Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Alllll Byyyyyy Myyyyyy Seh -eehhh-eehhhllllf

Am I the only person who cracks themselves up?!
I just posted on my facebook page the title of this blog, and it made me laugh audibly. I was singing it to myself and thought you all might think it was funny too!
I have begun my little "heart-growing-fonder" time away from my husband. I miss him terribly already. I hate going to bed and tend to stay up way too late. We've been married 7 years and I always hate to be apart from him. He is on a trip with his brother-in-law to go Elk Hunting in his native (close enough) New Mexico. (He was born in Idaho, but moved when he was 5.) Anyway, my manly man is all outdoor's and has tried his best to make me the same way. I love how he encourages me and somehow manages to get me out into the most amazing places in the craziest of situations. This last weekend he took me out bear hunting, and he had me sleeping quite soundly under a tarp on a bed of hemlock boughs for my sleeping bag. For all you animal lovers, I apologize, but I live in Alaska and I married a serious hunter. It was bound to happen. I had never really shot a gun before I met him, and now I'm out hunting black bears, among other things. The funny thing, is that this was not the first time I had camped tentless. He managed to get me under a tarp in our canoe a couple years ago. One thing to say about that trip: bug nets.
I had a good friend of mine get engaged just recently and in her excitement I have been remembering all the sweet things I love about my husband. I also remembered the first year we were married. Gals from my small group would ask me how things were going, and I would usually respond, "O.K." I was having a hard time letting go of my independence and sharing. I'm not a good sharer. Especially with my candy. Moving on. My friend has been a very independent for the last several years. As excited as she is for this gift, she is nervous. I was too. I've been sharing with her how I had to tell my fabulously attentive husband that when I got home, I needed time to demob. and unwind before I could really engage with him. Fortunately, we were able to communicate fairly well with each other in all these little things! I say "we" but I really mean him. Somehow he disarmed me, calmed me, taught me. Still does. I feel his absence and wish I was as strong as I used to think I was!
Now I have the time to be by myself. What do I do with this independence?
I succumb to dependence. I don't know what exactly is going on, but my soul is stirring and I need to know what God is trying to say to me. I am nothing without Him, and for all that I have been blessed with, I am feeling that I need to DO something more. My heart has been aching for people I've never met and live across the world. My little life is so safe and insulated. I feel like I need to become a little uncomfortable. Still not sure what that means. I am taking this weekend to spend some serious time in reflection and prayer. If you think of it, I'd love your prayers. I may also ask if the Lord is asking you to look beyond your blessings and ask why you've been given what you have. He may ask you to do something crazy too!

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