & repainting stripes, I let it go. Until now.
Given our new drive to fix up the house to sell, I pulled out some wall paint that was left over and after my skilled husband cut in by the ceiling and trim (he wouldn't let me do it), I walked into our room. I thought perhaps we should leave it, but in the end, decided the sign must be painted over.

We've been completing several projects of this kind. In fact, I have been painting a spare bedroom that didn't seem so bad until we really took a good look. OK, it didn't take much looking to see the desperate need for fresh walls. And ceiling. And trim. Outlets have been reunited to matching covers as have switches, and holes are being patched. We've also begun the project of painting and siding our garage. That one is a bit bigger project, but going pretty well so far.

Why is it that we are so content to live in a state of disrepair? I'm not saying we are in total disrepair, but we have plenty of projects that we had put off! I find it fascinating that when we want to sell, we put up a front of "finished." I also find it ironic that on our quest to NEED LESS, we have to become super materialistic to prep our home for those who may come see it. It's killing us to have to spend money on things that are so superficial. It's going completely against what we are striving toward. But, we HAVE to sell this house in order to live without a mortgage and be totally debt free!

We have found that many people seem to think we are in the throws of desperation with our finances to resort to such a drastic move. Lest you misplace any prayers, we are not. We are actually trying to avoid any such scenario by removing ALL debt. We have enough to get by for quite a while if necessary. We just live like we're broke until the income starts coming in more regularly! In fact, if we were making a ton of money right now, we would continue our projected course.

I think we are both giddy with excitement over the prospect of living in a tiny home that is all ours and having it grow without debt. We are also feeling like God is preparing us for something even bigger. We can't wait to be free from payments to be able to serve more. We have no idea what this will look like, but we know it will be great! I am mostly excited because my husband is just as excited as I am! It's very encouraging to be excited together! I've seen both our hearts grow in the last year to see people the way God sees them and have compassion. I am so glad I'm a project that God doesn't ever put off. I'm also thankful that God's doing a dual project with us!

Now, where's that roller?

Thank You Thursday

2010-01-14T12:03:00.003-09:00

I had planned on posting more often this year. It will probably happen, though apparently not a regular as I had hoped!

I was just talking to my sister the other night and shared that my husband and I seemed to be bickering a bit more than usual. We did discover the likely reasons why the patience levels were low and emotional levels were high. First, January is never our "high" month: it's dark, I'm home a lot, the holiday high is over. These are things that happen every year. In addition to these "usual" stresses, the puppies are not selling, my husband is unemployed, and we decided that we need to prepare our home for selling. Not little additions, if you ask me. In a way, it made us feel better that our marriage wasn't going downhill or that we were headed for real trouble. It's pretty normal for those stresses to spill over. After we discovered these little tidbits, we seem to have been refilled with grace for each other. Thank you, Jesus!

In light of our move situation, we have begun some of our home spiffies. We fixed a couple doors that the previous owner just stuck on and didn't fit the jams. I also painted a bit in our bedroom (I had painted some stripes that I have never liked, but never fixed!). Today I plan on walking through each room, making a list of all the little things that I can fix or need to purchase. For some reason, the previous owner put white outlet covers over cream outlets/switches. Really? Why would you do that? Now I have to redo it all. Annoying. But doable! Some larger items will have to wait til it gets warmer. We still need to put siding on our garage and have decided what to do, but can't until we have an income. There are several little paint spots that need to be touched up that I can do, nails to fill, holes to patch.

We also plan on contacting some realtors and beginning the interview process. Yes, we interview them. We found that to be a very good way of letting them know you are aware of the situation and they can't just take you for a spin. It is also a way of getting a lower commission rate, finding someone you click with, and discovering several ideas of how to stage a house for sale.

I have to admit, I'm having a tougher time finding as many things to be thankful for than things to request. I'm feeling extra guilty about this right now as the crisis in Haiti has happened. I should be much more thankful that I have a home above me, money in the bank to pay for it for quite a while if necessary, family and friends who are living and praying for us. These are things these other people don't have. They may not even have a Savior who gives us that eternal hope that doesn't disappoint, regardless of our circumstances. Maybe I need to put the news on today to keep me reminded of all I have. It may seem depressing, but in all my perceived need, I truly have more than most of those. They are the ones who need prayer. They are the ones who need a home, friends, help, the true Savior.

Does this mean that I won't ask for puppy families, a good realtor, or a job for my husband? Of course not. It just means that I will choose to DWELL on the blessings that I DO have. God has richly blessed us and I don't want to be ungrateful. Even in this time, we have come closer to His leadership, learned to rely on His provisions (which have been abundant), and are still learning how to rest in Him, not on ourselves. Character building! Blessings in not-so-hard-to-see disguise! Thank you, Jesus.

Thankful Thursday

2010-01-07T12:38:00.004-09:00

I'm choosing a new "meme" if you will. I've seen it done on several blogs, and though I am not the one to follow fads (another post issue!), this one is worthy to repeat!

Today specifically, I am thankful for:

A husband who prayed with me this morning.
A God who wants to communicate with me over major life issues as well as minor ones.
Extended family who extend my vision for God's purpose in my life
Silly N&N's (nieces and nephews)
Puppies who make me smile (though we need to find homes!)
A washing machine that works perfectly
Air freshener and candles
Daily Bread: a.k.a. bits of work for my husband that have paid for groceries and mortgage
Gorgeous creation and that I live in the middle of it
A fresh vision to "need less & give more"
Fleece
A freezer full of meat (sorry vegetarians!)
Supportive Friends and Family
My relationship with my sister: something so sweet that I don't take for granted
Airline miles that will make it a free trip to see family soon

Wow. I could go on and on. And I will next week! That is a good perspective refresher if you ever feel the blahs, and even when you don't! And for a glimpse of one of those super cute puppies:

Catch and Release

2010-01-02T11:51:00.002-09:00

An excerpt from Same Kind of Different as Me by Ron Hall & Denver Moore that hit me square in the heart. As you finish, think about what Jesus said about being Fishers of Men and about being intentional about forming friendships with someone that is outside of your comfort zone. That's what I thought of. That and a whole ton more that can't really be put into words. Bloom Book Club selection #2! Wow.

"There's somethin I heard 'bout white folks that bothers me, and it has to do with fishin."

He was serious and I didn't dare laugh, but I did try to lighten the mood a bit. "I don't know if I'll be able to help you," I said, smiling. "I don't even own a tackle box."

Denver scowled, not amused. "I think you can."

He spoke slowly and deliberately, keeping me pinned with that eyeball ignoring the Starbucks groupies coming and going on the patio around us.

"I heard that when white folks go fishin they do somethin called 'catch and release.'"

Catch and release? I nodded solemnly, suddenly nervous and curious at the same time.

"That really bothers me," Denver went on. "I just can't figure it out. 'Cause when colored folks go fishin, we really proud of what we catch and we take it and show it off to everybody that'll look. Then we eat what we catch...in other words, we use it to sustain us. So it really bothers me that white folks would go to all that trouble to catch a fish, then when they done caught it, just throw it back in the water."

He paused again, and the silence between us stretched a full minute. Then: "Did you hear what I said?"

I nodded, afraid to speak, afraid to offend.

Denver looked away, searching the blue autumn sky, then locked onto me again with that drill-bit stare. "So, Mr. Ron, it occurred to me: If you is fishin for a friend you just gon' catch and release, then I ain't got no desire to be your friend."

The world seemed to halt in midstride and fall silent around us like one of those freeze-frame scenes on TV. I could hear my heart pounding and imagined Denver could see it popping my breast pocket up and down. I returned Denver's gaze with what I hoped was a receptive expression and hung on.

Suddenly his eyes gentled and he spoke more softly than before: "But if you is lookin for a real friend, then I'll be one. Forever."

Christmas Past & Future

2009-12-29T12:45:00.005-09:00

I often seem to get the post-holiday blahs. It's not yet New Year's Day, so I'm getting it earlier than usual. It does seem to be less severe than last year, though, and for that I am grateful. There just seems to be a huge buildup to Christmas, that it's supposed to be some magical day that makes all our problems go away and everyone is Hallmark Card happy. Unfortunately, that's how I remember Christmas not too many years back. I know it will never be like that again. I'm not complaining, really, it's just that I have grown up and it's different. I will cherish those memories forever and would never change those wonderful holidays.

This year seemed so different. The gift-giving was almost non-existent. We met with no family. We even postponed our usual Christmas Dinner with our friends due to work conflicts. So Christmas was literally just spent with Jesus. I didn't feel sad. It was a lovely day to remember the greatest Gift ever given. I almost felt free from all distractions to give Jesus the whole focus of the day. I say "almost free" because I would have loved to have been celebrating with my family, potential stresses and all.

Honestly, I don't stress about Christmas. I haven't for a few years now. Probably because I haven't been Outside for one in as many years. I have come to realize that if I want to give a gift to someone I will, and I will disregard the cost (it's usually not expensive!) or the issue of if I've been given a reciprocal gift. I don't stress about the receiver's response to my gift. If they are unthankful, that is not my problem. I simply wanted them to know I was thinking of them. I often think of how Mary received the somewhat impractical gifts of gold (ok, maybe not so impractical), frankincense and myrrh. Clearly, Mary and Joseph had no means of reciprocating in equal, neither did they feel compelled to show how they would use the gifts in the future. That wasn't the point. The gifts were given to show honor to the recipient: Jesus (God's ultimate Gift!), even in infant form. If this is what our Christmas gifts to each other represent, then the

heart attitudes behind the gifts should be the most important and the gift itself is rather secondary.

I also don't worry about time spent at certain locations. I refuse to allow the thought that I am in charge of keeping anything even. I have deeper relationships with certain family members and happen to have things in common with others. I will not feel guilty if someone feels slighted. I often feel that if a visit feels obligatory, then it will not be nearly as enjoyable and the desire for it to be repeated will certainly wane. Quality over quantity is not just a cliche, but true for us both. That said, there are definitely efforts to spend time with as many family and friends as possible, but I just don't stress over it. I am just happy to see them at all! It's a compliment, I think, to

have family or friends want to spend time with you. And we also understand when people

cannot. We never expect everyone to drop everything, just for us. If it works, great! If not, there will be another time!

Our decorations and all are cleaned up and gone, with only a few candy canes from our friend's house to tell of this Christmas past. We have few gifts to reign in, which is likely due to the fact that we have no kids! We have felt a particular need to let go of the material. Let me explain.

Throughout the holiday season, my husband has had some sparse work days. You are aware of our fundraising drive that he was able to lead in because of that lull. This lull has also jarred us to the feeling of enslavement to our banker. We have discovered that we have loved the

opportunity to raise money for someone other than our banker, and are feeling more and more led to change our lifestyle in order to allow this to happen more frequently. In a move that seems quite backwards, we are considering selling our beautiful and beloved home, and living on only that for which we can pay cash. This means using any profit from the sale of our home to

purchase land and build a home, likely a small cabin to start. Let me specify: we would not take out any loans to pay for anything. Our home would only consist of what we could pay for in cash. The plan allows for additions to be made, but only as our funds allow or as we choose for them to allow. We have a sneaking suspicion that as we have been made so acutely aware of the needs of people in this world, we may be led to forgo some of our comforts to feed a child, give water to a village, provide livestock for a family, or even to go and help those in need.

This concept is actually quite common up here, though not usually for the same reasons. I don't even know that my husband and my reason's are quite the same! I do know that this seems strange to me and even more strange that I'm so compelled to do it. My man is loving the idea of actually working for something as opposed to working off that same thing. This would give us the opportunity to own our home fully at all times, regardless of what is going on economically. We would not be enslaved to our banker, as nice as she is! It would free us up financially to travel when the work is slow, as well as allowing the opportunity to go on an extended mission trip if God leads. Financially it would be incredibly freeing. I can't imagine not having a mortgage or rent, and I absolutely LOVE to see numbers increasing in accounts. I love it so much that I'm

almost on the "hoarder" side of things, but I believe that I'll be fine when I get to see how it will be used.

Neither one of us is a big spender in general. We are not in debt, other than our property. We do not misuse credit cards or other means of credit, and we pay our bills on time or early. We know that mortgages have come to be an acceptable form of debt, but we feel God is pushing us away from this idea. I will not say this is for everyone, because I don't know what God is telling others. I do know that He is clear in His Word about debt and that it should be avoided if possible. We feel that it is possible for us, though it will mean a major change in our lifestyle.

I truly love our home, but I don't love it more than being obedient. I can only imagine what God will place in our hands if we open them to let go of this home. Imagine the possibilities! Pray for us as we continue to seek His direction and Praise Him for providing our Daily Bread!

Yes, this Christmas has much less of the blah's and much more anticipation! As I strive to give Jesus the whole of my heart, mind, soul, and strength, I just wonder what He'll do with it next.

Finding Purpose Beyond Our Pain by Paul Meier, MD & David L. Henderson, MD - Book Review

2009-12-28T16:58:00.003-09:00

Finding Purpose Beyond Our Pain, Uncovering the hidden potential in life's most common struggles is a look into the issues of: Injustice, Rejection, Loneliness, Loss, Discipline, Failure, and Death. The authors define the pain associated with each struggle, going into the deeper issues, and then go on to provide tools to process it in light of God's Word.

The authors of this book were skilled in defining the deep realities of our pain that result from each struggle. I was impressed that they seemed to legitimize the initial feelings that can arise, but then move the reader to the hope that God's Word delivers. Rethinking pain into potential is in itself a powerful tool to process life's struggles. The other tools presented by the authors are helpful for not only the reader, but for anyone who deals with those who hurt. I would recommend this to leaders and teachers as well as those who need a lift in today's trials.

A revolutionary approach to dealing with life's challenges that guides readers in how to face them and to recognize them as gifts from God.

At one time or another everyone finds themselves questioning, "Does God still love me? Is there a purpose for all this pain?" Drs. Meier and Henderson teach readers how to face painful struggles head-on in a way that allows them to grow and mature emotionally and spiritually. In this timely book they explore the seven most common life challenges:

* Injustice * Rejection * Loneliness * Loss * Discipline * Failure * Death

In addition they offer the three reasons we often miss the gifts these challenges can be. This unique approach to an age-old problem will encourage and challenge readers to grow through their struggles instead of wasting energy trying to avoid them altogether.

2009-12-25T10:42:00.002-09:00

I've noticed this season that my favorite Christmas Carol has been "O Come All Ye Faithful." I have teared up more than once singing the chorus of "O Come Let Us Adore Him" hearing the congregation in unity coming to Adore Him! I'm so thankful that He is what we celebrate, not a pagan solstice or commercialism.

I've also gotten one of the best Christmas gifts! These are 3 of my N&N's that have shared some singing and dancing with me! I just couldn't keep it to myself! They are so special to me and made my Christmas happy! I hope you all have a very special Merry Christmas!

Merry Monday!

2009-12-21T14:25:00.003-09:00

God has been going overboard on the decorating! The sunsets have given better colors than any collection of Christmas lights, baubles, or tinsel.
I have to admit, I've been more excited this Christmas over the gift to Jesus than to any other gift I have given to any other person. My Christmas gift to Jesus was not my idea. I wish it had been, but since it was my hubby's, I'm extra proud! His idea to make use of our time of little to provide for those who have greater needs has been profoundly meaningful to me. People all over the country have helped to provide as well. I can't help but feel that this is the kind of gift-giving that Jesus wants.
I have been privileged to enter into a family who is also living this idea of gift-giving out this year. I am so excited to be a part of giving to KIVA this year as a family. Instead of fancy gifts for us adults, we are giving as a family to the microloan organization to help others work their way out of poverty. My family is also forgoing adult gifts this year, partly out of necessity, and partly out of a desire for stress-reduction! When did gift giving become obligatory? I have to admit, that there are many in both families that don't feel this way at all. I hope that a year with a renewed focus will allow for gift giving as desired in the future, with no strings attached, no record-keeping, no price-minimum expectations. Giving from the heart. Giving to Jesus.
On a totally non-spiritual note, I finally made the world's best Gluten-Free chocolate chip cookie! I tried a flour mix that is really expensive, but after this experiment, the hubby said it was worth it! I knew you were wondering how I'd fare on the cookie front!
My Christmas decorations are somewhat minimal. I don't go all out on decorating the entire house. Mostly, to be honest, because our home is small and with our gigantic tv that was purchased at a garage sale for $50, I don't have much room. I'm not bitter or anything. I know you'll love the Alaskana Christmas look we don for the season. (Alaskana is not usually a great compliment!) I don't think it's too much, but I did neglect to include the bear skull with the santa hat on it. Some things are best left to the family blog!
As Christmas is fast approaching, and God has been moving in both my husband and my hearts, I have a sense that this may just be the start of something new. I pray that Jesus' birthday will renew a right spirit in all of you and He will stir joy in your hearts this year!

Majestic Monday

2009-12-14T12:26:00.005-09:00

Yesterday the sun came out! Isn't that just like the Lord? Feeling a little bummed and mention the lack of sunshine, and God just brings it out just for you! It was stunning. The fog has brought an incredibly thick hoarfrost and made everything glisten! Hoarfrost is what happens when the moisture from fog freezes on whatever is colder than the air. Our temps have been in the single digits, which is normal this time of year, but the fog was warmer! Those gloomy days were necessary to create this magnificent image. It's just hard to see it until the light illuminates the scene.
I do feel a bit uplifted, even though its cloudy again today! I just needed that little touch of Light.
My perspective had been a bit cloudy as well. It's time that those that discipline becomes so important. I didn't feel like being joyful, but I chose to find things to think on that honors the One who has complete access to my mind. I was trying to fix my mind on things that are true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and worthy of praise! It's not something that comes easily, but practice make perfect!
God invented flocking, and he is really the only one who does it justice. The fake flocking is just not the same, don't you think?
This is the way Jesus decorates His trees. I heard something today on Christian radio that makes me rethink Christmas gifts. A gal said that she puts up a stocking for Jesus and on Christmas morning they pull out the "gifts" that they have specifically and especially chosen to give to Jesus. I've heard of the birthday cake for Jesus, but do we give Him gifts? Not just the "usual" things we do throughout the year, but something special that He would like just for His birthday? I don't think I have. He's given me so much. I have a couple ideas...!

Ups and Downs

2009-12-09T14:02:00.006-09:00

It was best of times, it was the worst of times.
It's been a weird time, these last couple weeks.
The great news, is that our fundraising for my sister's adoption is going well! If you are interested in helping support their adoption expenses and receive a gorgeous piece of iron art made from my extremely talented husband, just leave a comment! He is continually expanding and creating! I'm so incredibly excited to pass this blessing on to my sister and her family.
The very disappointing news, is that their referral has still not come. It has been heartbreaking to see more and more people receive their referral only to have my sister not receive hers. I am thrilled for the other people, and I know that my sister's wait is not nearly as long as others, but that doesn't diminish the difficulty. I don't know exactly how it works, but I think my heart hurts almost as much as hers. It's a bit different, as I want to know who this little boy is, but I also hurt for her. All I do know is that there is a little boy who is very specifically chosen by God to be their son, and it's taking a little longer to connect those dots by those here on earth. We just have to rest in knowing that God is indeed working!
On the positive side, our dog has had her puppies and has 9 healthy little ones! They are almost cute, but you may know, newborn puppies are rarely cute. They tend to be a little rodent-like. In a couple weeks when their eyes are open, they will be much cuter!
On the negative, I have not been getting much sleep. I have been awakened by puppy sounds about every 2-3 hours. Do I need to get up every time? Well, we have lost a puppy due to being laid on, so yes, I do. I do not want to go through that again. It was sad. I felt like I'd let it happen. Oh, and it also smells. Puppies don't always smell good - just like babies. They have the same bodily functions that are apparently quite healthy and regular. They also don't avoid it, so it ends up being all over, well, all over. Yes, icky. I'm doing much laundry. Have I mentioned that having puppies has never been my favorite? Yes, that doesn't help my negative emotions about having to get up multiple times at night, cleaning up poo, and getting all the paperwork ready for the impending sales blitz. Fortunately, they are labs which are so stinking cute, they practically sell themselves.
My fabulous esposo is still not on a regular work schedule, but he is definitely working. God has provided for our daily bread and also provided a way to help others. We have had such a period of growth learning to trust God for our provisions and not rely on our own ways. It has also given us more perspective on what is really ours (roughly nothing) and how we can use what we've been given, to honor Him. What could have been a real negative has become an amazing positive.
On a funny note, last week when my man was out working in another town (on a boat, no less), was when a nasty storm hit. It snowed 6 inches and then began to rain. Not a good combo with overhead power lines and trees. Our electricity went out and long story short, I was without power or heat (wood or electric) all day. The candles against the mirror was my lighting for the evening since our sun sets at 3:30. It was lovely, but chilly. I hadn't been more thankful for electricity! Fascinating that these things happen when "alone!" Fortunately, that was before the puppies came, also when I was alone.
I have to admit, in conjunction with the lack of meaningful sleep, I'm being hit with the "winter blues." It happens up here. The "Land of the Midnight Sun" also is the "land of the mid-day sunset." The latter much less exciting, though less obnoxious than the former! I love winter and the snow and crystallized trees today were breathtaking. Literally. It was too cold to yawn or breathe deeply! It's a tough couple months, December and January, with the lack of sunlight for me. I have a Happy Lite, so I hope it will be an effective tool! That and sleep!
A random up and down post, I know. Just a little opening up, just in case your days aren't all up and cheery either. But I hope to keep remembering all the positives and keep the blessings God has given in the forefront of my "thought closet!"

Metal Monday

2009-11-30T16:05:00.004-09:00

My husband and I are having a fundraiser to help with my sister's adoption fund! My marvelous man is a whiz at welding and a master at metal, and created these crosses to sell for my sister! (amazing alliteration, eh?) We are calling this: Alaska to Africa!
If you are interested, there are several of the above smaller crosses that measure 7 3/4" x 5" and are $10.00 (plus shipping). The layered cross below is measured at 18" x 11 1/2" and is $40.00 (plus shipping). He is, at this very moment, crafting a smaller version of the layered cross and is open to custom orders.
So, why are we doing this? My husband had the idea and since he is not working much, he does have time to invest in this project. Why not keep the money ourselves, especially if we have a limited income right now? Because, this little boy needs to meet his parents as stress free as possible, and if you haven't noticed, when you help others, it keeps your needs in perspective! We have so much, and though we are in a slow time, we still have more than many. We are also hoping that this will take off and we can begin to use the profits to help other orphans in Africa. If you would like to participate in this fundraising and perhaps finish any Christmas shopping at the same time, please let us know!

Monday's Meme

2009-11-23T13:16:00.002-09:00

I will partake in a meme about the ABC's of Thanksgiving! I simply cannot limit it to one word. I could probably go on and on, but I will spare you the excessive reading and try to stay relatively short:

A: Adam
B: Becky
C: Chris, Cambria
D: Dad
E: Existence of God
F: Fall
G: Grandma and Grandpa (missing Grandma B)
H: Hannah, Hudson
I: Internet
J: Julie, Jackson, Joshua, Josh, Jana, Jesus
K: Katy, Kaylee
L: Lesli, Linda
M: Marc, Mia, Makenna, Mom
N: Nativity
O: Orphans finding families
P: Pat, Phil
Q: Quiet
R: Raegan, Rusty
S: Sydney
T: Toby
U: Uggs
V: Very strong cheese!
W: Winter wonderland walks
X: Xeriscaping
Y: YAHWEH
Z: Zeal for Jesus

Do you see a theme? I am so thankful for the people I love. I could do this everyday for a year and never have the same words (except for those pesky letters!). I am blessed.
Happy Monday!

Pick Me, So I can Give It Away!

2009-11-19T10:05:00.003-09:00

Isn't this gorgeous?! As you may know by now, my sister's family has been waiting to hear word from their adoption agency as to who their little boy from Ethiopia will be. She may have thought originally that this was a journey that would change just their lives. She was wrong. It has changed at least my life as well. I've had experience inviting another nephew into the larger family who was born in China, but you have to know, it's just a bit different with a sister. Especially a sister who you love so deeply. My world has been rocked with the deepening knowledge of the world out there. Even my husband commented on how I've changed in the last 6 months. I am no longer anxious for a new kitchen, as I have a perfectly functioning one right now. I am aghast at the cost of new clothes when I have a closet FULL of things I don't seem to even need. I get a bit angry when I hear of how "stricken" people are when they can't get the luxury items they want, when it costs so little to help a child eat for a week and they don't even consider helping. Alright, I get a lot angry at that last one, especially when I see it in me.
In this whole change of perspective, I have begun to "stalk" a few blogs that pertain to adoption (thanks to my sister's links!) and came across this one: "Ethiopia or Bust! @ http://bottomlysandethiopia.blogspot.com/

She's doing a giveaway, and yes, I'm trying for it! How materialistic, you may think. Yes, and no. I would honestly love to have her necklace (above: it's Ethiopian Angel's Wings), but I most likely would not keep it. It would not belong to me. I would most definitely pass it along to my sweet sister who is waiting for her little angel! If it weren't for her, I'd not be enjoying this special road.
If nothing else, please check out the Bottomly's blog and "Don't excuse yourself by saying, 'Look, we didn't know.' For God understands all hearts, and He sees you. He who guards your soul knows you knew. He will repay all people as their actions deserve." Proverbs 24:12 (NLT)

Monday's Mishap

2009-11-16T20:13:00.007-09:00

I have never been able to make chocolate chip cookies.
Nope. Never.
What happens? Well, I don't know. They usually do not cook in the middle. Like these.

Lest you think I have not tried every possible difference on the planet, I have. I have tried:
Butter, Margarine, Shortening, 2 1/2 cups flour, 2 1/4 cups flour, even more flour, Muscovado brown sugar, light brown sugar, dark brown sugar, different amounts of brown vs. white sugar, many different flour mixes (especially now since my hubby is Celiac and cannot have wheat), tried airbake pans, stones, cheap cookie sheets, all with no real success. I am not really asking for tips. I have given up on trying to make a chocolate chip cookie that looks any different than this:

Let me tell you why.
This crumbly, gooey, crispy mess of a cookie may look hideous, but it still tastes good! It is perfectly filling it's purpose in its life. It is making our taste buds happy. It does not need to look good to do it.
I was simply going to share my mishap, but then it hit me. How are we like these cookies? Oh, yes, I'll go there!
We may not look like something lovely to the world, but God made us and we can fulfill His purpose for us. Pretty cheesy, I know.
It sort-of related to what I randomly posted on my facebook page. I did one of those "pick the closest book, turn to page 56, type in the 5th sentence" thing. That sentence was profound to me. "God does not always use us for tasks the world would think spectacular, powerful, or significant." This is from the book I'm reading, FINDING PURPOSE BEYOND OUR PAIN, by Meier & Henderson, MD's. We may not end up winning the prize for most spectacular looking, but I hope I make my maker's taste buds happy! Well, you know what I mean!
Here's to more mishaps that lead me closer to my Lord!

Walking on Water

2009-11-13T18:38:00.003-09:00

Today was the first day I walked across our small lake. It's a 5 acre lake for which I have discovered a deep affinity. I've never lived on waterfront, so I didn't know it was anything special when we bought our house 2 years ago. I love watching the changes occur and the wildlife that also enjoys the water.
I have been anticipating with joy the moment I could again walk across our water. It gives me and our dogs freedom to run around without the threat of motor vehicles surprising us. The water has actually been frozen for a while, but I was a bit nervous to walk too far out. The edges are the first to freeze and the first to thaw, so the middle is always the "iffy." About a week ago, I began to take a couple steps out on the frozen edge. There was no snow like above, and it was clear through to the lilies on the bottom. I could see frozen suspended bubbles at least 2 inches down, but still... I know that this is sufficient thickness to walk upon and the quality of clear ice is the best. Walking on clear ice that shows the lily pads down to 6 feet down is a bit unnerving. I couldn't go far. Fortunately, we now have a bit of snow on top, so I can't see the depths.
I wondered how Peter did it. He didn't even have ice. I wonder if it felt like ice? More like snow? I can't even walk across my clear iced pond, much less a moving piece of water.
I know I could do it if I just refrained from looking down. I may have even been able to walk across our frozen lake if I just kept my eyes up.
Recently, we have begun another lapse of income. It happens more than rarely up here. My incredibly wonderful providing husband works in the oilfield, and if you didn't know, the price of oil is not exactly where it was a year ago. As great as that is for the consumer, it really stinks for those who find work in that field. It's a strange industry that seems to work on the "feast or famine" premise. Right now it's "famine" time. This has happened before, but before it seemed that there was work going on elsewhere or right around the corner. This drought may be longer lasting. It may not be, but we don't hear too many positive short-term rumors.
I wonder if God is asking me to step out and walk on water. We plan and plan to prepare for such events, and I think that is wise, but I just wonder if we are going to be sent beyond our planning.
How will I respond?
Look Up!
But look how interesting it is when you look down! You need to know where to step, right?
Nope. I can trust Jesus to take us right where He wants us. He will give us firm footing. He will give us hinds' feet and place us on our high places. He will equip us to take the steps of faith, whether on steep slopes or on water. I have so much peace that He will provide. What freedom!

Momentous Monday!

2009-11-09T20:44:00.003-09:00

This is one of my favorite girls in the whole wide world. Can't you see why?! I love this picture and I've shown it before, but I can't help it. She's been on my mind this week.
My sister told me that my little gal (really she's my sister's little gal, but I'll take her any day!) had asked Jesus to come into her heart! At that moment, my heart just burst! I'm a pretty emotionally proud Aunt! My sister, not wanting to dismiss this momentous occasion, but wanting to understand the depth, asked her why she wanted to do this. Her answer is the very best answer I have EVER heard: "I just love Him so much!"

Every time I think of this, my eyes well up and I just about loose it. It's a similar reaction to when I learned of each of my N&N's decisions to give their hearts to Jesus. I just don't know if I've heard such a perfect motivation. I know mine wasn't! I was a little concerned about my level of fire resistance. Jesus knew it was also that I trusted Him to keep me safe. But really? I just love Him so much!? How absolutely perfect is that? I don't think I can add anything. My 4-year-old niece has just surpassed all my knowledge and study with the simplicity to which God calls us. It's really all He wants of us. I hope I can be like my niece when I grow up and be able to say about the things I do: "I just love Him so much!"

It's My Birthday, and I'll Post When I Want To!

2009-11-03T07:30:00.008-09:00

Yes, it is my birthday today. I am a whopping 33 years old. Some of you still may call me a "baby." I'm O.K. with that. I still feel like one.
A friend of mine who also recently turned 33, pointed out a fact that I had also been mulling; that this was the age of Jesus when He died. And resurrected!
This was a little sobering, but it made me think a bit. I don't find myself remotely close to Jesus' level of maturity. Then I remembered that He is, after all, God. I decided to cut myself a little slack.
My birthday is usually my time to reflect on the past year and evaluate myself. I'm not typically critical, but can sometimes use constructive criticism to point out my areas that need improvement. I don't make New Year's Resolutions, but sometimes give myself goals on my birthday.
I am very excited for this, my 33rd year! I will get to meet two new nephews someday! That will bring my grand total of N&N's to 13. That is a lot of love, and I love each one of them. I wish I could spend more time with each one, but God has us here for a reason, so I wouldn't change it. I am going to learn how to snowshoe. I have never done it, but it looks simple enough and I am out in the snow everyday anyway (that is, when it does snow - when is that stuff going to get here?!). I am hoping to finish a couple of projects: finish hanging drapes in our living room that have been in storage for a year and a half, knit myself a matching hat and scarf which have not been started but yarn has been purchased, and to complete all the books that I have started and not finished. I also plan to read through my new New Living Translation Bible that I bought yesterday. I hope that I can build up some business for my landscape design in order to donate my profits to Amazima (on my side bar). I also hope that God will continue to develop the Thursday night group and deepen friendships that have been formed. I would love to be able to get birthday/Christmas/other event cards in the mail on time this year, though I'm not too expectant of that one. I'm wanting to continue my 1st and 15th memorizing with Beth Moore, and might suggest that practice to anyone else who has struggled to memorize Scripture!
I am thankful for 7 1/2 years of amazing marital life! God has blessed this relationship more than I ever thought possible. I love the 11 little N&N that I have and so thankful for the times I get to spend with them. I adore my sister and can't believe how far our friendship has come. I'm so thankful God provided her with such a great husband! I am so proud of my brothers. They both have incredible (and gorgeous) wives that are clearly God's helpmate for them. I am more aware now of how special it is that we all not only get along, but all love each other. I'm also thankful for our parents. They gave us a pretty spectacular childhood and taught us to love Jesus from our birth. I have been incredibly blessed by my husbands family. His parents have given us support and lots of shared laughter! His sisters and their families have loved me and made me part of their family instantly. God has provided for our needs and much more. I've had more fun experiences and learning opportunities than I could possibly list. I've had an amazing 33 years.
So, yes, I have a collage of meaningful and less than meaningful goals that I have shared. I know this next year of mine will hold some very difficult challenges, much of the mundane, and some incredibly special moments. Throughout them all, I hope I can "Rejoice always. Pray continually, and give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for ME in Christ Jesus." 1 Thess. 5:16-18 (new international Meli version).

Mushy Monday!

2009-10-26T13:36:00.005-08:00

Recently, my mom took some photos of my super-man and me. I just got them emailed to me and I absolutely LOVE them! I must admit, I'm not all gussied up and can probably clean up a little more, but isn't he just the most handsome?! He makes me feel all giddy!
I am madly, completely, head-over-heels in love with my husband. I know I mentioned this a little last week. In the relatively short time I have known him, I have behaved quite differently than I had pre-Pat. I would like to say all of that was for the better, and most of it has been, but a few times, I have chosen my beloved over others in a perhaps less than ideal way.
One way that sticks out in my mind, which I will forever regret and continually seek forgiveness for, was on my 25th birthday. I had been dreading this particular birthday, not because of the age, but mostly because of what I had not accomplished by this milestone. It did sound very adult, and I felt completely alien to myself. I was still learning who I was and who God was making me. Well, as a fabulously loving gesture, my mom got my sister and me tickets to go to a Women of Faith weekend in OKC over my birthday weekend! I was looking forward to it as a wonderful distraction and possible direction revealing weekend. This was until I discovered that our church was having it's annual Barn Dance that same Saturday. The love of my life and I had just begun dating, again, and it was to the point where we were beginning to have some pretty deep discussions. I was actually torn.
Looking back, I am truly horrified that I would have been so selfish to have even given this a thought, much less actually decided to forgo the WoF weekend, long planned, for a dance. Yes, I chose the dance. And Pat. I sought out some council, and was advised to do what I desired most. Really? I don't believe it was wise council.
I did have a good time at the dance, though I can't imagine what I missed. I know I missed the opportunity to bond with my mom and sister. I know I missed the chance to hear God speak truth into my life through some amazing speakers. I know I missed a fun girls-only weekend! Those are only the broad strokes. I'll never know the fine details of what I could have had, this side of heaven.
Now, I'm not saying that my husband should come after others in my life, especially not now that we are married! What I have been thinking on, however, is how determined I am to spend my life pursuing God. I gave up some wonderful times to pursue my husband, right or wrong. Do I throw all abandon and pursue my God? Would I be willing to give up some wonderful things to develop deeper relationship with Him? Am I choosing something I think is more desirable right now and missing the real opportunities for closeness?
Basically, I am asking myself if I love the Lord as much as I love my husband. More, even. Is that possible?! I have to confess that I have a hard time feeling the flutters when I sit down to read His love letters to me. I don't anticipate with watching the clock to when I get to spend time with Him. I am not as excited when I have done something specifically and secretly for Him. I have to admit, though, that it is awful hard to prepare a surprise for the Lord. That one is just for us humans to receive!
Don't misunderstand, I am far from dreading my alone time with God. I enjoy it immensely! It is one of the pleasures of life for me. I wish I could go to seminary and pursue the more intricate details of His Word. I love to discuss difficult passages and discover new applications in my life. I have no earthy idea of how people get along without God. I don't know why they would want to. Life is so much richer with my relationship with Christ.
So why the former lamenting? Well, as much as I am humanly able, I want to duplicate the love I feel towards my husband to my Lord. I never want to diminish the affection for my husband, and I firmly believe it is the way God intended marital love to be, but I just want more for my relationship with Jesus! I want to eagerly anticipate every moment I get to spend with Him - even though I know it is every second of every day! I want to present myself in my best mind, body, and spirit to the One who made me. I want to make Him happy with me by doing the things that He has asked of me, even seeking those opportunities out. I want to be madly, completely, head-over-heels in love with my Jesus.
I am so incredibly blessed to have been given a husband who lives out the Biblical principles of marriage. He shows me a glimpse of what Jesus feels for me.

Makin' a Name, Monday

2009-10-19T18:32:00.006-08:00

When we first moved to Alaska, I began to rethink my goals in life. Instead of my high school dreams of becoming a corporate big-wig and financially successful, I began to think that my new God-given title was to be "World's Best Wife." As corny as sappy as that sounds, I'm incredibly serious. I began to really have moments (albeit short-lived) of putting my desires and needs below another's. I tried so many new things and determined to enjoy them! Unbeknownst to me, I actually did enjoy many of the crazy adventures. I discovered that I like to canoe, and really, can it be more beautiful?!I also discovered that, although I don't love the hard work per se, I love reaching a goal of ascending a new height on a hike. I can't wait to get snowshoes. I enjoyed snowmachining (riding a snowmobile for you "outsiders"), and I discovered that I don't like it enough to keep the machine. I love walking the dogs in the woods. I love being able to see mountains. I love catching Silver Salmon on the second day of the Swanson River Canoe trip. I love seeing all the bears. I mostly love the joy my husband has when he gets to participate in all his enjoyments! I love making him proud of me when I accomplish something that he's taught me.

In all of that self-awareness, I must confess that this selflessness is a hard fought fight every time. I am a second child that constantly wishes for acknowledgment. Since I can remember, I have been building my own bricks to make myself a tower for others to see and give me my acclaim. If not acclaim, at least acknowledgment. I wanted to make a individual name for myself, not connected to anyone else and better than anyone else.
I had never thought much about the tower of Babel story having much implication for my life. Oh, isn't God funny! I was truly struck in my Thursday Group when Jennifer talked about how we do the exact same thing. I have been so determined to carve out a name for myself that I didn't realized that God already named me. I am enough to be His. What could possibly be greater? Living Stones trump bricks any day.

Monday Morning

2009-10-12T08:02:00.006-08:00

This is my sunrise this morning. I just stepped outside and took this picture from my back porch. It's really quite lovely. Living up here, I often feel in awe of the beauty of God's creation. I told my husband recently that I hoped heaven had a place outside of the New Jerusalem that had mountains, and that I wanted to be there instead of the "city." As ludicrous as that likely sounded to God, I think there's a reason why mountainous regions evoke heavenly awe. At least for me, they do! I realize there can be beauty in the desert, but the desolation quickly overcomes me. No hard feelings, desert-dwellers (literal ones)!

I'm reading the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan (Bloom book club), and finished chapter 5 recently. Chapters 4 and 5 are like a 1-2 punch. In the gut. I imagine, as I've no recollection of ever being punched in the gut. These chapters have made me really look at what I consider myself to be, as far as "Christian" goes.
To make matters "worse," I've also started the Me, Myself, and Lies Bible Study by Jennifer Rothschild with my Thursday night group. I honestly didn't think I was perpetually telling myself lies. Is there a 3-punch? Perhaps it was an uppercut. Anyway, I have begun to realize that my lie-telling self has been building up my pride with things like "I deserve to have that", "You are doing enough", "They are lucky to have you, and they don't even realize it." Then I have that false humility of realizing my pride and going the opposite: "You don't even have a bachelor's degree; what do you know?", "You made some serious lapses of judgment while you were a Christian. Your testimony is marred beyond repair."
So, how do these beat-down sessions connect? Well, I have realized how far I fall short in what I give to my Creator. I see everyday how much He has given to me, if only in the Creation He so perfectly gave. He made not only this amazing and complex world that the Discovery Channel so beautifully displays (though it's seriously flawed in it's interpretations), but He made me. He made me on purpose. For a purpose.
To put myself on a pedestal and elevate my needs above my Lords, is a seriously ridiculous action. I do it all the time. I pat my proverbial "god" on the head and tell him it's enough for now, and I'll get back to him later. After all, I've done a fair share. On the flip side, it's just as preposterous to tell the One who made me of all the flaws in His work, or what He made won't work like He wants.
Am I that puffed up? I don't think that's a lie. I think that's one truth in that "thought closet" that needs to clean out some of the garbage that's been collecting. My creator gave me everything I have. He has also given me the ability to give it all back. The strange thing is, if I do, I'll receive even greater gifts, though that is not the motivation. Jesus told us to give EVERYTHING if we truly love Him. Look what He gave. I am so lucky to have Him, and I don't even realize it.
Well, sometimes I do.

My Autumn Road

My "Weird" Family

Autumn Beauty

A Heart for Freedom ~ Book Review

Rainbows

Purpose

Out Live Your Life by Max Lucado ~ Book Review

8 Pound Plan

Bedtime

It's a Good Day

Makeover

Stepping Out

My "Eve" Complex

Scripture Memory

Prejudice

Family Sick?

Scripture Memory

Scripture Memory

My Challenge from Oprah

Busy Month full of Thanks!

Thankful for My Morning Coffee Wake-up!

Birthday's

GIVEAWAY!

THE MOCKINGBIRD PARABLES by Matt Litton (Book Review)

Uncomfortably Happy

Still Kickin'!

Our boys!

Wishes

Desserts!

Valdez Vacation

Lucky 13!

Six Hundred

This is a post from Ali's African Adventures - a link is on the right as well as a button. This broke my heart and I hope it does the same to yours.

Tuesday, August 3. 2010

six hundred

Awesome August!

Part of my Heart is in Africa Right Now!

THE HOLE IN OUR GOSPEL by Richard Stearns * Book Review

I Can Do It - BY MYSELF!

Tom Davis's Plea for India's Girls

Red Letters

Living the Words of Jesus

by Tom Davis

How to make a profit selling virgins for sex

Wednesday July 21, 2010

I'm getting a little Caulk-y!

Sour Grapes

Clothes for a Cause

Pablo's Inspiration

Simple Joys

Father's Day

Beaded Hope ~ by Cathy Liggett

Scared ~ by Tom Davis

Epic Eighth Anniversary Trip!

Hello? Hello? Can you hear me now?

Lucky Number 13!

Grow!

Prep for Showings

Oh Vanity!

Where I've Been

Wrestling with Communion

The Big Picture

Pity Party

12!

Thankful Thursday

Listening

Lent

Valentines Day Dress-up

Red Letters by Tom Davis: Book Review

Quick Note...

Fly Away

Who's the Boss?

Projects Galore

Thank You Thursday

Thankful Thursday

Catch and Release

Christmas Past & Future

Finding Purpose Beyond Our Pain by Paul Meier, MD & David L. Henderson, MD - Book Review

Merry Monday!

Majestic Monday