Monday, October 26, 2009

Mushy Monday!

Recently, my mom took some photos of my super-man and me. I just got them emailed to me and I absolutely LOVE them! I must admit, I'm not all gussied up and can probably clean up a little more, but isn't he just the most handsome?! He makes me feel all giddy!
I am madly, completely, head-over-heels in love with my husband. I know I mentioned this a little last week. In the relatively short time I have known him, I have behaved quite differently than I had pre-Pat. I would like to say all of that was for the better, and most of it has been, but a few times, I have chosen my beloved over others in a perhaps less than ideal way.
One way that sticks out in my mind, which I will forever regret and continually seek forgiveness for, was on my 25th birthday. I had been dreading this particular birthday, not because of the age, but mostly because of what I had not accomplished by this milestone. It did sound very adult, and I felt completely alien to myself. I was still learning who I was and who God was making me. Well, as a fabulously loving gesture, my mom got my sister and me tickets to go to a Women of Faith weekend in OKC over my birthday weekend! I was looking forward to it as a wonderful distraction and possible direction revealing weekend. This was until I discovered that our church was having it's annual Barn Dance that same Saturday. The love of my life and I had just begun dating, again, and it was to the point where we were beginning to have some pretty deep discussions. I was actually torn.
Looking back, I am truly horrified that I would have been so selfish to have even given this a thought, much less actually decided to forgo the WoF weekend, long planned, for a dance. Yes, I chose the dance. And Pat. I sought out some council, and was advised to do what I desired most. Really? I don't believe it was wise council.
I did have a good time at the dance, though I can't imagine what I missed. I know I missed the opportunity to bond with my mom and sister. I know I missed the chance to hear God speak truth into my life through some amazing speakers. I know I missed a fun girls-only weekend! Those are only the broad strokes. I'll never know the fine details of what I could have had, this side of heaven.
Now, I'm not saying that my husband should come after others in my life, especially not now that we are married! What I have been thinking on, however, is how determined I am to spend my life pursuing God. I gave up some wonderful times to pursue my husband, right or wrong. Do I throw all abandon and pursue my God? Would I be willing to give up some wonderful things to develop deeper relationship with Him? Am I choosing something I think is more desirable right now and missing the real opportunities for closeness?
Basically, I am asking myself if I love the Lord as much as I love my husband. More, even. Is that possible?! I have to confess that I have a hard time feeling the flutters when I sit down to read His love letters to me. I don't anticipate with watching the clock to when I get to spend time with Him. I am not as excited when I have done something specifically and secretly for Him. I have to admit, though, that it is awful hard to prepare a surprise for the Lord. That one is just for us humans to receive!
Don't misunderstand, I am far from dreading my alone time with God. I enjoy it immensely! It is one of the pleasures of life for me. I wish I could go to seminary and pursue the more intricate details of His Word. I love to discuss difficult passages and discover new applications in my life. I have no earthy idea of how people get along without God. I don't know why they would want to. Life is so much richer with my relationship with Christ.
So why the former lamenting? Well, as much as I am humanly able, I want to duplicate the love I feel towards my husband to my Lord. I never want to diminish the affection for my husband, and I firmly believe it is the way God intended marital love to be, but I just want more for my relationship with Jesus! I want to eagerly anticipate every moment I get to spend with Him - even though I know it is every second of every day! I want to present myself in my best mind, body, and spirit to the One who made me. I want to make Him happy with me by doing the things that He has asked of me, even seeking those opportunities out. I want to be madly, completely, head-over-heels in love with my Jesus.
I am so incredibly blessed to have been given a husband who lives out the Biblical principles of marriage. He shows me a glimpse of what Jesus feels for me.


  1. Mushy Monday! I love it! I even showed my wonderful husband of 33 years your post (he loved it).......and yes after 33 years he still makes my heart flutter and fills my heart with "smiles". The last two sentences of this post are exactly how I feel - we are so blessed! Meli, I've been walking with Lord a long time and for me, this journey has boiled down to one thing......."everyday I want to make Jesus smile"! That's my motto. It's not by works, or how long did I study the Word or how many people did I pray for or how many bible studies I lead or, or, or,.........All those things are good and they should be a part of our life as a believer in this faith walk but at the end of the day I search my heart and ask "Lord, did I make you smile today? I guess I relate this to being a mom....I absolutely love (an understatement!) watching my kids and being moved with spontaneous joy overflowing from my heart which brings a smile to my face! Even though they are grown and married and carving out their own place in life - when I think about them or hear their voice over the phone it makes me smile (I'm smiling even now just writing about them!). I love each of them for "just being themselves". That's the way He is - He want's me to be me - just Jackie, His daughter! Going through the ebbs and flows of life looking to Him, drawing closer to Him, growing in Him, trusting Him, more, more and more......that pleases His Heart and makes Him smile!

    Meli, just the fact that you wrote this post about searching your heart and seeking a closer relationship with Him makes Him smile!!

    Oh, the part about not having your heart flutter when you sit down to read His Word......let me put it like this......I heard a little story once ......."Canning peaches in the middle of June is not fun - it takes allot of effort and commitment. Peeling them is not fun, preparing the canning jars is a hot and sweaty job and then putting them in storage is work......BUT in the middle of a Winter when it's snowing and miserable there's nothing like fresh peaches!"
    That's kinda they way studying the Word is for me - I LOVE THE WORD AND I LOVE STUDYING THE WORD.......just give me my Bible, my concordance, my laptop and a notebook and I'm in heaven! But do I generally have supernatural warm and fuzzies or choirs of angels and burning bushes appear in my room - No! Pursuing His Heart is often time consuming, commitment and sometimes seems like work But over time as I've developed my love relationship with Him I've found "that opening a can of fresh peaches in the Winter and tasting such goodness was worth it! And that makes Him smile!

    Sweet Blessings!

    Sweet Blessings!

  2. What fun photos and what a beautiful story of love..for your hubby, your family, your Lord Jesus! Don't forget to be as loving towards yourself too :) I have been married for 41 yrs and cannot imagine life w/o my mate....

    I really like Jackie's analogy of the peaches...
    Thanks for sharing mushy Monday with us!