Hanging Out

I don't really have a concise quip for this one.  Something that makes you go "huh!"

I am in a season of anticipation.  I am so ready to start the next stage of our lives, yet so unprepared.  I am wanting to soak up as much family time as I can, yet savoring the time to myself.  I feel the need to educate myself, and also to leave room for being taught.

I know God is preparing me for all the future contrasts I will encounter.  He is giving me the opportunity in this familiar environment to work through some of this.  I am not too sure I'm doing a great job though.  I know that I have things to do, but I know that the work will be inevitable, so I am leaning toward the soft comforts now.  I don't think it will serve me well in the end!

Perhaps I am like the shoes: meant for pounding the pavement, but hanging out and enjoying the view - at least until it rains!

Kisses From Katie ~ Book Review

I had pre-ordered this book when I first heard that I could.  In fact, I accidentally ordered 2!  Interestingly, it has taken me a long time to actually pick it up and read it.  I knew that it would convict me of all the things I like to complain about through the winter.  I knew that it would show me how to see Jesus in the people that I wasn't sure I wanted to be near.  I knew it would break my heart.

I guess I didn't feel like being broken.  I thought that if I held myself together with my list of complaints and rationalizations, it would feel better.  Maybe it would have, but only if you are willing to be broken can you experience healing.

I just finished this book and it was everything I had thought it would be.  Katie's story is really pretty simple:  she said "yes" to Jesus.  It's not an easy story, parts of it are excruciating, hilarious, disgusting, and beautiful.  It is a real and honest look at the costs and joy of following Jesus for one particular person.

Not everyone's journey of following Jesus will look like Katie Davis', but reading about her story and how her realizations of how American materialism takes the need for Jesus away struck a chord.  We live in a time and place where if we need something, we go get it.  I am especially guilty of this.  When the Autumn season arrives, my husband and I have to consciously stop buying things we want for the sole purpose of leaving something for gifts.   I haven't ever had to rely on Jesus to provide my needs, though He does.  I know we rationalize our feelings here by saying that God gave us our jobs and we do them well, and that is how He provides.  Yes, that's true, but that scenario relies heavily on my own power.  I've never been in a place where Jesus was the only option.  There is a part of me that desires that level of closeness with Jesus, then honestly, there is the selfish part of me (a way bigger and stronger part) that sees the costs and wonders if its worth it.  Then I remember how dissatisfied I am with my cushy life and wonder if its worth it not to follow Jesus with complete and utter abandon.

I read Katie's story, and it has given me an even greater sense of anticipation of what God has for us next.  I do sense that God will move us.  I don't know where or when, or really even for sure.  I now have more assurance that it will be hard, excruciating even, hilarious, disgusting, and beautiful.  It will be worth it.

Unmotivated

I'm feeling the need for some real motivation.  I have tried to put on the swimsuit, make lists, think of the disappointment of my husband...all of it just makes me feel bad.  Not motivated to move.  

I have a love-hate relationship with my new leather reclining loveseat.  It is really comfortable, it's beautiful, and it fits my style as well as the space limitations in our living room.  It beckons me in the morning after my husband leaves for work to come wrap up in the electric blanket and sip my coffee in luxurious comfort.  I succumb.  Pulled out of my cocoon only by the need for another cup of coffee, this is where I have my quiet time, read the news online, and catch up on Facebook.  I turn on the news at 7, and begrudgingly take my dog for his walk no later than 8.  I always feel glad when I get back.  But then that beautifully soft leather begins its seduction again.  I wonder if it has time travel capabilities, as I often find I have lost hours while sitting in this loveseat.  It is not a good motivator.  Neither is it's side-kick, the electric blanket.  How cozy the two of you make me!

So now you see my problem.  I cannot get rid of my fabulous furniture.  Alas, what is to become of me if I continue to slob away in the seat of sloth?  I have an idea, and trust me, it's not pretty.  I am contemplating using the loveseat as some sort of reward, but as with anything, I need accountability.  No, you cannot help me here.  I will lie to you.  I will.  As frustrating as it is, I must increase my self-discipline with nothing more than...self discipline.  Ironic, I know.  And not very fair, I must say.  Surely my ability to make spreadsheets would help me here, or my gardening skills, or even my penchant for strange humor, but no.  It seems I am going to be forced to dig deep (gardening skills ARE helpful!), and make myself get off this loveseat.  At least before my husband gets home.