I know P.R. normally stands for Public Relations, but today it will stand for Prayer Request.
It's a funny thing, to ask for prayer. We are such an independent creature, even when we are a "new creation!" Yesterday someone said to me, "I can just see you as a little girl saying, 'I can do it all by myself!'" That is so me. That is also my husband. We are fairly tough spirits (see other blog for our other adventures), and feel pretty strong in our independence, though not from each other! I see the rabbit trail; I'm coming back.
So, this last month or so has been a real exercise in reliance. I have been working, but let's face it. My work is a pretty low-pay, no benefits, seasonal job that provides us with some extra cash to play with and I enjoy immensely! How's that for a roller coaster sentence! My amazing man has only had a few recent days of intermittent work after a month-long wait. He is the primary provider and we base all essentials on his income.
Financially, we are doing O.K. We plan ahead for such times. In fact, this year we had begun to save a substantial amount monthly to a larger emergency fund. Except for this last month, of course! We have yet to dip into the larger fund, as we have a more liquid account for short-term situations. I find this a blessing. We have prepared for such times, and we are benefiting from our planning and resourcefulness.
But, I have not been praying about this issue much this last month.
I have mostly been relying on our own abilities to get through the rough patch when things will turn around. I find myself trying to make sure I do all the things I possibly can before I "bother" God with my problems. I want to give a report of all I have tried to somehow show I've been working toward a solution and not being lazy and just asking for help. I think in my effort to avoid being a part of the "welfare population" I don't want to appear that way before God. I want to be one of those that He wants to help because I am trying to do the right thing already. I'm just not so sure that's how God see's things.
I'd like to be a bit closer in relationship to God than I am to the government! I want to be closer in relationship to God than to anyone else. It isn't as if He doesn't already know. Wow. How's that for a double negative! He knows! I really ought to start out asking for wisdom and discretion on finances. Yeah, I ended that with a period right there for a reason. I was going to go on, but that's where it should be. I should start out asking for wisdom and discretion on finances, not wait til we are in a tighter situation where we may have made mistakes or miscalculations. I'd rather have widsom, Godly wisdom from the beginning.
Why do I think of things only after?
While you may think this is a request for prayer about our finances, it is really a request that I humble myself and bring my requests before God; BEFORE I try to handle it all by myself. I keep thinking it's not a pride issue, as I still give God credit for taking care of us. Then I wonder if I give Him credit in the secret places of my heart that I don't show my Christian friends, or anyone. Did I just write that? Oh my. Perhaps I do still like that inner feeling that I really did do it all by myself. I'm so thankful that my Father walks beside me so closely that when I come to my senses He can step right in.