Friday, March 20, 2009

Double Meaning!

Yes, I'm starting a new blog. Pat recommends many of his friends to our blog, and I wanted a place to share and do my therapy sessions apart from all eyes!
I love the Autumn theme. It has always been my favorite season. I love the color changes, the refreshing coolness in the air, the changes in the menu's! It is also part of my actual address, so it seemed fitting.
I'm writing this in part to keep myself accountable. I figure if only one person (me) ever reads this, then I have a written account of what I have done or am doing to reflect upon. This seems to help me and I've virtually given up on trying to hand write a journal. I try. I have many half-filled notebooks of simple to lovely designs that have tried to entice my hand. I even have a couple that have been filled, giving me an incredible sense of satisfaction! Since I like to check the boxes, I see the unfilled journals mocking me from the shelf. I dislike mocking. I think I'll box them up...
I assume most who read this will know who I am, but I will likely share things at times as if you don't. I think it helps my "therapy" sessions to explain myself, if only to dig deeper and possibly discover something new of my motives. I will also try and keep things that need to stay private as such. I won't reveal names of people, places, etc., without permission in case someone else may come upon this blog.
I feel the need to blog my journey more openly to encourage myself to become more open with others. I desperately need the friendship of women, and sadly, I find myself lacking. I don't say this to be critical of others. I believe others have tried and I've simply closed the door. I didn't think I was so difficult to be around, but I do believe that I don't stick around long enough to develop much deeper friendship than the shallow pool. I have a sneaky suspicion that I'll be here a while!
I have recently been having a little revival. For the last 6 years or so, I've been slowly sinking. Very slowly, and only recently have I realized how deep I've gotten. I had such an amazing experience of grace and renewal 8 years ago and it's affect lasted quite a while. Since then, I've had my up's and down's, but nothing monumental. In fact, it seems like since then, nothing has been monumental in my spiritual life. I keep plodding along, and though many monumental things have happened IN my life, positive and negative, I just keep plodding along. I've been feeling a need to revitalize my walk with the Lord for over a year, and I think my little steps are beginning to bring me closer. I am praying that I develop an insatiable desire for God and His Word. I want to be passionate in my walk, not just plodding. I don't want to mislead anyone that I have fallen away, just slowed down. It's time for renewal and I'm EXCITED! I wanted to share this with anyone who'd listen or just for myself!
I've recently been motivated to memorize scripture. If you know me at all, this is not a new phenomenon. I've been motivated to do this multiple times with little success. There is a little difference this time in that I have a goal as to when this will be "completed" and what I want to accomplish. I'll share more of all that another time. I did want to mention it though!
I've also been thinking of starting a women's small group. I'm not sure if I want to do it through the church and use some of their resources, or keep it to myself. I'm leaning towards the church avenue, not only to use their resources, but also for accountability. I am not so bold as to think I have all the right answers. I've talked to a couple gals about it and have gotten some positive feedback. I was going to wait until I was finished with my Sunday School class, but I'm feeling a sense of urgency. Maybe it's just my excitement. Maybe it's my personal need.
Well, I just have to end with the funny thought that I spent a nice moment outside and felt a 90* moment! I was in my greenhouse and it was wonderful, even if it is just filled with slowly thawing soil still in their pots from last fall. It smelled heavenly. Then, just before my body began it's freakish reaction of perspiring, I stepped back out into the 28* sunny weather. I marvel at how I relish those 90* moments.


  1. Best Wishes on your new blog, Melli! I admire your openness and transparancy. I think this is a great idea! I really enjoyed reading it, too. You have very good writing skills and an ability to express your feelings.

  2. I really like your blog, and especially LOVE the layout! Keep up the great work, blogging is such a wonderful release!