It was time for me to refresh. The blog and myself.
I made a hair appointment. I plan on spending a ridiculous amount of money on my hair. I absolutely hate to do it (really), but this "blah" feeling has got to change! I think it's time to change it up and I can't do it myself.
Sounds like the rest of my life. I need to make some long-term changes that I can't do myself. I've somehow let myself gain some habits that I don't like and don't help me. Most of these are mental habits. I realized that my thought patterns are different than they used to be. I used to be extremely flexible and rarely stressed over anything (to my husband's utter dismay). I had very little fear in life.
Now I'm afraid. I'm afraid that things will stay the same. I am very strange in this, I know, but I've never loved "stability." I've loved the constant change in life and the new challenges that bring new learning. The limbo that we are in right now with the waiting of our house to sell (13 months now) is frustrating. I feel boxed in, closed up, claustrophobic, powerless.
My plan (thanks to the prompting of friends' suggested reading and other ways of the Holy Spirit) is to actually employ the tactics that I have been avoiding for months. Counting my blessings. Praising the Lord. Being grateful. In other words, being pro-active against my "Eve-Complex."
As spiritual as it all sounds, I still need a physical jump-start! Thus, my hair appointment next Thursday.
A fresh start.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
Stepping Out
Yeah, this moose is just prancing on the top of the quickly melting lake ice. This is actually a rare sight, as they typically have more sense than this. Plus there's no food out there. It's all around the safe shores. But isn't it fun?! Daring...Exciting, even?!
I feel a little like stepping out.
OK, not exactly. This was my "Easter Outfit."
Notice the rotting ice behind me. A day or two before this shot and a day or two after the moose was out, I stepped out on the ice and heard a huge POP! The ice cracked loudly.
The funny thing was, instead of stepping back onto the safe shores, I ran out onto the ice into the middle.
You see, the ice is really thick in the middle and thinner around the edge.
I find it really interesting that I chose this direction instead of the safe shore walk. It would have been longer, but certainly safer. (The only real danger was dipping a few inches - the ice is still feet thick!)
I feel a little like my life is very similar. I feel like I just heard the POP and my next move is to jump out, not back. I'm needing to run out to the middle where even though I know it's solid, my adrenaline is pumping! I also know that when I get across, I'm going to have to trust that I can jump to safety again. It also feels like it shouldn't make sense: like the moose, it doesn't feel like there's anything out here. I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing, and there is certainly a burst of fear-ridden adrenaline, but ultimately I know I'll be safe.
God does not ask us or push us out to places where we will sink. He does put us in places where we will sink without Him. He wants our complete dependence, complete trust, complete self. I want to step out in complete reliance on my Savior who put Himself on a Cross for me. There is nothing He will ask of me that will compare to what He did for me.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
My "Eve" Complex
Evidenced from my lack of interest in blog-world, I've had a rough winter.
I think it's a combination of several things; lack of sunlight (Seasonal Affective Disorder), Vitamin D deficiency, not enough exercise, and some complacency of negative thinking. I have happy lights and vitamins, but honestly, I'm having trouble with more exercise! I'm hoping that with the brightening sunlight and melting snow, this will resolve itself in no time. I'm also thinking the happy lights could go away til October.
The negative thinking has been a harder one to acknowledge and change. I have done Bible studies on the topic, heard sermons, and even discussed the benefits of positive mental attitudes, but somehow this winter I just could not see past the things which I did not have. A wise man (not my husband, this time) explained this as the "Eve Complex." As wonderful of a life, perfect really, as Eve had it, she still could not see past the one thing (literally) that she could not have. This has had a huge impact on me. I have always looked down on Eve and could not understand why she did it. I don't have quite the perfect life that Eve had, but I had focused too much on what I was missing, and not enjoying what I have, just like her. This is an extremely simple version, but simple things are not always easy.
I've also discovered that I am a linear thinker. Almost to a perfectionist level. Instead of feeling as though things are good if they are "pretty good," I think of things as either bad or perfect. You can see where this will set me up for disappointment. I was challenged recently to consider being content with things if they are less than perfect. Let me share how freeing this can be when practiced! And practice it takes, at least for me, I've found.
After sharing some about my struggles, I have discovered I am not in a minority. To avoid the "misery loves company" idea, I'd rather share to help others to avoid this little quick-sand-trap. I also believe that this is not just a positive thinking idea, but rather a very Biblical model. Philippians 4 talks about what we are to pursue with our minds. David prays that God would search his thoughts to check him if he is heading in the wrong direction in Psalm 139:23-24. Paul talks frequently about the power of our thoughts; among which how we ought to take each thought captive to the obedience of Christ in his 2nd letter to the Corinthians.
Knowing that I struggle with this specifically in the winter, I hope that I can remember the importance of placing my thoughts under the authority of the Holy Spirit who dwells in me. I'll admit that I often chose to wallow, thinking I'd just get over it in a day or two, but allowing that little bit is dangerous. Stepping into quicksand just a little is enough to get stuck. And sink. Just ask Eve.
I think it's a combination of several things; lack of sunlight (Seasonal Affective Disorder), Vitamin D deficiency, not enough exercise, and some complacency of negative thinking. I have happy lights and vitamins, but honestly, I'm having trouble with more exercise! I'm hoping that with the brightening sunlight and melting snow, this will resolve itself in no time. I'm also thinking the happy lights could go away til October.
The negative thinking has been a harder one to acknowledge and change. I have done Bible studies on the topic, heard sermons, and even discussed the benefits of positive mental attitudes, but somehow this winter I just could not see past the things which I did not have. A wise man (not my husband, this time) explained this as the "Eve Complex." As wonderful of a life, perfect really, as Eve had it, she still could not see past the one thing (literally) that she could not have. This has had a huge impact on me. I have always looked down on Eve and could not understand why she did it. I don't have quite the perfect life that Eve had, but I had focused too much on what I was missing, and not enjoying what I have, just like her. This is an extremely simple version, but simple things are not always easy.
I've also discovered that I am a linear thinker. Almost to a perfectionist level. Instead of feeling as though things are good if they are "pretty good," I think of things as either bad or perfect. You can see where this will set me up for disappointment. I was challenged recently to consider being content with things if they are less than perfect. Let me share how freeing this can be when practiced! And practice it takes, at least for me, I've found.
After sharing some about my struggles, I have discovered I am not in a minority. To avoid the "misery loves company" idea, I'd rather share to help others to avoid this little quick-sand-trap. I also believe that this is not just a positive thinking idea, but rather a very Biblical model. Philippians 4 talks about what we are to pursue with our minds. David prays that God would search his thoughts to check him if he is heading in the wrong direction in Psalm 139:23-24. Paul talks frequently about the power of our thoughts; among which how we ought to take each thought captive to the obedience of Christ in his 2nd letter to the Corinthians.
Knowing that I struggle with this specifically in the winter, I hope that I can remember the importance of placing my thoughts under the authority of the Holy Spirit who dwells in me. I'll admit that I often chose to wallow, thinking I'd just get over it in a day or two, but allowing that little bit is dangerous. Stepping into quicksand just a little is enough to get stuck. And sink. Just ask Eve.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Scripture Memory
#3!
Psalm 115:1
Not to us, O LORD,
not to us,
But to Your name give glory.
Because of Your
lovingkindness, because
of Your truth
I've been working at Love INC (In the Name of Christ) for a month now. I've had the opportunity to help several people. It has been amazing. I love it! I also want to make sure that I don't get the credit. I do it all to lift up the name of Christ, not Melissa. I am in position to help others because God blessed me. I may be on the other side of things someday, and I hope others will step up and help me so we can all rejoice in Jesus' name together!
My husband and I are struggling on how to share the passions that God has given us, and somehow keep from bringing the attention to us. We don't want to share what we've been doing in order for people to "wow" us, but we do want to encourage others to try what we've tried. We have found such an excitement to life in Christ, and we want others to "get it" like we finally are starting to. One way we try to keep ourselves grounded is to keep our activities bathed in prayer and to ask ourselves when we talk to people is, "What is my motivation?". We want to have God glorified in all we do.
Psalm 115:1
Not to us, O LORD,
not to us,
But to Your name give glory.
Because of Your
lovingkindness, because
of Your truth
I've been working at Love INC (In the Name of Christ) for a month now. I've had the opportunity to help several people. It has been amazing. I love it! I also want to make sure that I don't get the credit. I do it all to lift up the name of Christ, not Melissa. I am in position to help others because God blessed me. I may be on the other side of things someday, and I hope others will step up and help me so we can all rejoice in Jesus' name together!
My husband and I are struggling on how to share the passions that God has given us, and somehow keep from bringing the attention to us. We don't want to share what we've been doing in order for people to "wow" us, but we do want to encourage others to try what we've tried. We have found such an excitement to life in Christ, and we want others to "get it" like we finally are starting to. One way we try to keep ourselves grounded is to keep our activities bathed in prayer and to ask ourselves when we talk to people is, "What is my motivation?". We want to have God glorified in all we do.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Prejudice
Stereotypes or prejudices exist where relationships don't.
I just read this from my friend's blog. Her husband said this in response to her asking about the inevitable looks from others about their impending mixed race family. I loved it. It is so true. It is beautiful.
I wish I wasn't, but I have to admit that I am prejudiced. I pre-judge others all too often. I judge whether people are worthy of my kindness or grace, or rather my lack of. I don't hear their stories or listen to their hardships. I don't want to relate to them because I know that will require something from me that I am just not willing to give (rarely money). I just assume people are where they are by choice. I am reminded that we aren't the ones who choose where we are born. Yes, we have some choices, but others are out of our hands.
Skin color
Genetic diseases
Education
Abuse
Income (yes, this can be out of our hands)
I could probably list so many more.
I've recently had some of my ideas of what homeless people look like adjusted. Around here, it's not the drunken older man with a beard. The average homeless person is a nine year old child. Nine. Third grade.
Do you think they have a choice in their lives to be there? I'd be willing to bet they aren't getting a lot of good modeling in which to emulate either.
My first instinct is to be angry with the parents. Unfortunately, many are unable to even know where to start to get out of their homelessness. This is often a generational issue. Unless we've been in their shoes, which most of us affluent Christians have not, we have no idea how hopeless that can be. To have people presume your deficiencies just by how you look is something that is not bound by race. Most homeless have jobs, are white, and have gotten to this point due to a medical issue, and secondly job losses (obviously different areas will have different demographics).
If we continue to snub our noses and keep our distance, there will continue to be hopelessness. It's amazing what you learn when you take down the defenses and begin to relate to people. You end up learning as much as you intend to teach, if not more.
Now some people really are where they are because of the choices they have made. I remember all the bad choices I've made and I am so thankful that the people around me didn't give up on me. I am thankful for redemption. What if we taught others what redemption looked like before we taught them what Jesus did for them? What if we changed the stereotype of hypocritical Christians by reaching out and forming relationships with people?
These are just the things that have been in my head lately. The blind spots that I didn't realize were there that have shown up. It's interesting how one statement from someone can open a can of worms for me! Thank you, Mr Neill.
I just read this from my friend's blog. Her husband said this in response to her asking about the inevitable looks from others about their impending mixed race family. I loved it. It is so true. It is beautiful.
I wish I wasn't, but I have to admit that I am prejudiced. I pre-judge others all too often. I judge whether people are worthy of my kindness or grace, or rather my lack of. I don't hear their stories or listen to their hardships. I don't want to relate to them because I know that will require something from me that I am just not willing to give (rarely money). I just assume people are where they are by choice. I am reminded that we aren't the ones who choose where we are born. Yes, we have some choices, but others are out of our hands.
Skin color
Genetic diseases
Education
Abuse
Income (yes, this can be out of our hands)
I could probably list so many more.
I've recently had some of my ideas of what homeless people look like adjusted. Around here, it's not the drunken older man with a beard. The average homeless person is a nine year old child. Nine. Third grade.
Do you think they have a choice in their lives to be there? I'd be willing to bet they aren't getting a lot of good modeling in which to emulate either.
My first instinct is to be angry with the parents. Unfortunately, many are unable to even know where to start to get out of their homelessness. This is often a generational issue. Unless we've been in their shoes, which most of us affluent Christians have not, we have no idea how hopeless that can be. To have people presume your deficiencies just by how you look is something that is not bound by race. Most homeless have jobs, are white, and have gotten to this point due to a medical issue, and secondly job losses (obviously different areas will have different demographics).
If we continue to snub our noses and keep our distance, there will continue to be hopelessness. It's amazing what you learn when you take down the defenses and begin to relate to people. You end up learning as much as you intend to teach, if not more.
Now some people really are where they are because of the choices they have made. I remember all the bad choices I've made and I am so thankful that the people around me didn't give up on me. I am thankful for redemption. What if we taught others what redemption looked like before we taught them what Jesus did for them? What if we changed the stereotype of hypocritical Christians by reaching out and forming relationships with people?
These are just the things that have been in my head lately. The blind spots that I didn't realize were there that have shown up. It's interesting how one statement from someone can open a can of worms for me! Thank you, Mr Neill.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Family Sick?
My Mom took this picture this past Christmas, and we are all wearing Drawn From Water shirts that she gave us! I love it! Even though I look a bit beefy since I have the T over my sweater!! I'm not vain or anything...
After spending some real time with family, I was reminded of how wonderful my family is and how much I value them. We are not remotely perfect. We all have our issues. Despite it all, we love each other and mostly we are bound by our love of Christ. I used to think this was normal. I know now that it is extraordinary. I wish I had more contact with it!
I've been moping about for the last week or so, bemoaning the fact that I now live 3500 miles (as the geese fly - you know crows don't go that far) away from this family cell. My poor husband, who I love even more than all the others, has been having to put up with my short temper, lack of motivation, and general unpleasantness. To him, I must apologize!
I will be getting better soon, I promise. I know how fortunate I am to have family I love to visit and how it breaks my heart to leave them. I am thankful. I am thankful for each moment that I have with them, and how it makes me more intentional about how I show my love for them. This intentionality is something I hope I can continue into other relationships. I think I'm getting tired of living on the surface. It's not very fulfilling. And...it doesn't look like I'll be moving anywhere soon, so instead holding back and staying where it is comfortable, it's time to be real. I suppose this sounds a bit choppy, but I think this is my next step in obedience.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Scripture Memory
#2!
Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated, common men, they were astonished. And they recognized that they had been with Jesus."
Acts 4:13
Am I bold? Do I astonish others? Do people recognize that I have been with Jesus?
This is what is hope for myself for this year. I want to disregard my lack of formal education, especially in spiritual matters, and realize that my pure commonness is exactly what God can use to magnify Himself!
Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated, common men, they were astonished. And they recognized that they had been with Jesus."
Acts 4:13
Am I bold? Do I astonish others? Do people recognize that I have been with Jesus?
This is what is hope for myself for this year. I want to disregard my lack of formal education, especially in spiritual matters, and realize that my pure commonness is exactly what God can use to magnify Himself!
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