Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Pity Party

Have you ever prayed to hear God's voice, and then when He spoke to you, you didn't particularly care to hear it?

This morning I awoke alone, as my husband is across the inlet, to near white-out conditions outside. For all of you anticipating Spring's kiss of green, I give you my look of annoyance. I know some of you can picture it now! For it is far from Spring in the wild lands of Alaska. It's also far from Spring in the manicured lands of this piece of Alaska. We still have a solid month of winter and March is often the month of many snows. Apparently, this is one of those years. It has proceeded to snow about 8", give or take, since my handsome man left one week ago.

Thus my pity party.

I expressed a bit of my frustration to my manly man yesterday about the peculiar situation of having a double car garage with an extra lean-to, and no place to park my car out of the weather. I had seemingly mistaken our building with two garage doors as a garage, when it is in fact, a shop. Silly me. You can surely see where I got my misguided ideas.

I had lamented the lack of adequate cover when my husband simply suggested I move the project pieces that were placed in this area over and thus allowing my car to fit. Yes, simple. I went out this morning planning to move the car into the garage enabling me to get it out of the way to take the 4x4 truck, as it had just snowed another 4" and blew into our driveway creating a fascinating "U" shape. I knew the car stood no chance against snow that deep.

Let me back up. In case you don't see me on facebook, I took a bit of a spill on Friday night last. I slipped on a patch of ice that was cleverly hiding underneath the newly fallen 4" of snow as of that point. It was rather painful, but I landed pretty well considering and only managed to torque my shoulder pretty hard. Nothing broken, but very sore following. I worked on Saturday and on Sunday did not rest, but rather restacked our porch supply of firewood which is about 6 heaping wheelbarrow loads. Not exactly the best thing for my shoulder.

Back to today: I went out to find I needed to shovel the snow from around my car to first enable me to center it and drive it into the garage. It wasn't too bad for my shoulder, as I tried to use my left arm for the weight. Then I went into the garage for the simple task of moving the projects. I was able to move one project without much issue. Unfortunately, it was not to be with the second. I heaved and I heaved, but alas, the welding cart with the custom bumper atop, would only scoot so far under my limited power. I even used up my super-human anger power to no avail. It was then that I began to feel very sorry for myself. I had to go back outside, scoop more snow, & move the car back over as far from the truck and as close to the garage as possible. Did I mention I had to broom off the 4" of snow from the car, AND the truck? No? O.K., at least I'm not repeating myself. I then pulled the truck out into the driveway and made sure it would make it out. It did. I backed in, pulled out, backed in, pulled out in order to drive down the snow and make it easier for me to drive out if I decided to ever take the car out again.

You may ask if I could have used a snowblower? Why yes, we do own one, but no, I am not able to use it. I have not been given instructions, and even if I had, my shoulder would have prevented me from wielding the beast. Could I have called someone to plow the driveway? Perhaps, though I doubted they would get there in time for me to get to work, plus I couldn't remember who my husband said to call. Besides, there was a "sled-bed", a flatbed that sits on top of a truck bed that allows 2 snowmachines (snowmobiles) to sit atop it, sitting in the driveway as well. I don't think plow guys like things in their way.

Any-hoo, I was quite peeved by the time I got to work. I felt that this was all avoidable, had my husband just been home and done all the work for me. After all, isn't that his job? To take care of me? I thought so. In fact, I was so convinced of the injustice of my situation, that when he called (one of the 2 phone calls he gets to have with me per day) I let him know exactly how I felt. I was not going to budge in my analysis of the morning despite the so-called "solutions" he kept throwing out. He clearly did not understand. I was so frustrated that I cut the call short and told him I needed to get back to work. We hung up.

Then I heard HIM.

That wasn't necessary, was it? You know he hasn't chosen to be away from you, but is trying to provide for you. You already know he didn't leave the items in the garage in your way on purpose. Remember how quickly he was called out to leave? You never mentioned your desire to have those things moved. And why are you relying on him to meet all your needs? Why didn't you ask ME for help in any of those things? I may have had an idea or two. You do remember that when you have tons of rationalizations, that usually means you are wrong? If not wrong, then possibly overreacting. Is this really worth being this upset? By the way, I love you.

Oh shoot. All this happened almost instantly after I hung up the phone. I've been miserable ever since. Please do not console me. My lack of peace is certainly from the Holy Spirit! I cannot call my fabulous husband, so I am waiting for him to call me so I can apologize profusely. I was wrong. I was selfish. I was expecting things that he cannot give me. I saw a friend write today, "A successful marriage is the union between two great forgivers." I am fortunate that I have one. He makes me want to follow his lead and be one too. This was one party that I'm glad is over. Kinda wish I wouldn't have attended!


  1. wow-- all I can say... and God bless you for hearing His voice...

  2. You are an awesome writer and I love that you are so vulnerable by sharing WHO you are, and that YOU are forgiven and loved.

    AMAZING friend you are and a precious wife to your Man!

  3. Sincere, convicting and funny! We can all see ourselves in that situation. And I love the quote.

  4. What a wonderful honest story of being human...and of having a relationship with the one we love that is filled with love and forgiveness...Isn't wonderful to know your husband will forgive you and all will be well. What a blessing God gave you with His Fatherly words....
    God bless...

  5. You probably saw me at that party. Good words!