Jehovah-rapha

Wounded.  Healing.
This week in my small group we studied the name Jehovah-rapha, The Lord Who Heals.  This has not been an in-depth study of just this name, but all the names of Jesus (Lord, I Want to Know You by Kay Arthur).  This week just happened to be Jehovah-rapha.  Except nothing just happens to be.  I am loosing my presupposition that there are things that just happen to be with God's children.  I have been in need of some serious healing for some time now.  He knew this.  He came to me this week, the Great Physician.
As is likely common in everyone's life, a time of hurt seems to have arrived for me, in various forms.  Not one thing is happening to cause this, but what seems an overwhelming avalanche of pain is seeming to surround me and pin me down.  I've had an attitude of "suck it up" and tried to deal with it on my own.  After all, I figure, it could be worse.  And it could be worse.  A whole lot worse.  So many of these painful issues are not happening directly to me, but I am in the ripples.  I could be in the bullseye.  So I put my bandaid on and my strong facade.

I hate pulling bandages off.  It hurts.  I am a wimp, and I still have to ask my husband to do it for me, usually.  If he is not available, I take a hot shower to help steam it off!  Or I just leave it on an unnaturally long time.  This is not a good thing for the actual injury.
I have done this with my heart.  I have not brought my hurt to the One who Heals, but thought I wouldn't bother Him with my petty hurts.  I covered it up.  It began to need to be addressed.  It was beginning to fester.  It needed air.
I read a blog post by Beth Moore from August 10 and I realized that I hadn't been real with God about what I was doing with my heart.  In my quest to keep the God of the Universe from being too busy with trivial things of mine (sarcasm), I had begun to push my pain under the carpet so it wouldn't be seen or dealt with.  God already knows what's under there, but I needed to confess it and bring it out into the light.  I needed this reminder from Beth that I can be completely raw before my Lord.  Even if it is the most unGodly sounding rawness, it needs to come out.  My wounds needed to be exposed and washed out before a real infection set in.
I set before the Lord this week, and in tears, I told Him what I thought about how He was letting things go around here.  I told Him how much I hated it.  I told Him how much I hurt from others' actions and they didn't even get it.  I told Him how unfair it was.  I told Him lots of things.  Then my husband walked in, bless his heart!
In His infinite mercy and compassion, God did not send a bolt of lightning or leprosy or snakes or any other thing to tell me He is God and who am I?!  Instead He listened to me.  He empathized with me.  He reminded me that He felt these very things, (well, maybe not exactly) but He knew how it felt to be unjustly hurt and watch others hurt unjustly.  He knew the difficulty of taking the high road (the highest, in fact) when manipulated.  He knows it all.
 He has also heard it all.  I felt like the Israelites in the desert complaining of yet another perceived lack, when they had the visible presence of God traveling before them in the cloud, with manna from heaven on a daily basis.  I have the presence of God living inside me with the Gospel at my fingertips at any given moment and direct access to speak to Him.  And yet my first instinct is to try and heal myself.  I have reached the bitter waters at Marah, and yet God has given the tree to make it sweet.  He hung on it Himself.  All I have to do now is let His healing waters cleanse my wounds and keep it open to Him to heal.

Malachi 4:2a But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings.

Jeremiah 17:14  Heal me, O LORD, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for Thou art my praise.

Yes, Jesus, I will keep my heart open to you, all of it, so You can keep it clean and heal me by the blood of Your wounds.

Wishes

What do you wish for?

What is your greatest desire?

What fills your prayers?

My husband and I spent this morning talking together about just this topic.  We have been extremely frustrated by well-meaning Christians who "claim" promises of health, happiness, or hoards of other things and then don't receive that which they knew God would provide.  We have both had Godly people tell us that we should be very specific when in prayer and expect Him to answer favorably, because after all, God gives us the desires of our hearts.  Especially when we are earnestly praying and we are living what we believe to be God's will for our lives.  Surely then, He will give us what we want. (slight sarcasm here!)

What do we want?

When it comes down to it, for us, we only want one thing: we want God to be glorified in the life He has provided.  Period.

Our human nature occasionally makes us think we want things like new carpet, a fancy gun (that's my husbands), or a Smoothie King smoothie!  Sometimes we are cleverly told we should want things like our house to sell, good health, safety, etc.  Even our more recent desires to relinquish more of our financial blessings has tempted us to wish for more: so we can give more!  These thoughts float around us until we get back to the real center and reason for it all: Jesus.

I recently read (Yancy, Reaching for the Invisible God), "Christians in affluent countries tend to pray, 'Lord, take this trial away from us!'  I have heard prisoners, persecuted Christians, and some who live in very poor countries pray instead, 'Lord, give us the strength to bear this trial.'"

I'm pretty convinced God did not create us, provide His Son for us, give us His Spirit, strictly to make our lives comfortable.  Comfort does not generally facilitate close bonds and dependency.  I believe the Old Testament is filled with examples of this idea fleshed out.  I also believe that we are today just like the Israelites so long ago.  God created us, provided for us, lives in us to bring glory to Himself through relating with us.  When we are dependent on Him, do everything for Him, let go of our lives to be used for Him, He loves it, loves us, and is glorified through our obedience.  But He doesn't become our cosmic genie.  His goal is to make us more like Jesus, like Himself, because it really is the best option.  I really doubt this can happen comfortably at all times.  Fortunately, He does in turn provide us strength, joy, and abilities to progress until He determines we've gone as far as we can on this planet. This is a pretty huge idea that could have volumes extrapolated out, but I'll move on.

So with such a big picture, why is it so easy to focus on the little things?  I won't say I never ask God to help me with the little things, because I do, I just want the real motive to be to bring Him glory; not to have my wish fulfilled.  Who's glory is it if I get new carpet?  If I find my contact?  Why do I want my house to sell or my friend's child to be healed or my other friend's work to be calm?  Is it to bring comfort?  Is it to give God the credit and glorify Him?  Am I praying that in the horrible times my sister in Christ is trudging through, she will become so focused on Him that it will change her life, or am I just praying for ease?

Are we missing the blessing of being uncomfortable?  How can we know how fulfilling our Lord is if we never need Him?  Now, before I get an onslaught of messages telling of the blessings of God answering big and little prayers, I am not insinuating that He doesn't, won't, or shouldn't.  God does want us to ask Him for things, big and little, but secondary to living fully to glorify Him.  I have had some moments of God letting me know how interested He is in me by giving me some of those "genie wishes."  I just know that God wants way more for our relationship than that.  God wants me to grow and mature in my relationship with Him (which will serve to glorify Him, not me) and that may only come through the bond of a shared trial or other heart check to deny self.

Honestly, I don't intend to pray for trials to come.  I imagine they will all on their own.  I may just take pause, however, before I pray for them to pass or be removed.  Instead I hope I will look for my God's perspective and pray to grow through it.  I hope I do the same thing through positive experiences as well!

So, what do you wish for again?

Monday Muscle-making

I'm not much on exercise just for exercise. I think it is ridiculous to pay to "work out." Yes, I've done it, and I can't say I won't do it again. I will think it is ridiculous when I do it again. I see the big thing on blogs is to do a certain video, but let me just say... if you take up certain hobbies, you will not likely need to purchase such things! Today was a gorgeous day of 60 degree temps and full on sun that spurred my husband and I, both off work today, to work outside in the yard. We have built a new garage (well, not us exactly) and now we are building a staircase to enter the second floor loft (my husband, exactly). It is an outdoor entry and he is doing a fabulous job so far.
While I was awaiting opportunities to help him, I saw a need that I could attend to. We have a very sloped back yard and one area that we frequently walk needed stairs dug in, with the extra soil going to another area that needed filling. Fortunately, this particular area has the most wonderfully loose, somewhat gravelly soil that was rather easy for me to dig. The most difficult areas were those in which the weeds had taken a firm hold. I worked hard and to my astonishment, dug in quite a nice set of 4 stairs in the bank. We are still working on the grating that will be the actual run of the step. This project will also allow me to move some perennials from an area that is no longer sunny due to the garage to a lovely sunny bed created by the steps. When the ground warms up a bit more, I will begin the move. I want to make sure I don't hit frost - yes, there is still frost in there.
Gardening will do a lot for those arms! Especially wheelbarrow's full of dirt to move. I don't think my back will like me much tomorrow. I guess I didn't lift with my legs. I feel like I got a great amount of exercise, got to be outside (not in a stinky gym or watching a television), AND got a great project done! If you need cardio, which I absolutely hate, just push that wheelbarrow around faster and up the hill instead of down!

I feel like I'm having to stretch some spiritual muscles as well lately. In our small group book, I just finished reading about pain. Yesterday, I wrote all this out, only to discover that I'd lost a connection somewhere and the following was all gone (kept the above portions which is why they are a day off!). Probably not a bad thing, as I was rambling a lot! What I will rewrite is how much pain can hone us and our ability to love. It deepens our responses to others, making real the empathy we want to convey. I don't think anyone truly searches for pain in order to relate to others more deeply, but it is a great silver lining. I am trying to focus on that silver instead of the gray of the cloud that seems to be following me.
I am also trying to find the gratitude in my pain. I want to be thankful in all circumstances (1 Thess. 5:18, my memory verse), and I find this difficult when directly dealing with pain. I find it simple when I deny the pain and pretend it isn't there. If I continue to deny it, I won't be able to work through it and allow God to heal the hurts and bring me closer to Him.
Talk about a workout. I am thankful that He allows rests. I am thankful that He provides people to walk with us through trials. I am thankful that "In my anguish, I called to the Lord, and He answered me by setting me free!" Psalm 118:5 (another of my memory verses!)