We have this old-fashioned thing called a camera. It's only purpose is to take pictures. Weird, I know. It is not so old to have film, though I have one of those as well (as for film, I'd have to suggest one Google it!). It is with this relic of technology that I took some "passport photos" for our visa application. Let me just say, there is no way for these to look lovely, though I will admit, makeup may have helped me a bit.
So now that these lovely photo's have been cut-up, pasted to the application, and mailed off, it is official: We have formally applied to be in the country of Ghana.
One might think that this is quite an accomplishment (visa applications are not too difficult, but a pain nonetheless), but it really feels like I've taken but one step up Mount Everest. There feels to be mountainous amounts of information that need to be gathered, questions that need to be answered, and plans upon which must be decided. Moving forward is a monumental task. It gets overwhelming to me more and more.
When we first said "yes" to this adventure, I was all about just going with the flow, and "just do what you can do!" I told my husband in his anxiety. Now it is my turn. I have taken a much bigger role in Vytrak than I anticipated, and I am extremely glad I have, don't get me wrong, but with this bigger role comes responsibility, and with that comes the pressure to succeed. I'm pretty sure this pressure is self-administered, but it doesn't change the fact that I now have real responsibilities and others are relying on me.
There are times I just want to go back to being "Pat's Wife."
It can be so much easier to be the supportive one, as opposed to the one needing support.
Thankfully, I have an amazing husband who comes into my whirlwind of panic, holds my hand and we find our footing together. The whirlwind hasn't exactly gone away, but I know I have support and someone walking it with me. This is a good thing, because as he says, this is just the bunny hill. We haven't even begun to get to the steep parts yet.
Ultimately, I have to acknowledge that I have no real clue or control over what is happening. I totally love change when I am the one controlling the outcome. This is a little over my head and it makes me nervous. I am really trying to give my anxieties (that seem to grow in proportion to my knowledge) up to Christ and let Him lead me. I think. I'm not actually sure what this practically looks like! I feel such a desire for tangible symbols of release like burning pieces of paper with my anxieties written on them during a time of prayer. Maybe I'll have myself a bonfire tonight!
I keep thinking of the Psalty song, One Step at a Time! I definitely feel like I'm climbing a mountain one step at a time! I'm feeling a smores craving with all this mountain climbing and bonfire talk!