It seems I am a toddler at heart.
I can do it all by myself!
For the past 8 years or so, my fabulous husband has been on a mission to get me to a higher plane of self-sufficiency. He has enabled me to see past the perceived need of tents, bulky food, trails, most cooking utensils, and much more. I have been able to learn that I truly need very little to survive in fairly comfortable environment that I can create for myself.
This self-sufficiency fed into my deep desires to be independent. I have wanted independence from something or someone since I could remember. While growing up this manifested itself in wanting independence from my family, whether in name or actual physical location! As I grew, my goals were very centered on creating an independent persona for myself - all by myself. I was going to be someone people would admire, wonder, wish they were, etc. I was going to do this all alone. All through school, even through college, I detested group projects. I felt as though they were a socialistic standard that only served to bring me down to average, which I truly aspired to be above. I thrived when I finally got to do my relatively independent study for my Horticulture degree. It fit me perfectly! I got all the credit!
Even now, I feel tremendous satisfaction in completing a project or tackling a problem successfully on my own. Just tonight, I was changing the water filter in our crawl space (more like a stoop-space), and as I was opening the water line back up, water began to pour out the pressure relief button. This was no exaggeration. It was pouring out. (Did I mention we are supposed to have a showing this weekend? No? Well, yes, this added to my panic!) As I shut off the water and pushed my panic into a box in my proverbial emotional shelf, I realized that the button was likely gunked up (yes, I made up that word) by some sediment. Fortunately, I had just sprayed a thrip-covered petunia with a soap/water mix that I thought may help along with some Q-tips. I went ahead and texted my man just in case he had any other thoughts! In the end, I was able to clean out the valve and stop the leak, averting the crisis. I was quite proud of myself!
Then I remembered that we aren't supposed to do anything by ourselves.
Jesus Himself said:
"'I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by Himself; He can only do what He sees His Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does.'" John 5:19
"'For I have come down from heaven to do the will of God who sent me, not to do my own will.'" John 6:38
"'My message is not my own; it comes from God who sent me."' John 7:16
"'I do nothing on my own but say only what the Father taught me. And the one who sent me is with me - he has not deserted me. For I always do what pleases him.'" John 8:28b-29
"'At my Father's direction I have done many good works.'" John 10:32a
"'I don't speak on my own authority. The Father who sent me has commanded me what to say and how to say it. And I know his commands lead to eternal life; so I say whatever the Father tells me to say.'" John 12:49-50
Now, I don't want to take this all out of context and say that I cannot do anything, ever, on my own. I do believe that God gives us challenges that only we must go through, but am I by myself? No. I'm not. I have to admit that when I was putting the filter back on that last time, I was praying that God would seal it and keep it from leaking. Not only does He help in moments like these, but He uses these situations to bring us into a deeper reliance on Him.
Sometimes, He desires us to draw upon our community for support. Earlier today I had a dentist appointment. That may not sound that big to some of you, but I have had less than stellar dentist appointments in my day and I have a tendency to get a bit panicked. My jaw locks up and hurts when they put the block in, I almost always have sinus drainage that collects in the back of my throat, and that doesn't help my claustrophobic tendencies which cause me to have brief panic attacks thinking I can't breathe, and gosh darn it: it hurts!
So anyway, I humbled myself and asked for my group and my mom to pray for me today. Mom's are great for that, aren't they?! I admit that I felt rather silly asking for prayer for something fairly trivial. I should surely be able to get through this by myself. I was reminded of what a privilege it was to be able to see a dentist at all, but I was still not looking forward to my fillings. Today I felt so thankful for those prayers and support. I prayed for me and the dentist throughout the appointment, and I felt a calm and relaxation that was foreign to me in that place before now, and I know it was due to the prayer support. The dentist seemed to feel the need for urgency and made the appointment go quickly. I now have a molar that no longer has the metal filling, but a composite one, along with a little extra that needed to be filled. It was as pleasant an appointment as it could have been. I didn't even feel the shots, though it looked as though I'd had a stroke for the next 5 hours. I kept hoping I wasn't drooling. I digress...
I had just had an experience where the coming together of sisters had blessed me, and yet I was still determined to find pride in doing things by myself! My problem stems not from the ability God has given me to accomplish things like fixing a leaky pressure relief valve, but in taking the full credit. I am so thankful that God has worked in me and used my husband to teach me how to take care of things. Jesus, who was God's own Son, again and again reminded us that even He relied on the Father for direction and strength and then gave the glory back to Him. It was never about Jesus' story alone. He didn't do it all by Himself, and I don't want to either.
Showing posts with label Group. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Group. Show all posts
Friday, July 23, 2010
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Important Things
My husband and I have this amazing invention in our home: a DVR. We are able to record shows that we enjoy, then view them later. Strangely, the programming we prefer seems to be "live" at very odd hours, so this is a fabulous thing for us. It has also improved our communications. I often have very important thoughts that need expressing at that particular moment, lest I forget them later, and Pat can pause the television and give me his complete attention. This can also work in reverse. I think it should be included in every marriage counselor's suggested purchases.
One show that we have found entertaining is called "Important Things with Demetri ..." I forgot his last name. (This is why I must vocalize my thoughts - I really do forget) This show focuses on one topic or item and comedically spends the 30 minutes discussing various aspects of it. We find the dryness quite humorous.
I have been pondering a topic lately that drove me to my next memory verse. Important Things. This is a topic that could be very broad, but is it? Could it really be simple? A jumbled thought process follows!
Our study in group has been focusing on feeling important. One chapter suggested that we, as women, judge our value in concrete terms, though our deeds are often not concrete. I can't remember the last time I came home thinking of all the specific times I stopped to listen to someone who obviously needed an ear. That's not really a measurable situation. I guess I could time anything that happens as such in order to form a concrete measure. Reaching out to give someone a hug in a tough time can help in immeasurable ways. So can a phone call. A note. A helping hand.
The author of the study suggested that this measuring was a masculine device that we've taken up to try to put value on our actions that we clearly cannot measure, making us feel inadequate. Truly only God can possibly know the ramifications of all the little things we do. Sometimes we get to do big things that have much more visible results. Sometimes we only value those things. Are those the only Important Things? What does God say about the Important Things? I found this familiar verse telling me something deeper this last week.
Luke 16:10 tells us that "He who is faithful in a VERY LITTLE THING is faithful also in much; and he who is unrighteous in a VERY LITTLE THING is unrighteous also in much." (NASB, Emphasis mine)
Important Things are VERY LITTLE THINGS! Consistancy in anything seems to be lacking in our culture today, and it is needed. Doing the little things that seem so unimportant help to build that consistancy, which then does build character. That makover theme again pushes me to want to be in character with Christ. That means in the little things. Letting a child sit on His lap. Going to dinner with a new acquaintance. A touch. I doubt anyone thought those things little when Jesus did them. I think our human nature desires to be important and we've equated that with big things. Jesus is clear when He tells us it's the little things that matter first. How we deal with the little things will determine what we do with the big things, good or bad. We may get chances to do great big things, but we have to make the little things, Important Things.
One show that we have found entertaining is called "Important Things with Demetri ..." I forgot his last name. (This is why I must vocalize my thoughts - I really do forget) This show focuses on one topic or item and comedically spends the 30 minutes discussing various aspects of it. We find the dryness quite humorous.
I have been pondering a topic lately that drove me to my next memory verse. Important Things. This is a topic that could be very broad, but is it? Could it really be simple? A jumbled thought process follows!
Our study in group has been focusing on feeling important. One chapter suggested that we, as women, judge our value in concrete terms, though our deeds are often not concrete. I can't remember the last time I came home thinking of all the specific times I stopped to listen to someone who obviously needed an ear. That's not really a measurable situation. I guess I could time anything that happens as such in order to form a concrete measure. Reaching out to give someone a hug in a tough time can help in immeasurable ways. So can a phone call. A note. A helping hand.
The author of the study suggested that this measuring was a masculine device that we've taken up to try to put value on our actions that we clearly cannot measure, making us feel inadequate. Truly only God can possibly know the ramifications of all the little things we do. Sometimes we get to do big things that have much more visible results. Sometimes we only value those things. Are those the only Important Things? What does God say about the Important Things? I found this familiar verse telling me something deeper this last week.
Luke 16:10 tells us that "He who is faithful in a VERY LITTLE THING is faithful also in much; and he who is unrighteous in a VERY LITTLE THING is unrighteous also in much." (NASB, Emphasis mine)
Important Things are VERY LITTLE THINGS! Consistancy in anything seems to be lacking in our culture today, and it is needed. Doing the little things that seem so unimportant help to build that consistancy, which then does build character. That makover theme again pushes me to want to be in character with Christ. That means in the little things. Letting a child sit on His lap. Going to dinner with a new acquaintance. A touch. I doubt anyone thought those things little when Jesus did them. I think our human nature desires to be important and we've equated that with big things. Jesus is clear when He tells us it's the little things that matter first. How we deal with the little things will determine what we do with the big things, good or bad. We may get chances to do great big things, but we have to make the little things, Important Things.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Marvelous Monday!
Barely made it. I thought I would be really good at utilizing my only day off when my husband is at work to do a very thought out, serious, deeply moving entry. Not so much. I think a couple weeks ago when I thought up this genius idea, he had the day off. When he has a day "off" it really means a day of work on the house that necessitates my help. I am usually thrilled at the change of events and enthusiastically drop any plans that I had (usually much more relaxing plans) and jump right in! Note the sarcasm. I'm working on all that, sarcasm included!
Then there is today. My fabulous husband (seriously, no sarcasm) has such a strong work ethic that I often feel guilty if I haven't been productive in my days home. I felt very proud of myself today, as I did laundry, re-stacked the wood pile, cooked a fancy meatloaf with mashed potatoes on top, walked the dogs, and cleaned the kitchen and living room. Oh, and I made our 2-week menu and went grocery shopping, stopped at the bank and even browsed the bookstore! I felt like a superwoman! I cannot figure out how moms do it. I would go batty. Kudo's to moms!
So all that to say, I have not spent too much time on my "pooter" as a nephew used to call it. I try to stay off the computer when my lover is home so as to better give him all my undivided attention as we watch t.v. or whatever! Well, he's out at a practice for a musical (he's a phenomenal drummer), so I'm back online!
Sometimes I really should take more application of all the Proverbs that speak of fewer words. Does it count if it's online and not out the mouth? This way I can peruse what I've "said" and edit if needed! A deep theological discussion for another day perhaps.
On a slightly more serious note, I am on for starting this women's group. I am so lost! I am so glad that it is not about me. Talk about going batty... I felt led to begin this group now and I think the timing is not at all conducive to good management! I thought I would wait until fall, but that was not the message I was getting! O.K.! I figured there would not be interest in it until fall, when the timing would make more sense. I threw out my thoughts of starting this to my pastor and he instantly put it into the church news that is sent via email and printed to be passed out at church. To my surprise, I've had several responses! Apparently, I'm not the only woman in our church who desires a women's group. I'm sensing this is why there was a push to do this now. But really? ME? Am I really a good representative to facilitate this? I am reminded of an acronym that was once used at another church for the qualifications of a leader: FAT. Lovely, huh? On a simplified explanation, I need to be faithful, available, and teachable. I think that's right. Alright, I will strive to be FAT!
I love the Sunday School study of Esther that we're doing as it has shown me so much. I felt that God was telling me that He wanted me to do this now, and if I wasn't going to, He'd use someone else. Didn't Mordecai say something similar to Esther? I clearly am not in such a place and time to save a people from genocide, but it struck a chord. I can let myself be used and place myself in a position to be used thereby enjoying the blessings of seeing God work, or I can let someone else do it. I cannot tell you how excited I am to see what God has planned for us!
I am researching studies that I want to do - too many and so little time - and other research materials that I'd like to utilize for myself. I have been praying my head off for God to be glorified in this and not me or a specific study. I have been toying with logistical issues, and decided that this can't be for everyone, so it will just have to be. God will decide what it will be for those who come.
Well, I think I hear my husband coming!
So much for deep, theological entries!
Then there is today. My fabulous husband (seriously, no sarcasm) has such a strong work ethic that I often feel guilty if I haven't been productive in my days home. I felt very proud of myself today, as I did laundry, re-stacked the wood pile, cooked a fancy meatloaf with mashed potatoes on top, walked the dogs, and cleaned the kitchen and living room. Oh, and I made our 2-week menu and went grocery shopping, stopped at the bank and even browsed the bookstore! I felt like a superwoman! I cannot figure out how moms do it. I would go batty. Kudo's to moms!
So all that to say, I have not spent too much time on my "pooter" as a nephew used to call it. I try to stay off the computer when my lover is home so as to better give him all my undivided attention as we watch t.v. or whatever! Well, he's out at a practice for a musical (he's a phenomenal drummer), so I'm back online!
Sometimes I really should take more application of all the Proverbs that speak of fewer words. Does it count if it's online and not out the mouth? This way I can peruse what I've "said" and edit if needed! A deep theological discussion for another day perhaps.
On a slightly more serious note, I am on for starting this women's group. I am so lost! I am so glad that it is not about me. Talk about going batty... I felt led to begin this group now and I think the timing is not at all conducive to good management! I thought I would wait until fall, but that was not the message I was getting! O.K.! I figured there would not be interest in it until fall, when the timing would make more sense. I threw out my thoughts of starting this to my pastor and he instantly put it into the church news that is sent via email and printed to be passed out at church. To my surprise, I've had several responses! Apparently, I'm not the only woman in our church who desires a women's group. I'm sensing this is why there was a push to do this now. But really? ME? Am I really a good representative to facilitate this? I am reminded of an acronym that was once used at another church for the qualifications of a leader: FAT. Lovely, huh? On a simplified explanation, I need to be faithful, available, and teachable. I think that's right. Alright, I will strive to be FAT!
I love the Sunday School study of Esther that we're doing as it has shown me so much. I felt that God was telling me that He wanted me to do this now, and if I wasn't going to, He'd use someone else. Didn't Mordecai say something similar to Esther? I clearly am not in such a place and time to save a people from genocide, but it struck a chord. I can let myself be used and place myself in a position to be used thereby enjoying the blessings of seeing God work, or I can let someone else do it. I cannot tell you how excited I am to see what God has planned for us!
I am researching studies that I want to do - too many and so little time - and other research materials that I'd like to utilize for myself. I have been praying my head off for God to be glorified in this and not me or a specific study. I have been toying with logistical issues, and decided that this can't be for everyone, so it will just have to be. God will decide what it will be for those who come.
Well, I think I hear my husband coming!
So much for deep, theological entries!
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