Thursday, April 23, 2009


I caught a blog entry from one of the billions of blogs I was surfing tonight, and I apologize that I won't be able to give credit to it. It struck a chord with me. She talked about being planted and how she hadn't allowed herself to in her "new" home of 3 years or so. I can so relate!

It's funny how all my life, my goal was to get as far away as possible. I remember looking at colleges that were on each coast, and since I lived smack-dab in the middle of the country, that was as far as I could imagine going.

I grew up in the same house throughout my childhood, minus my first few months that went to readying the house with remodels. If I remember correctly, I have always had the same room. It was the 2nd floor south east corner room. I liked the views from my window. It stretched out as far as the eye could see out east. I could see for miles. In western Kansas, that is a typically simple feat. The landscape is marred by the occasional tree cluster that indicated a farm yard either past or present. Most were relatively present tense as drought and late freezes had worked their way through, diminishing the cottonwoods and elms that mostly sprang up around the old farm houses. I went to school with the same 8 or so kids from pre-school through my senior year with various additions/subtractions every year. I even had one teacher that was only a couple years late with teaching my dad. Yes, I grew up in a place of heritage, where everyone knew who I was, or who I belonged to.

It sounds so quaint, peaceful, sweet. I loved it until I hit Jr.High and then I despised it. I couldn't uproot myself any which way I tried. I tried many many ways for many years. Try as I might, I could not establish my own identity apart from that family tree. I didn't just want to uproot, I wanted to be pruned off completely. Looking back, the heritage that I was linked to was a fairly good one. It wasn't that I was embarrassed by it, I just wanted my own identity.

It's fascinating to see how in the last 12 years I have fought hard to keep my roots shallow in order to have a quick and painless move whenever I needed it. My relationships with most everyone, with very few exceptions, have been intentionally shallow. That way, WHEN I move, it won't be hard. In the last 12 years I have moved 9 times. The longest I have stayed in any home has been 3 years. Am I still so afraid to put down roots? (oh, and it's pronounced like foot, not boot where I came from!) Yes, I am. Why? I don't really know.

My next question begs to ask why I am sharing this. Again, I don't really know. I think it's to help me process why I think God is asking me to plant myself a million miles from where I want to be. Where is that? I don't know that either. Just not so far away from my sister, who consequently I spent that childhood trying to separate myself from! Perhaps I am supposed to enlarge my borders like Jabez. But I'm not asking for it! Oh dear. It's that growth thing I think. Did God give me the desire through my youth to experience distance to prepare me for experiencing distance? I'm likely over thinking that one.

I have no answers. I'm not sure God is giving those to me just yet. I have noticed that I disengage with people after a period of time, and prepare to leave [the relationship]. I don't think I should do that. I am reminded of a verse in Proverbs, and I can't remember where, that states something like; better is a friend nearby than a distant brother. I took huge offense to that. There is no one better than my sister. Period. Have I given anyone a chance to be anything close? Of course not. Oh dear. I'll have to find that verse again and make sure it really said that!

I think what I'm saying, is that I need to put down some roots. They don't have to go down to Australia, but I need to at least put out some feeder roots. I know enough about plants to know that if you keep one in a pot forever, it will become stunted. I really don't want my growth to be stunted. I also know that those feeder roots are easily damaged, and they don't all make it. But some do. Some grow and ... ok, I'm getting a bit dreamy here. You know where I'm going!

Alright, time to feed the plants: Mr Wonderful is home and needs his supper!


  1. I am finding this posting very interesting and reflective for me too. I grew up moving alot until I was 10 and then I lived int he same town until I went off to college and then married. As a couple we have moved 24 or more times in 40 years with the last move being 13 yrs ago. I have never lived anywhere in my whole life as long as here. I always made friends quickly, enjoyed them and before relationships got complicated...we were moving on. Having been sick for so long now, I have never really been able to have friendships where we live ~ just aquaintences. I do find though, that I somtimes keep people at a distance too...and my best realtionships are from a distance...via email or phone. Hmmmmm
    Part of that is out of necessity because of my limited energy, part of it is protecting myself.
    SO your posting has brought up alot for me too as now at age 61 I am wondering what it would have been like to live somewhere for ever and ever and have those roots...deep and wide..... people who knew me and loved me..knew me before I was homebound and so ill...
    Our kids moved alot of course and now they are all living in one place and NEVER want to move. Interesting......they have made friends, have strong church ties, like their jobs and don't want to leave and start over....
    As I said before you have opened a door for me at this time in my life. Hmmmmm I need to reflect on this myself.
    Happy days of reflecting to you~!

  2. I'll pray you make yourself vulnerable as God leads you to knowing that He will take care of you through any hurts that could possibly come through doing so. I also pray that He will bless you with great joy through your obedience!

    Thanks for your prayers the other week! they were felt and greatly appreciated!