Memory Banking

I took a canoe ride and a walk along a back trail yesterday.  It was a good walk.  When I have a lot of time to myself, I tend to get pretty introspective.  I have wondered with increasing seriousness if this will indeed be the last summer I spend in our home here.  This being the 3rd year that our house is for sale, I have wondered this before.  With increasing certainty, I feel this will be it, regardless of whether we move to Africa or not.  I don't know when God will sell our house.  I don't know why He hasn't done it yet, or even if He will in the way we hope.  It probably won't be the way we expect.  God likes to keep us on our toes!

It really is amazing how beautiful something is when you know it won't be yours forever.  Breathing in the cool, clean air that has a uniquely Alaskan scent of moss, spruce, and swamp decomposition, makes me nostalgic.  Walking through the woods with trees covered in lichen and "Old Man's Beard" moss and being surprised by the bright green patches of wood ferns reminds me how much I will miss.  I know it won't be the same to go for walks with defense items in case I run into a moose mama with her newborn red-haired calf.

When will I ever go back to the house in a canoe across my pond?

These are little gifts of memories that I hope I can enjoy until the time God calls us on to our next adventure!

Spring Fever!

 I wish I could take credit for these beautiful blooms, but it was my mom who took them at Botanica, the botanical gardens in Wichita, KS.  They are so beautiful!  It gives me hope that spring will come here, too!  I know it will.  It is raining as I write!  Remember those April showers?!

 Spring has never been my favorite season.  I seem to carry this cynicism that takes away from the little moments of life breaking through the cold.  I don't like this about me.  I have always seen spring as a tease; starting to get warm, only to bring in the bleak clouds of rain and more cold.  This feeling was only reinforced when we moved to Alaska and "spring" is called "Break-up."  It is a time where the snow starts to melt and the ice literally breaks up.  The roads are a huge mess and it's muddy, mucky, cold, and wet.  And brown.  Leaves start to emerge in May.  Tulips show up around mid-May here, if they make it past the moose!

 In the past year, I have kept a list of things for which I am thankful.  It was funny because I got a book that had this suggestion and tried to read it, but I couldn't get through it.  Ironically, it was too flowery for me.  I continued my journaling, however, and I am trying to get past my cynicism.  I want to see the beauty in the first blade of grass I see, in the smell of the soil, in the warmth of the sunshine; not sulk that the snow isn't gone yet.  Sometimes I wonder how much I've missed while lamenting all that is not perfect.  I know we were made for a perfect world, but I believe God sends us glimpses of it!

Thanks, Mom, for sending me this one!

The Grass is Greener Syndrome

 Having spent the last month in the bay area of California, I have remembered my love of the color green. I was sent rather short-notice and packed a bit too warm for the area.  It didn't take me long to soak in the green grass, blooming lavender and other flowers around my hotel.  It was a sweet consolation for an otherwise difficult job.

Upon my return to a very snowy home back in Alaska, I quickly began to wish for a change of "home."  Why did it have to snow more this year than ever?  (I don't know the exact numbers, but we have had a LOT of snow this winter... so far.)  This means that it will take even longer to see my own lawn this year.
Oh how I miss green grass!
As if God knew this would be in this brain of mine, he set it to my Pastor to quote someone, I forget who, saying, "If the grass is greener on the other side, then it's time to water your own lawn."

I could get all negative and literal, explaining the desire to water my lawn but it's covered in 5 feet of packed snow, but I'll take the figurative intention and realize that I have ways to make my life content.  Most of this "watering" is rooted (pun intended!) in spiritual discipline.  I must admit that I am lacking in this most important way.  When I stop feeding myself with the Word, I feel distracted, flighty, discontent, and ungrateful.  I look at others and pine for whatever they have that seems to be lacking in my life.

On CBS Sunday Morning, a show I must watch every week, they had a little segment discussing the falsity of the literal "greener grass" syndrome.  Let me explain.  When one looks over a fence or what-have-you at the lawn across the way, it often appears to be greener because of the angle of the view.  Grass blades are long and slender, giving the most green color viewing from the side.  When looking upon the same blades of grass from above, the view is more of the tips and edges, and often some dirt, giving a much less green appearance.

Basically it's perspective.  When I think my life is too lowly for me to participate in it, and I feel like changing lawns, what I really need is to get down and roll around; get my eyes to the level of the blades.  This may mean getting dirty, grass-stains and all, to really see what I have.  (There are so many puns & allegorical thoughts here, but I'll restrain myself - they could get very old!)   I have to engage more deeply in the life I have been given to nurture it.  Then maybe, just maybe, someone else will ask what I'm doing to have such a healthy, green life, and I can point them to the Maker and Sustainer of it all.

Autumn Beauty

Autumn is my most favorite season!  The colors are outstanding and vivid! I couldn't help but share just a "few" of my glimpses of this incredible beauty.

Bedtime

 Sometimes you just have to get off the couch, go outside, and you will be blessed!  I am so fortunate to have my husband push me out of my comfort zone when I am clearly not comfortable there.  He is such a catalyst for me to see God's gifts!  Plus, on a practical side, being outside is better for one's oxygen intake, physical activity, and mental stimulation in a real-time way!

Oh, did I mention we caught fish?!  I caught the most, but Pat's single catch was the biggest!  We had a wonderful time and even had a "double" - when we both caught one at the same time!  

And to think we could have missed this by going to bed on time.

It's a Good Day

Life is not perfect.

I still don't have what I wish.

And yet, it is a good day.

It is a beautiful day.

 My mom came to visit, and we got to share so much of the beauty of this place.

The majesty of His creation.

 We had the chance to spend time in the woods in this beautiful cabin on this gorgeous lake.  

It was a good day.

It has been a tough week, but through it all, I have so much for which I am thankful.

So much.

It's a good day.

Simple Joys

Anyone who knows me knows that I find a huge amount of joy in flowers.  Not as much in the cut variety as the ones who slowly emerge and surprise you with the burst of color that only they give with patience and slight care.  Most people likely have these moments of excitement in March or April when their flowers are popping up.  I must wait until June to see the blooms and flush of colors.  This is when I begin my daily vigil of walking around my gardens to check on my "babies."

Every day I check on the flowers to monitor their growth, delight in their beauty, and praise their Maker.  I love how little I am involved in the perfection of my plants.  Each one is extremely different and wonderful.  I find such peace and joy in the flowers (planted and wild) that I don't wonder that God first put Adam and Eve in a Garden!

I have been struggling at times lately resting my spirit.  Everyday I see money exchanged for things that are fleeting when they could be used for much more.  I see myself doing it, and I don't know how to quell my uneasiness.  I still buy flowers or doughnuts or other things that are for a quick dose of temporary happiness.  I know there is a balance and I try not to feel too guilty, but there is clearly an awareness that is going on.  I have begun to equate the cost of these things with the loss of meals for a child or the lack of a day of school.  Spending one day at the hair salon for a cut, hi-lite, & brow wax could send a child to school with a uniform and provide them with 3 meals a day for 6 months.  This is why I haven't gone since November.

My regrowth is horrendous, but fortunately, I don't see it much!  I don't have new clothes, and mine are beginning to get a bit ratty and stained.  But I am clothed.  I don't have the cutest styles of flats/boots/sandals, but I have shoes.  I've had some moments of wanting newer coverings for myself, but then I remember that I have what I NEED.  More than I need, actually.

Spending a little time each day in view of what He created rests my soul.  I remember that I am on a journey that is not finished.  I remember the changes that we have made to more fully participate in His Kingdom and it excites me to keep changing.

I wonder if my Maker takes His moments to walk around, check His "babies," and watch each day how I grow.  I want to delight Him even more than His flowers delight me.

Epic Eighth Anniversary Trip!

Disclaimer:  This is a long post with a lot of pretty amazing pictures.  Prepare to spend some time!

I can hardly believe it has been 8 years ago when I convinced my beloved to "just get married!"  We semi-eloped to a friend's place who had the most beautiful grounds, and asked our closest family to join us while we said our vows and pledged each to the other.  It was the most special day!

Little did I know what was ahead!

For the traditionalists, we did go through the formal ceremony in July when we had set a formal date.  It was also beautiful, but in retrospect, the first was the all we needed (though it was fun to wear a fancy dress!).

Every year, we try to celebrate our anniversary by doing something fun and usually outdoors.  This year was a take 2 on getting a storage barrel to our bear camp up in the mountains and to do a spring black bear hunt.  We had tried the week before but kept loosing our trail in the snow and getting our feet snowed in.  We had high hopes that the snow would be much less.  It was, for a while.  We trudged our way through drifts of snow, winding back and forth to and from the trail.  I can't adequately describe how fabulous this was.  *Sarcasm!*  Then we hit this:

Fortunately, my loving husband chose this moment to suggest we bail.  I had been trying to think positively while tromping through muck, mud, & snow while tripping and sometimes falling through the snow and over hidden branches into running water below.  Finally, I was just trying to be quiet.  "If you don't have something nice to say..."  Yeah, I was not going to be saying anything nice!  My husband became my hero when he said we should just quit.  Then he really pulled out the stops when he produced a tiny bottle of wine to drink with our cheese!  It was very fun!  Suddenly, I had no problem thinking positively!

Just when I thought it couldn't get any better, he suggested we go down and head to Seward to take a Kenai Fjord tour!  This is something I have been asking to do for years but the interest just hadn't waxed as much for Pat.  I was so excited and I think he was too!  We promptly finished our lunch and made our way to Seward.  We had no bedding and were wearing matching camo clothing, so I suggested we try a thrift store to remedy both situations.  We found a lovely comforter and pillows with bed mats for cushions, and I did find a nice sweater to add to the old pair of jeans I had in the car.  Crisis averted!  Since I had "new" duds, we also hit the town and saw a movie!  It was quite possibly the most interesting movie theatre I've ever been in.  It had fascinating decor, and  I was a bit in awe of the Christmas lights around the curtained screen.  I wish I would have had my camera as it was somewhat indescribably, well, quaint!  We had a rather cool night camping in the car (we did use the automatic start to warm it up a time or two!), and made it to our dock at the appointed time.  I was very excited!  Pat looked a tiny bit tired, but he was excited, too!

From our second deck window seat, we had a great vantage point to see the first of many wildlife sightings.  The first was the Sea Otter.  There were many who were just reclining in the midday sun.  

Then came the Dall Porpoise.  We called them the Killer Dolphins.  They have coloring like the Killer Whale but are porpoise and like to play in the boat's wake.  They chased us a couple of times, but we remained safe!

(O.K., this wasn't my photo, but I thought I should show you what was splashing in the photo previous to this!)

We did come upon a couple pods of Orca's, the Killer Whale.  There were several young and female with one larger male.  It was quite obvious to tell the difference!  I kept waiting for our deckhands to lean over the deck with a fish hanging from their teeth, but I suppose these guys haven't learned those tricks just yet.  It was pretty spectacular to see them for "real!"

We were having a ball running back and forth from our cozy table inside to the upper deck to see more.  It was a little breezy up there, and the wind made it a bit chilly, so we chose not to stay outside for too long of intervals.  

We were approaching this glacier, Holgate Glacier to be precise, and this other tour boat was ahead of us.  I thought it was good to give perspective!  We followed suit and slowly advanced on the slightly calving wall of packed snow/ice.  I had never heard the calving before, and it was truly thunderous.  We only saw smaller pieces fall and it was booming, so I can only imagine what a huge chunk would sound like.  

True to form, Pat was on the lookout for bears and found 4 black bears crawling around near the glacier.  We also saw many mountain goats with cute little babies, but the real draw for Pat were the bears.  He is, at this moment (in the photo and in present tense), planning his next bear hunt, since this one proved to be a bit different!

The Orca's abound!  This is one of the male leaders of one of the pods.  They were fascinating.

The whales are what I was most excited to see, since we've seen all the other animals before.  After seeing all the Killer Whales, we began to have sightings of Humpback Whales!  They were either solitary or in a pair, and it was extraordinary to see them!  The captain of the boat would get as close as we safely could, then turn off the main engine to achieve as much quiet as possible.   You could hear them blow out as they surfaced and then slid back down.  Everyone on the boat would gasp with excitement with each fluke.  It was amazing!

Spectacular!  I couldn't think of a better way to spend a Sunday, worshiping in creation!

We did come back pretty tired.  It seems that even our dogs were exhausted and we all just crashed with pleasant, peaceful rest!  That was truly the best bear hunt on which I've ever been, and one of the most memorable anniversaries yet!