Bedtime

 Sometimes you just have to get off the couch, go outside, and you will be blessed!  I am so fortunate to have my husband push me out of my comfort zone when I am clearly not comfortable there.  He is such a catalyst for me to see God's gifts!  Plus, on a practical side, being outside is better for one's oxygen intake, physical activity, and mental stimulation in a real-time way!

Oh, did I mention we caught fish?!  I caught the most, but Pat's single catch was the biggest!  We had a wonderful time and even had a "double" - when we both caught one at the same time!  

And to think we could have missed this by going to bed on time.

Thankful for My Morning Coffee Wake-up!

This morning I prayed for my husband as he left for work.  To be more accurate, I prayed out loud while I gave him his hug goodbye.  I rarely do this.  In fact, I think it's been years since I have done it last.  How sad.  I'm going to try to do it more often.

I am extremely thankful for the man God brought me with which to spend my life.

People are often shocked that I get up early to make my husband's lunch and see him off to work.  Right now this means getting up at 5:30.  Actually, he comes in with a fresh cup of coffee to wake me up!  Not too bad, really. He is up around 4:45 and gets the fire going, feeds the dogs, and has his quiet time. I often get looks that say, "Are you serious?" followed by the, "I would NEVER do that!" to which I usually think to myself, "That is why your marriage isn't as good as mine."

That may sound extremely pompous, but if you aren't willing to get up a little early for your spouse, are you really living in unity?  Are you giving as much of yourself to your professed loved one as you are expecting in return?  Why would you draw a line of "never" to the one to whom you vowed to love?  This always confuses me.  I would do anything for my husband, the least of which includes making his lunch in the morning and getting to start the day together.

Now, granted, I have an incredibly amazing husband who is not only an excellent provider, but also a gifted leader.  He lives surrendered to God, and I can trust him to follow Him!  This makes living in submission to each other much easier.

Notice I didn't say easy.  I'm still a human and become selfish more than I'd like to admit.  I'm also not necessarily saying everyone should do exactly what I do.  Your spouse may not care a whit about the morning send-off, but I'd bet there is something that does matter to him/her.  Usually it is something relatively small, fairly painless, and could move mountains if done regularly!  I'd also like to point out that discouraging and ridiculing someone else's act of love is highly reflective of your own level of loving.  Just saying.

If God called you to be married, then this is your act of service to Him, not necessarily your spouse.  I take the verse in Luke 16:10 to apply to marriage as well, though that takes it a bit out of context!  If I can't be faithful to show my husband love in small ways, how on earth can we hold up in hard times?   Being faithful to love each other in small ways will lay the foundation of Godly strength when the storms come.  My marriage is a huge testimony of what I really believe about God.  I know I've failed before, but in God's continuing story of redemption and second chances, I have an opportunity to let God shine through my marriage.

I love the chance to talk about what I do for my husband.  It gives me an opportunity to share how far God has brought me.  It reminds me of the gift I have and my responsibility to care for that gift.  I also hope it encourages others to give more of themselves, and then they can experience the sweet joys of selflessness.

Time for my second cup of java joy!  (O.K., my 3rd!)

Pity Party

Have you ever prayed to hear God's voice, and then when He spoke to you, you didn't particularly care to hear it?

This morning I awoke alone, as my husband is across the inlet, to near white-out conditions outside. For all of you anticipating Spring's kiss of green, I give you my look of annoyance. I know some of you can picture it now! For it is far from Spring in the wild lands of Alaska. It's also far from Spring in the manicured lands of this piece of Alaska. We still have a solid month of winter and March is often the month of many snows. Apparently, this is one of those years. It has proceeded to snow about 8", give or take, since my handsome man left one week ago.

Thus my pity party.

I expressed a bit of my frustration to my manly man yesterday about the peculiar situation of having a double car garage with an extra lean-to, and no place to park my car out of the weather. I had seemingly mistaken our building with two garage doors as a garage, when it is in fact, a shop. Silly me. You can surely see where I got my misguided ideas.

I had lamented the lack of adequate cover when my husband simply suggested I move the project pieces that were placed in this area over and thus allowing my car to fit. Yes, simple. I went out this morning planning to move the car into the garage enabling me to get it out of the way to take the 4x4 truck, as it had just snowed another 4" and blew into our driveway creating a fascinating "U" shape. I knew the car stood no chance against snow that deep.

Let me back up. In case you don't see me on facebook, I took a bit of a spill on Friday night last. I slipped on a patch of ice that was cleverly hiding underneath the newly fallen 4" of snow as of that point. It was rather painful, but I landed pretty well considering and only managed to torque my shoulder pretty hard. Nothing broken, but very sore following. I worked on Saturday and on Sunday did not rest, but rather restacked our porch supply of firewood which is about 6 heaping wheelbarrow loads. Not exactly the best thing for my shoulder.

Back to today: I went out to find I needed to shovel the snow from around my car to first enable me to center it and drive it into the garage. It wasn't too bad for my shoulder, as I tried to use my left arm for the weight. Then I went into the garage for the simple task of moving the projects. I was able to move one project without much issue. Unfortunately, it was not to be with the second. I heaved and I heaved, but alas, the welding cart with the custom bumper atop, would only scoot so far under my limited power. I even used up my super-human anger power to no avail. It was then that I began to feel very sorry for myself. I had to go back outside, scoop more snow, & move the car back over as far from the truck and as close to the garage as possible. Did I mention I had to broom off the 4" of snow from the car, AND the truck? No? O.K., at least I'm not repeating myself. I then pulled the truck out into the driveway and made sure it would make it out. It did. I backed in, pulled out, backed in, pulled out in order to drive down the snow and make it easier for me to drive out if I decided to ever take the car out again.

You may ask if I could have used a snowblower? Why yes, we do own one, but no, I am not able to use it. I have not been given instructions, and even if I had, my shoulder would have prevented me from wielding the beast. Could I have called someone to plow the driveway? Perhaps, though I doubted they would get there in time for me to get to work, plus I couldn't remember who my husband said to call. Besides, there was a "sled-bed", a flatbed that sits on top of a truck bed that allows 2 snowmachines (snowmobiles) to sit atop it, sitting in the driveway as well. I don't think plow guys like things in their way.

Any-hoo, I was quite peeved by the time I got to work. I felt that this was all avoidable, had my husband just been home and done all the work for me. After all, isn't that his job? To take care of me? I thought so. In fact, I was so convinced of the injustice of my situation, that when he called (one of the 2 phone calls he gets to have with me per day) I let him know exactly how I felt. I was not going to budge in my analysis of the morning despite the so-called "solutions" he kept throwing out. He clearly did not understand. I was so frustrated that I cut the call short and told him I needed to get back to work. We hung up.

Then I heard HIM.

That wasn't necessary, was it? You know he hasn't chosen to be away from you, but is trying to provide for you. You already know he didn't leave the items in the garage in your way on purpose. Remember how quickly he was called out to leave? You never mentioned your desire to have those things moved. And why are you relying on him to meet all your needs? Why didn't you ask ME for help in any of those things? I may have had an idea or two. You do remember that when you have tons of rationalizations, that usually means you are wrong? If not wrong, then possibly overreacting. Is this really worth being this upset? By the way, I love you.

Oh shoot. All this happened almost instantly after I hung up the phone. I've been miserable ever since. Please do not console me. My lack of peace is certainly from the Holy Spirit! I cannot call my fabulous husband, so I am waiting for him to call me so I can apologize profusely. I was wrong. I was selfish. I was expecting things that he cannot give me. I saw a friend write today, "A successful marriage is the union between two great forgivers." I am fortunate that I have one. He makes me want to follow his lead and be one too. This was one party that I'm glad is over. Kinda wish I wouldn't have attended!

Valentines Day Dress-up

For this Valentines Day, I thought I would dress up a little for Pat to go to church and actually do my hair, makeup, and I even gussied it up and wore my Grandma B's earrings! I guess it's been a while, 'cause I got a LOT of comments! I think it was the earrings, because seriously, my regrowth is becoming horrific. Unfortunately, in our NEED LESS PROJECT, touch up highlights are not on the docket. I digress. Grandma B's FABULOUS earrings:


When we got home from church and redressed in our casual clothes, Pat asked me to help him out in the shop. I thought I would continue my gifting spirit and give him a hand. He asked me to be a guinea pig and test some welding rod that he'd like to use in his upcoming welding lessons.
Oh, you didn't know? Yes, he has had the vision of giving kids an introduction to welding. He is very motivated and excited for this venture and has been working to make up a type of itinerary. He's got one boy on the list to get started this week.
I went out and let him teach me how to weld. I've never stick-welded, so this was a new one for me.

As usual, he was a great teacher! He taught me to strike an arc, how to push the rod into the weld, and coached me to take my time and make sure I penetrated both pieces of metal with the weld. He makes it look easy, and it's a little tricky, but I began to get the feel for it and didn't do too bad!
I think this actually made the better dress-up gift!

Fly Away

I'm feeling a bit lost tonight. I took my husband to the little airport (airstrip really) and watched as the small plane flew away with him in it. I am so thankful for the work that God has provided that I don't want to complain about any of it. I will miss him when he's gone. He flew across the inlet to an oil camp to work. It's not any set schedule, so I don't exactly know when I will see him again. I don't imagine it will be longer than 3 weeks, but I hope it's sooner.

The first couple days are the hardest.

This is one of the reasons we are doing the NEED LESS PROJECT. If we didn't have a mortgage, it wouldn't matter if there was no work locally. We could hold out for the work that is here.

To make matters "worse", the puppies we've had for the last 8 weeks will be all in their new homes by tomorrow. That is actually a great answer to prayer, but I have to admit, I'll miss their little faces and silly antics. It will just be me and my two dogs!

I almost lost it today when, standing on the gravel just outside the airstrip office, my very much missed husband hugged me and prayed with me. I really, really love that man. He has been growing in Christ and I feel so honored to be his wife. I often hear parents talk about how their kids give them reasons to be better people. I feel that way about my husband. He has helped me grow in so many ways, not the least in my relationship with Christ.

My husband didn't leave me alone. He left me in the care of the One who is most able to care for me. I will be glad when he comes home, though!

Mushy Monday!

Recently, my mom took some photos of my super-man and me. I just got them emailed to me and I absolutely LOVE them! I must admit, I'm not all gussied up and can probably clean up a little more, but isn't he just the most handsome?! He makes me feel all giddy!
I am madly, completely, head-over-heels in love with my husband. I know I mentioned this a little last week. In the relatively short time I have known him, I have behaved quite differently than I had pre-Pat. I would like to say all of that was for the better, and most of it has been, but a few times, I have chosen my beloved over others in a perhaps less than ideal way.
One way that sticks out in my mind, which I will forever regret and continually seek forgiveness for, was on my 25th birthday. I had been dreading this particular birthday, not because of the age, but mostly because of what I had not accomplished by this milestone. It did sound very adult, and I felt completely alien to myself. I was still learning who I was and who God was making me. Well, as a fabulously loving gesture, my mom got my sister and me tickets to go to a Women of Faith weekend in OKC over my birthday weekend! I was looking forward to it as a wonderful distraction and possible direction revealing weekend. This was until I discovered that our church was having it's annual Barn Dance that same Saturday. The love of my life and I had just begun dating, again, and it was to the point where we were beginning to have some pretty deep discussions. I was actually torn.
Looking back, I am truly horrified that I would have been so selfish to have even given this a thought, much less actually decided to forgo the WoF weekend, long planned, for a dance. Yes, I chose the dance. And Pat. I sought out some council, and was advised to do what I desired most. Really? I don't believe it was wise council.
I did have a good time at the dance, though I can't imagine what I missed. I know I missed the opportunity to bond with my mom and sister. I know I missed the chance to hear God speak truth into my life through some amazing speakers. I know I missed a fun girls-only weekend! Those are only the broad strokes. I'll never know the fine details of what I could have had, this side of heaven.
Now, I'm not saying that my husband should come after others in my life, especially not now that we are married! What I have been thinking on, however, is how determined I am to spend my life pursuing God. I gave up some wonderful times to pursue my husband, right or wrong. Do I throw all abandon and pursue my God? Would I be willing to give up some wonderful things to develop deeper relationship with Him? Am I choosing something I think is more desirable right now and missing the real opportunities for closeness?
Basically, I am asking myself if I love the Lord as much as I love my husband. More, even. Is that possible?! I have to confess that I have a hard time feeling the flutters when I sit down to read His love letters to me. I don't anticipate with watching the clock to when I get to spend time with Him. I am not as excited when I have done something specifically and secretly for Him. I have to admit, though, that it is awful hard to prepare a surprise for the Lord. That one is just for us humans to receive!
Don't misunderstand, I am far from dreading my alone time with God. I enjoy it immensely! It is one of the pleasures of life for me. I wish I could go to seminary and pursue the more intricate details of His Word. I love to discuss difficult passages and discover new applications in my life. I have no earthy idea of how people get along without God. I don't know why they would want to. Life is so much richer with my relationship with Christ.
So why the former lamenting? Well, as much as I am humanly able, I want to duplicate the love I feel towards my husband to my Lord. I never want to diminish the affection for my husband, and I firmly believe it is the way God intended marital love to be, but I just want more for my relationship with Jesus! I want to eagerly anticipate every moment I get to spend with Him - even though I know it is every second of every day! I want to present myself in my best mind, body, and spirit to the One who made me. I want to make Him happy with me by doing the things that He has asked of me, even seeking those opportunities out. I want to be madly, completely, head-over-heels in love with my Jesus.
I am so incredibly blessed to have been given a husband who lives out the Biblical principles of marriage. He shows me a glimpse of what Jesus feels for me.

Memorial Monday

I have no profound military or nationalistic Memorial Day moments. I mostly have the typical holiday experiences of a day off. I have also come to celebrate this weekend as my Anniversary Weekend!

Seven years ago this weekend (on the 26th to be exact) my man and I met with our immediate family members to say our vows under a huge Hedge tree. Ours is a funny story, at least to me.

Just over eight years ago, I moved to Wichita in order to be closer to my family. I had left a time and place that needed leaving and I was looking for a fresh start. God had already started the process by leading my sister and her family to a church that they loved. This congregation that I met included a certain drummer who played in the worship band. I saw him again when I first went to the single's ministry a Friday night in February. We actually met at a birthday party of a man that I did not yet know, but was part of the group. He asked me to dance and I was a bit smitten.

He asked me for a date in April, and I accepted. On our first date, which he dressed very nicely and I was a bit casual, we went to a nice steak restaurant. At the end of the evening I shared with him the time and place that I had left before coming to Wichita. It was one of the hardest conversations I had ever had. After a week had passed, we met again and he shared with me that he felt God was telling him "no" regarding pursuing me. He tried to assure me that it was not because of my past, but I didn't really believe him. Part of me was relieved. I didn't want a "knight in shining armor" to try and save me. I was already saved!

That summer, we tried as much as possible to not have any feelings except friendship for each other. I was still healing and growing, so I was a bit oblivious, but my man was praying for me and seeking advice about me. I wasn't oblivious to some of the niceties that he showed me and I have to admit, he confused me a couple of times! It was during this time that I found wholeness in my Lord. It was one of the most rich spiritual times of my life. I have never felt so close to Jesus as I did then. It was an amazing summer!

By the end of August, I was noticing a bit less subtlety on Pat's part and I was a bit uneasy about it. I had decided that I was going to remain single and love it! Isn't God funny when we decide our plans?! My mom visited one weekend and stayed with me, so I took her to the singles group that night. After the Bible study, we went to an ice cream shop in an upscale shopping center that had a pond with a sidewalk path around it. Pat found my mom immediately after we exited the shop and the two of them began to walk down the path with me trailing behind. It seemed they had a nice time. I was a bit peeved, but couldn't help chuckling about it. He was smart. Get in with the family first. I was still a bit unconvinced.

Somewhere in there, I had my brothers meet him. I value their opinions greatly, and I didn't want any feelings I surely didn't have to skew reality. It didn't hurt that my sister was good friends with his sister. That can reveal even more! Pat, undeterred, continued his pursuit in the most stealth manner. He is a hunter after all.

On the first Tuesday in September, I came out to my car to find a piece of paper on my car. I opened it and it had a single happy face drawn on it. I knew immediately. Pat had forgotten that when he first met me, back in February, he had given me his business card and drawn a happy face on the back. I still had it (still do). It came to pass, that on subsequent Tuesdays, I received a more and more complicated happy face messages. Finally, after a few weeks, I came to my car and, excited to find the note, found nothing. I was extremely disappointed. I figured it must have blown off or something. I went home and found affixed to my door, a lime green poster-sized paper with a huge happy face drawn on it! I laughed and laughed! I also realized that I must like this guy!

Thus began our courtship that basically taught me to trust Pat to lead our relationship. He did amazingly well. He asked to marry me in April and I convinced him to "just get married" by the end of May. We had planned a July wedding, so we kept that as a reception and ceremony for other family and friends. By the way, don't do that. I highly recommend a tiny wedding with no frills like we did, but skip the extra.

The day we were married was truly the most wonderful day. I had absolutely no stress and the most important people to me were there. The ceremony was simple and incredibly meaningful. It was intimate and exactly how I felt our marriage should start. It was all about the marriage and not about the wedding. It was perfect.

Our marriage has not been perfect, but I have to say that it has been amazing. I have not had a better seven years in all of my life. I cannot wait to see what else God has for us. I have been thinking for the last several weeks of all the ways my husband has helped me grow. I can't start listing it now, as it would go on for way too long! I'm sure that it will come out as I share. Most of the learning moments I have, had originated somewhere with him. I am so blessed. I love that we have a positive snowball effect and I want to keep it going. I find it fascinating that the Hedge tree is one of the strongest trees with incredibly hard wood. It may not look as pretty on the outside, but the heart is strong.

This weekend is the time I remember how much God loves me and gave me my husband and me to him.