Refreshment

I'm back in Kansas again!
It has been hot.
Today is absolutely perfect - 78 degrees and thunderstorms!

 Did I mention we have been able to see our N&N's?!  Not all, but 11.5 of them! (one more on the way!)

Our first day was full of hugs, and we have already had a chance to mingle and play a little Bocce with them!

This is part of why I wanted to be here.  It has been a fun welcoming.  Because lives are busy, it will be interesting to see how much I'll be able to stretch myself to watch all the football, soccer, tennis, and basketball games.

I also hope I can refuel my spirit.  I hunger for the type of relationships I've had before here, and also in AK, that can give me perspective, growth, and encouragement.  I am a little concerned for myself for the move to Africa, and I hope to cultivate relationships very intentionally that will continue through my time there.  This sounds very selfish, but I also hope to be involved in others' lives to keep myself from becoming self-absorbed.  I've learned this from a new friend I met this summer who happens to live in China right now.  (She was in Alaska this summer, to avoid confusion!)   I hope I can reach out and make this time work.  I am discovering some frustration with our single car issue, but I think God can work around that!

We have already felt some reach out to us and felt encouraged back into our former church.  I am ready and excited to drink this tall cool glass of refreshment!

Miss me?

I don't handle stress very well.

My patience level, which is not exactly a deep reservoir, becomes as thin and as strong as a sheet of cheap toilet paper.  This particular trait makes me so enjoyable to be around.  Yes, that's sarcasm.  That's another stress-induced trait that rears its ugly head.  This lack of patience and overabundance of sarcasm have led me into a couple of frustrating situations recently.  I hate this.

I'm not ending well.

I had hoped that this would be a bittersweet transition into the next phase of our lives, but right now it just feels like I want to pack up and quietly slip away.  Sadly, I'm not sure I'd be missed.

Some of the stressors are legitimate, and I frequently excuse myself with these, but my inability to refrain from contentious responses are all me.  I see a opening and regardless of my real opinion, I interject an argument.  My husband is truly appreciative of this mighty skill I have.  Especially on a Sunday morning on the way to church.

I'm not sure what I need to do right now about this.  God and I have had some talks, but I'm still tripping all over it.  Sometimes I think I just need to pull up my big-girl panties and realize that everyone is not as enlightened as I am I only have control over myself and I have the power of self-control.  God said so.  I don't have to agree with everyone, but I can respond lovingly or even choose to refrain from responding in an effort to keep the peace.

I wish I were a person who was missed.
Maybe it's not too late.

Hello? Hello? Can you hear me now?

This spring, we removed a large tree stump from between our house and garage.  It was no small feat.  In fact, it took a friend's backhoe (yes, we have a friend with his own backhoe) to dig out the surrounding soil, frost included, loosen up the roots with an ax, and then pull it out.  It took hours.  We then had a ton of backfill to do with the pit-run we had delivered earlier.  We had used this pit-run to create a positive drainage situation from our driveway to the backyard, without nearing the house or garage.  To say the least, there was a lot of pit-run.  In case you are not aware, pit-run is a "dirty sand" mixture used to form a base of buildings, driveways, etc.  It's heavy.  It settles.  It worked very well for our purposes.

Well, come to a couple days ago when I got home to find our phone not working.  It said on the receiver, "no line."  Strangely enough, my internet still worked.  Until the next day.

I called the phone company and they suggested I test the line from the exterior box and that they'd put a request in to repair it in a couple of days.  Super.  They did forward my line to my cell phone so I wouldn't miss any calls, which was nice.  

I came home from work and pulled out the princess phone; you know, the one with the "lanyard!"  I took it under the deck and opened the box and plugged the phone line into it.  Nothing.  Well, it looked like they'd be paying for the repairs, right?  Nope.  My handyman hubby came home and realized that our pit-run had pulled the main line out of the box as it settled.  Dang.  It was our fault.  The weight of our solution to our water issue had created a new disconnection.  

I hate it when that happens in my "real" life.  

I have felt so disconnected lately.  My husband can hardly believe that since I am so tied to my computer and phone.  It's not the same, though.  You know.  I wish I had been watching my "phone line" while setting up my solution for my "drainage problem."  Yeah, that's vague.  Sorry.  I'll clarify.  I have a great need to be connected to my family.  I love them tremendously.  They are incredibly valuable to me.  All of them.  I have not been able to spend time with them for a year and 3 months.  I was so set on solving the "problem" of when to come to help my sister with their travel needs to Africa that I pulled the plug on my connection.  This is all my doing.  I don't remember praying about or seeking a way to keep that connection solid, because my focus was on the other.  There's nothing detrimental about it, fortunately.  Just like our phone connection, it can be reconnected and resumed.  I'm just waiting for that to happen!  My connection is vital for me, not because I put them above my husband or that I don't rely on Jesus to meet my needs, but it's because I love them and I want to be a part of their lives.  I miss all the little things, and it's not the same to have to celebrate/grieve/live through big events through the airwaves.  I'm looking forward to the day I walk down the aisle at the airport to see familiar faces, some growing up, and I can feel a bit more connected.

In the meantime, I have been in this holding pattern waiting for our house to sell in order to see what God is going to have us do!  I was shown through our study of Experiencing God, that I need not wait.  He is working right now around me and all I have to do is join Him.  What am I waiting for?  Again I'm focusing on the weighty solution for one issue and it's disconnected me from the most important relationship.  This is a disconnect that can be immediately remedied!

Mocha on the Mount Medicine

Late again, I know.
This morning, this week really, we have been studying Matthew 7 in the Sermon on the Mount. It's the "ouch" part. Well, yes, it's all pretty tough, but this was particularly finger-pointing.
Does "the pot calling the kettle black" sound familiar? Yeah, that's the section that I have been mulling over.
I wonder if the measure I have doled out judgment is going to be applied to me? In some respects, I hope it is. My ultimate desire is to have the wisdom to use the Word as my measure. As much as I agree that we should "measure up," I also know that it is impossible. I know that it is not my place to pronounce judgment. Does that even make sense?! It does in my head, so forgive me if it is a bit disjointed!
All this to say, that I have been really pressed to carefully examine the potential for logs that require eye surgery. "Why do you see the speck in your brother's eye, but fail to see the beam of wood in your own? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me remove the speck from your eye,' while there is a beam in our own? You hypocrite! First remove the beam from your own eye, and then you can see clearly to remove the speck from our brother's eye." I have seen anew the directions here. We ARE to help each other see more clearly, but only if we can see clearly ourselves. We are also to do this without a critical or judgmental spirit. That's my "ouch."
My own pride seems to be inflated when I can "discern" what someone else ought to do. I can surely see the situation much more clearly and my ideas are most certainly God's will. It just makes the most sense. And doesn't God always make sense to us?! While I can see the huge error of this thinking, I do think it is applicable to help each other. It just all depends on the heart attitude. I can only be effective in helping others if I am humbly seeking God's will for me. If it is God's will for me to help others, He will give me the tools to do so. That often requires eye surgery. I am then forced to see if I am living up to the standards that I want to set up. Of course, none of us can if our standards are God's standards. My heart is then put in check, and I can more properly discern if I should become involved or not. God will open the door if necessary.
Lord, help me not to worry so much about what other people do, but rather where my heart is. I want to honor you with my words and deeds, but mostly with my heart. I ask that if you call me to intervene in anyone's life, that it is all about glorifying you and truly helping them, not filling my pride. Keep me aware of my state of grace whenever I feel a critical spirit towards others coming. I still see the brevity of life and want to build my relationship with you that sustains me when other relationships fail me. Help me to continue to seek your glory, not my own.