Metal Monday

My husband and I are having a fundraiser to help with my sister's adoption fund! My marvelous man is a whiz at welding and a master at metal, and created these crosses to sell for my sister! (amazing alliteration, eh?) We are calling this: Alaska to Africa!
If you are interested, there are several of the above smaller crosses that measure 7 3/4" x 5" and are $10.00 (plus shipping). The layered cross below is measured at 18" x 11 1/2" and is $40.00 (plus shipping). He is, at this very moment, crafting a smaller version of the layered cross and is open to custom orders.
So, why are we doing this? My husband had the idea and since he is not working much, he does have time to invest in this project. Why not keep the money ourselves, especially if we have a limited income right now? Because, this little boy needs to meet his parents as stress free as possible, and if you haven't noticed, when you help others, it keeps your needs in perspective! We have so much, and though we are in a slow time, we still have more than many. We are also hoping that this will take off and we can begin to use the profits to help other orphans in Africa. If you would like to participate in this fundraising and perhaps finish any Christmas shopping at the same time, please let us know!

Monday's Meme

I will partake in a meme about the ABC's of Thanksgiving! I simply cannot limit it to one word. I could probably go on and on, but I will spare you the excessive reading and try to stay relatively short:

A: Adam
B: Becky
C: Chris, Cambria
D: Dad
E: Existence of God
F: Fall
G: Grandma and Grandpa (missing Grandma B)
H: Hannah, Hudson
I: Internet
J: Julie, Jackson, Joshua, Josh, Jana, Jesus
K: Katy, Kaylee
L: Lesli, Linda
M: Marc, Mia, Makenna, Mom
N: Nativity
O: Orphans finding families
P: Pat, Phil
Q: Quiet
R: Raegan, Rusty
S: Sydney
T: Toby
U: Uggs
V: Very strong cheese!
W: Winter wonderland walks
X: Xeriscaping
Y: YAHWEH
Z: Zeal for Jesus

Do you see a theme? I am so thankful for the people I love. I could do this everyday for a year and never have the same words (except for those pesky letters!). I am blessed.
Happy Monday!

Monday's Mishap

I have never been able to make chocolate chip cookies.
Nope. Never.
What happens? Well, I don't know. They usually do not cook in the middle. Like these.


Lest you think I have not tried every possible difference on the planet, I have. I have tried:
Butter, Margarine, Shortening, 2 1/2 cups flour, 2 1/4 cups flour, even more flour, Muscovado brown sugar, light brown sugar, dark brown sugar, different amounts of brown vs. white sugar, many different flour mixes (especially now since my hubby is Celiac and cannot have wheat), tried airbake pans, stones, cheap cookie sheets, all with no real success. I am not really asking for tips. I have given up on trying to make a chocolate chip cookie that looks any different than this:

Let me tell you why.
This crumbly, gooey, crispy mess of a cookie may look hideous, but it still tastes good! It is perfectly filling it's purpose in its life. It is making our taste buds happy. It does not need to look good to do it.
I was simply going to share my mishap, but then it hit me. How are we like these cookies? Oh, yes, I'll go there!
We may not look like something lovely to the world, but God made us and we can fulfill His purpose for us. Pretty cheesy, I know.
It sort-of related to what I randomly posted on my facebook page. I did one of those "pick the closest book, turn to page 56, type in the 5th sentence" thing. That sentence was profound to me. "God does not always use us for tasks the world would think spectacular, powerful, or significant." This is from the book I'm reading, FINDING PURPOSE BEYOND OUR PAIN, by Meier & Henderson, MD's. We may not end up winning the prize for most spectacular looking, but I hope I make my maker's taste buds happy! Well, you know what I mean!
Here's to more mishaps that lead me closer to my Lord!

Momentous Monday!

This is one of my favorite girls in the whole wide world. Can't you see why?! I love this picture and I've shown it before, but I can't help it. She's been on my mind this week.
My sister told me that my little gal (really she's my sister's little gal, but I'll take her any day!) had asked Jesus to come into her heart! At that moment, my heart just burst! I'm a pretty emotionally proud Aunt! My sister, not wanting to dismiss this momentous occasion, but wanting to understand the depth, asked her why she wanted to do this. Her answer is the very best answer I have EVER heard: "I just love Him so much!"

Every time I think of this, my eyes well up and I just about loose it. It's a similar reaction to when I learned of each of my N&N's decisions to give their hearts to Jesus. I just don't know if I've heard such a perfect motivation. I know mine wasn't! I was a little concerned about my level of fire resistance. Jesus knew it was also that I trusted Him to keep me safe. But really? I just love Him so much!? How absolutely perfect is that? I don't think I can add anything. My 4-year-old niece has just surpassed all my knowledge and study with the simplicity to which God calls us. It's really all He wants of us. I hope I can be like my niece when I grow up and be able to say about the things I do: "I just love Him so much!"

Mushy Monday!

Recently, my mom took some photos of my super-man and me. I just got them emailed to me and I absolutely LOVE them! I must admit, I'm not all gussied up and can probably clean up a little more, but isn't he just the most handsome?! He makes me feel all giddy!
I am madly, completely, head-over-heels in love with my husband. I know I mentioned this a little last week. In the relatively short time I have known him, I have behaved quite differently than I had pre-Pat. I would like to say all of that was for the better, and most of it has been, but a few times, I have chosen my beloved over others in a perhaps less than ideal way.
One way that sticks out in my mind, which I will forever regret and continually seek forgiveness for, was on my 25th birthday. I had been dreading this particular birthday, not because of the age, but mostly because of what I had not accomplished by this milestone. It did sound very adult, and I felt completely alien to myself. I was still learning who I was and who God was making me. Well, as a fabulously loving gesture, my mom got my sister and me tickets to go to a Women of Faith weekend in OKC over my birthday weekend! I was looking forward to it as a wonderful distraction and possible direction revealing weekend. This was until I discovered that our church was having it's annual Barn Dance that same Saturday. The love of my life and I had just begun dating, again, and it was to the point where we were beginning to have some pretty deep discussions. I was actually torn.
Looking back, I am truly horrified that I would have been so selfish to have even given this a thought, much less actually decided to forgo the WoF weekend, long planned, for a dance. Yes, I chose the dance. And Pat. I sought out some council, and was advised to do what I desired most. Really? I don't believe it was wise council.
I did have a good time at the dance, though I can't imagine what I missed. I know I missed the opportunity to bond with my mom and sister. I know I missed the chance to hear God speak truth into my life through some amazing speakers. I know I missed a fun girls-only weekend! Those are only the broad strokes. I'll never know the fine details of what I could have had, this side of heaven.
Now, I'm not saying that my husband should come after others in my life, especially not now that we are married! What I have been thinking on, however, is how determined I am to spend my life pursuing God. I gave up some wonderful times to pursue my husband, right or wrong. Do I throw all abandon and pursue my God? Would I be willing to give up some wonderful things to develop deeper relationship with Him? Am I choosing something I think is more desirable right now and missing the real opportunities for closeness?
Basically, I am asking myself if I love the Lord as much as I love my husband. More, even. Is that possible?! I have to confess that I have a hard time feeling the flutters when I sit down to read His love letters to me. I don't anticipate with watching the clock to when I get to spend time with Him. I am not as excited when I have done something specifically and secretly for Him. I have to admit, though, that it is awful hard to prepare a surprise for the Lord. That one is just for us humans to receive!
Don't misunderstand, I am far from dreading my alone time with God. I enjoy it immensely! It is one of the pleasures of life for me. I wish I could go to seminary and pursue the more intricate details of His Word. I love to discuss difficult passages and discover new applications in my life. I have no earthy idea of how people get along without God. I don't know why they would want to. Life is so much richer with my relationship with Christ.
So why the former lamenting? Well, as much as I am humanly able, I want to duplicate the love I feel towards my husband to my Lord. I never want to diminish the affection for my husband, and I firmly believe it is the way God intended marital love to be, but I just want more for my relationship with Jesus! I want to eagerly anticipate every moment I get to spend with Him - even though I know it is every second of every day! I want to present myself in my best mind, body, and spirit to the One who made me. I want to make Him happy with me by doing the things that He has asked of me, even seeking those opportunities out. I want to be madly, completely, head-over-heels in love with my Jesus.
I am so incredibly blessed to have been given a husband who lives out the Biblical principles of marriage. He shows me a glimpse of what Jesus feels for me.

Makin' a Name, Monday

When we first moved to Alaska, I began to rethink my goals in life. Instead of my high school dreams of becoming a corporate big-wig and financially successful, I began to think that my new God-given title was to be "World's Best Wife." As corny as sappy as that sounds, I'm incredibly serious. I began to really have moments (albeit short-lived) of putting my desires and needs below another's. I tried so many new things and determined to enjoy them! Unbeknownst to me, I actually did enjoy many of the crazy adventures. I discovered that I like to canoe, and really, can it be more beautiful?!I also discovered that, although I don't love the hard work per se, I love reaching a goal of ascending a new height on a hike. I can't wait to get snowshoes. I enjoyed snowmachining (riding a snowmobile for you "outsiders"), and I discovered that I don't like it enough to keep the machine. I love walking the dogs in the woods. I love being able to see mountains. I love catching Silver Salmon on the second day of the Swanson River Canoe trip. I love seeing all the bears. I mostly love the joy my husband has when he gets to participate in all his enjoyments! I love making him proud of me when I accomplish something that he's taught me.

In all of that self-awareness, I must confess that this selflessness is a hard fought fight every time. I am a second child that constantly wishes for acknowledgment. Since I can remember, I have been building my own bricks to make myself a tower for others to see and give me my acclaim. If not acclaim, at least acknowledgment. I wanted to make a individual name for myself, not connected to anyone else and better than anyone else.
I had never thought much about the tower of Babel story having much implication for my life. Oh, isn't God funny! I was truly struck in my Thursday Group when Jennifer talked about how we do the exact same thing. I have been so determined to carve out a name for myself that I didn't realized that God already named me. I am enough to be His. What could possibly be greater? Living Stones trump bricks any day.

Monday Morning

This is my sunrise this morning. I just stepped outside and took this picture from my back porch. It's really quite lovely. Living up here, I often feel in awe of the beauty of God's creation. I told my husband recently that I hoped heaven had a place outside of the New Jerusalem that had mountains, and that I wanted to be there instead of the "city." As ludicrous as that likely sounded to God, I think there's a reason why mountainous regions evoke heavenly awe. At least for me, they do! I realize there can be beauty in the desert, but the desolation quickly overcomes me. No hard feelings, desert-dwellers (literal ones)!

I'm reading the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan (Bloom book club), and finished chapter 5 recently. Chapters 4 and 5 are like a 1-2 punch. In the gut. I imagine, as I've no recollection of ever being punched in the gut. These chapters have made me really look at what I consider myself to be, as far as "Christian" goes.
To make matters "worse," I've also started the Me, Myself, and Lies Bible Study by Jennifer Rothschild with my Thursday night group. I honestly didn't think I was perpetually telling myself lies. Is there a 3-punch? Perhaps it was an uppercut. Anyway, I have begun to realize that my lie-telling self has been building up my pride with things like "I deserve to have that", "You are doing enough", "They are lucky to have you, and they don't even realize it." Then I have that false humility of realizing my pride and going the opposite: "You don't even have a bachelor's degree; what do you know?", "You made some serious lapses of judgment while you were a Christian. Your testimony is marred beyond repair."
So, how do these beat-down sessions connect? Well, I have realized how far I fall short in what I give to my Creator. I see everyday how much He has given to me, if only in the Creation He so perfectly gave. He made not only this amazing and complex world that the Discovery Channel so beautifully displays (though it's seriously flawed in it's interpretations), but He made me. He made me on purpose. For a purpose.
To put myself on a pedestal and elevate my needs above my Lords, is a seriously ridiculous action. I do it all the time. I pat my proverbial "god" on the head and tell him it's enough for now, and I'll get back to him later. After all, I've done a fair share. On the flip side, it's just as preposterous to tell the One who made me of all the flaws in His work, or what He made won't work like He wants.
Am I that puffed up? I don't think that's a lie. I think that's one truth in that "thought closet" that needs to clean out some of the garbage that's been collecting. My creator gave me everything I have. He has also given me the ability to give it all back. The strange thing is, if I do, I'll receive even greater gifts, though that is not the motivation. Jesus told us to give EVERYTHING if we truly love Him. Look what He gave. I am so lucky to have Him, and I don't even realize it.
Well, sometimes I do.

Missing My Man Monday

I'm pretty sad, really. I leave for 2 weeks on my adventures and it seems like it's not a big deal. This time, I'm the one that's been left at home. I'm in a little mini-depression. I haven't had the motivation to cook myself one single meal. Nope. Not one. Yes, I'm a little prone to laziness, but I think it's more that I miss my husband.
To make matters worse (for me), one of my sweet friends got engaged and is all gooey and sweet over her fiance (which she should be)! I couldn't be happier for her, and it's been so much fun to share in her joy. I spent some time with her and her man yesterday and then came home to my dogs. Have I mentioned that, although I love the dogs (like I love cheese), I don't love them like my husband does. They just don't fill that gap for me. I felt a little down. A bit bummed.
I wondered how much this mimics my feelings when I have had a disconnect with the Lord. I don't seem to lose it completely, but I get a little off. The nice thing about my Jesus, I don't have to wait til He comes home on a plane. I just invite Him to join me again, and He's there. He's always there, but sometimes I put things in front of Him and I seem to lose sight of Him. I hope I get as excited when I reconnect with Jesus as I do when I see my husband.
I can't go any deeper. I'm just missin' my man too much!

Monday's Motivation

I don't know how one can watch this and not be moved to live out our religion as James 1:27 so perfectly states, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." I see this verse over and over with my family's adoption stories, but it is so important. In all the Mary Kay, Pampered Chef, jewelry, Tupperware, and other parties that are driven by our desires to primp and gadget ourselves to oblivion, there are real live children who are wondering if they will eat today. I'm not saying the former things are evil, but are they really what we should be putting our money, time, & energy towards? I'm not pointing fingers, really; I used to sell MK. We are so invested in our self esteem, self image, self, self, self. I have just been so burdened these last weeks to not only pray for these who are truly the "least," (according to our inflated American standards) but to find something to DO. I feel so inadequate, but if I can, I should. James also states that "to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin." The Lord calls us all to different actions, and I can only challenge you to fast and pray to discover what it may be that He is calling you to DO. I am taking the opportunity for the entire time my husband is gone, to "fast" from the grocery store. I am going to spend my two week grocery budget on a particular place that the Lord has shown to me. Just one idea. There are millions. Now watch and be motivated.

Ethiopian Orphans from Simon Scionka on Vimeo.

Moved

On Friday, a family from church lost one of their young sons in a horrific accident. He was 9. I don't believe the age really matters when you lose a child. I have another friend from church who unexpectedly lost a son just recently, who was married with kids of his own. It has been a rough summer for our church family.
I read in other blogs how God sustains those who go through such tragedy, and I have seen firsthand how He has sustained these close to home. I have been very, well, impressed, I suppose to witness the responses of the family left here on earth to grieve and yet celebrate their loved ones' true homecoming. I was truly struck by the mother of the young son. She sent an email to some of the church family explaining what happened and how they are doing. In it she said, "Yet, we know that when ***** was formed in His Mother’s womb, that August 21, 2009 was already established as his homegoing day. " (name removed for their privacy)
I was moved beyond words. The family is not just saying they trust Christ, but they are showing it in the deepest sense. In fact, both families are showing Christ's strength in their lives.
I was also reminded of how Scripture tells us to remember our mortality. We all have a specific time on this planet. We are given works to do in His name and we have a charge to fulfill. We, as believers, do not wonder what our purpose is in life, who we are or what life is about. Don't get me wrong, we wonder about how that all fleshes out, but the big picture is; it's all about glorifying God in our lives. Most often that path is one of the hardest to follow.
Our culture is all about making sure the "self" is protected and nourished. The "self-help" sections of bookstores are filled with numerous step programs to try and give the individual self-esteem, self-awareness, self-whoknowswhatelse. Interestingly, God's word says to put others in front of yourself. Self focus becomes selfishness and that rarely leads to happiness. We don't deserve to be happy. Certainly not if we are focused on that as an end goal. If we focus on the real goal of glorifying God in our lives, that will likely be the hardest road we travel at times, but if we take that road, we won't be alone. There won't always be the happy feelings, but there will be joy. Allowing God to lead and trusting Him for the strength to go that road is the best possible option for living life to the fullest.
I wish I saw more Christians taking that road, instead of the worldly comfortable one. I am encouraged deeply to bear witness to the families who are living and breathing God's strength moment to moment. We all get to decide which camp we will belong to, despite what some may feel. Sometimes we try both, but I see much more peace in one. I continue to lift both families in prayer, but to be honest, they are teaching and helping me much more.

Monday's Mocha on the Mount

I have started a study by Sandra Glahn called Mocha on the Mount. It is, probably obviously, about the sermon on the mount. I've been stuck on the concept of "blessing." I was really moved by the author's revelation that blessings are not what we typically think; money, health, anything else that we desire. Blessing "depends on being rightly related to God despite external circumstances."
When am I blessed?
When I am poor in spirit, when I mourn (over my sinful state), when I am meek (humble, gentle and lowly), when I am hungry and thirsty for righteousness, when I am merciful, when I am pure in heart, when I can be a peacemaker, and when I am persecuted for my righteousness.
Nowhere does Jesus say I am blessed when I have more money than I thought so I can buy a new couch, or when my day of fishing is good when I have a pantry full of food, or any other moment when I've received more than I deserve and choose to keep it for myself.
True, these things can possibly bring me blessing, but only if it brings me closer to my Savior.

In church yesterday, we had a visitor who spoke about the truly impoverished in Kenya. He spoke about how his ministry brought Jesus to children along with soccer and clean drinking water. He spoke about how these are the people about whom Jesus referred to when he last told his disciples to "GO!" These are the nations that need to hear about Jesus and these are the nations that are persecuted for righteousness.

Am I blessed? I don't really know. In my comfy American terms, yes. In my uncomfortable, low, persecuted terms, no. I have to be honest and agree in part with Ken Gire in The Reflective Life, as quoted in the study:
"But honestly I want to be like the Christ who turned water into wine, not the Christ who thirsted on a cross. I want to be the clothed Christ, not the one whose garment was stripped and gambled away. I want to be the Christ who fed the five thousand, not the one who hungered for forty days in the wilderness.... This is the dark side of Christianity, the side we don't see when we sign up. That if we want to be like Christ, we have to embrace both sides of His life. What else could it mean when the Bible talks about 'the fellowship of His suffering'? How could we enter that fellowship apart from suffering? How could we truly know the Man of Sorrows acquainted with grief if we had not ourselves known grief and sorrow?"

Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to them. Matthew 5:10

Missed it Monday

Sorry, y'all. I can't do it today. I am so tired and it is too late for me to do more posting. I'll try soon and tell you all about my new favorite piece of massive furniture that I had prepared the perfect alliteration for today, but alas. It will have to wait. I'm also being severely sarcastic. It really needs a picture that I haven't taken, so we'll have to hold the suspense. I hope you are not too disappointed. O.K., off to bed!

Monday.

Today, I hurt.
Could be worse, but I am sore.
People who pay to work out should move here. There's more to do up here that will kick a person's heine and you can save some dough doing it!
Yesterday a friend of mine had invited my husband and I to join them in the adventure of dipnetting. Dipnetting is a subsistence only form of "fishing" for residents to fill their freezers/cans with salmon. You literally dip a net into the river and scoop up the fish. It sounds a little easier than it is.
First let me share that I tried this fascinatingly ludicrous sport a couple years ago. I joined our Pastor's family and one other family on the banks of the Kenai River, right at the mouth where it empties into the Cook Inlet. We were fortunate to have connections and plop ourselves on private property to avoid the "combat netting" that ensued on the public beach. I was amazed at the amount of people who converge on "my" backyard to scoop the fish. This particular day was not so lovely and I stood up to my chest in my chest waders (only a few inches to spare) in the surf, yes surf, with a long net in my hands hoping to catch a Sockeye, or Red Salmon. To make an ingloriously long story short, it took me 4 hours of standing there to catch one stupid salmon. Oh, and I did get wet. I didn't exactly want to repeat that experience.
Two years later we enter the most recent past when my friend B calls, super excited, and asks if we'd like to go dipnetting! I think excitement is contagious, and I found myself wanting to go! I talked to my man and he even wanted to go! We called back and confirmed our intent to join them in this adventure!
We met them and made it to the river by 8:15 AM or so. It was cool and foggy, but perfect weather when you are wearing rubber rain gear. It didn't take long before Pat landed our first Red. I hadn't known exactly how this worked in a boat, but it was pretty simple. You lower the net as far down as possible (7' depth was our lucky depth) and try to keep it about 6" above the river bottom. Keep in mind that the Kenai River is not a little creek. This is a pretty solid river system that is capable of carrying large numbers of large fish! To hold a net while the boat is slowly purring downstream is an odd feeling to this previously landlocked lass. It was also harder than I thought. My triceps started screaming within a half hour. I started to prop the handle of the net against my body and now have an odd bruise on my stomach. Note to self...use the legs.
We stayed out on the river through the low tide, tide change and then up to the next high tide. This was a long time, but was fascinating to learn how the river works on the tides. The five of us on the boat ended up catching 19 Sockeye, 1 King Salmon, a few Pinks, and a million Sole. Sole is a flat bottom fish that looks like a skate or halibut with prickly scales. We kept a couple to try and discovered that they don't taste bad, but lack a bit in texture. No wonder everyone kept tossing them back. Bummer, though, since they were super plentiful.
I personally caught a few Reds, and many sole, but mostly some rays. My face is burnt. I normally protect my fair skin, but forgot the spf that day. I paid for it. Not only are my arms, shoulders and back telling me of their every move, but I have some seriously tight, dry skin on the face. My moisturizer today was Aloe Vera!
One thing I realized throughout our dipnetting adventure, was that it is so much about the friends, and less about the fish. We had a lovely time getting to know R, B, and E. We were blessed by their procalmations of God's blessings and the way they saw the positive in situations (yes, there were a couple "situations"!). I hope we are able to bless them as much as they blessed us. I also hope we all get some seriously good sleep tonight!

Monday's Meat

Have you ever seen something so lovely? This bridge was on a hike I took with my fab husband and dogs a couple weekends ago. It was such a pretty sight. Then my husband happened.
As we were walking across the bridge, he started to shake it. Bella seemed unaffected, as usual, but Rowdy squatted, lowering his center of gravity and slowly stepped across. It was actually pretty hysterical. We tried it again with him and he did it again, but not a third time.

Yesterday, my bridge was shaken under me and it made me step more cautiously. It was a good shake. I was in Sunday School and one of the gals said something that really struck me. She had observed that there seemed to be a very "me" attitude in worship at times. Prayers and songs that ask for many things like filling of the Spirit, comfort, peace, etc., but then they stop. She said that these things are only good if they prompt us to act. WHY should the Spirit fill us? So we can feel better and good about ourselves? The next question should be "then what?" What is the purpose of being filled in the Spirit or any other desire? The motive should be to further the Kingdom, not to feel good.
I was suddenly compelled to pull out my memorization pack and flip through what verses I had chosen. Had I done the same thing? I quickly looked and, to my relief, several verses were not one-sided, and many were praises directed to the Lord. I was not completely without a "selfish" verse, as my most recent is 2 Samuel 22:34 "He makes my feet like hinds' feet, And sets me on my high places."
I was moved to figure out why God would do this. Why would He give me the stealth and steadiness and grace required to succeed in difficult circumstances? It is not for my glory. I have heard and seen more often over the last couple months the exclamation that God will not share His glory. All that He does for me and through me is for me to direct the focus to Him, not for my personal comfort.
I listened in church so intently and cautiously. I was on my bridge and it was a little shaky. I didn't just sing the words of the songs, but really chewed on them. I was so caught by the notion that I could fall into the cycle of asking for good things, but then stopping. I was so aware of my part in the story. The story that's not about me. I'm still chewing!

My Masculine Monday

We finished our study on mattering and I am reflecting on one of the things that the author pointed out: women tend to measure their worth in "masculine" terms. This means that we create a checklist of things accomplished in a day and find worth in the amount of items or type of things done, as opposed to finding more value in the emotional or relational things that women are usually drawn to. This discrepancy can lead to women feeling less valuable or that the things we do don't matter as much. This is obviously a generality.

Today I had a marvelously masculine mattering Monday!

I didn't start out too jazzed, and fell asleep on the couch after my handsome hubby left for work. After dragging myself around and getting the dogs fed, I went outside. This was about 8:30 AM. I didn't come back inside until noon, and only to feed myself and get a load of laundry going. I came back inside at 4:30 PM. I finally had enough sun and forced myself to come in to fix dinner and get some house work done. What did I do outside, you ask? Oh, let me share!
I took the dogs for a long walk in the woods, which was good for my still-sore muscles from our 12.5 mile hike on Saturday. We came back and loaded up in the canoe, just Bella and I (Rowdy swam), to hack down some of the lily pads that are invading our pond. No, they are not pretty. Clear water to reflect the scenery is pretty, just so we are on the same page. I see the rabbit.
I often get distracted when I am outside by the sight of my greenhouse and must go in and visit my plants. I desperately need to photograph them as they are practically perfect in every way. A little Mary P. for y'all. After giving the thirsties their fill, I had to start on stacking the firewood near the house. We have a little stack that is on the porch for early morning fires - yes we still start them. Why not? Oh, you are hot down there? Forgot. That's too bad. (note sarcasm here!)
Oh the rabbits.
After stacking the new pile, which came from a junk wood stack that was down a hill that a wheelbarrow couldn't go, by the way, I moved on to another little project. I found one of those weed wacker things at a garage sale a couple months ago and just had to get it. It's those hand-held bushwack things that you swing and it swaths the weeds away. I have no idea what they are called. So much for my gardening knowledge. Anyway, I pulled that out and had my way with a few dandelions that were taunting me. I also had the last word (or maybe not) with the cottonwood suckers that are popping up in an old wildflower bed. All this while trying not to swing and hit my dogs who were sweetly playing/hunting in the yard, or my feet.
Deciding that this was not enough to kill me, I moved on to the main project of the day which required me to change into shorts and a tank top! Oh, yes. I had to go and find them in a storage tote and fortunately they still fit me (not bad for not wearing them in 3 years!). I changed and took my reflective self outside to soak in the rays as I continued my bank bed. Remember that one I showed before? Yeah, I've done a bit more. I'll have pictures someday. You'll just have to read about it and imagine all the loveliness before I burst your bubble and show the reality. I'm still proud. It is a ton of work. Pretty close, anyway if you weighed all the wheelbarrow's full of "sod" (if you count weedy, weak, half-dead grass, sod) and dirt that I hauled. I haven't finished it, but I did another fair sized section. Oh, and that reflective self forgot to put on sunscreen and now has a bit of pink. I'm usually quite proud of my cancer-free skin and avoid tanning beds (sunbathing is not so common up in these parts but the beds are as common as the coffee houses), but this bit of sun felt like heaven. It was crazy to feel the sweat drip down off my forehead. Shorts! Apparently, my nose and shoulders must be huge and shaded out my legs completely. They are still reflective.
Anywho, my list of accomplishments go on to include making lasagne for dinner, with rhubarb crisp for dessert. Oh, and the kitchen counter (I only have one) is totally clean, the dishes are clean and the diswasher was unloaded and put away! The table isn't completely covered either, which is saying something. We won't talk about the floor - I can't do everything, gosh!
I did more than I thought I'd do today, but didn't get much on my original list done. I still must email my group and soak my hands in Vaseline. Scratch that last one. It seems the scratchy hands make nice back scratchers for husbands.

I know I wasn't very relational today, but golly, I felt like I got a ton of work done! It really only matters to me and my dogs who benefitted greatly today. I hope God got a kick out of me today. I regret to admit that I didn't thank Him for any of it until I was finally in the shower, washing His creation off of His other creation. I think He still saw me and it made Him glad. I thoroughly enjoyed my Monday!

Memorization Monday

And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance;
and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope;
and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

Perseverance brings PROVEN CHARACTER. Proven. Sticking it out makes a difference. It is so important. Character, no, Proven Character brings hope. A fascinating connection. I don't know that I would have thought to lead character into hope. But then, it's not just any hope! It is the hope that does not disappoint! Did you see that God POURED out His love? Poured it out. Gushed. And into our hearts?! I know, my sentence structure is pathetic. I can't think in complete sentences right now. I'm in awe. He chose my heart to pour His love into by the Holy Spirit. There is so much to unpack from this verse. It's not really about tribulations or sufferings. I'm stuck on the love poured out. Do I leak out any of that love that was poured into me? Do I show the hope that does not disappoint? Have I shown Proven Character? How do I deal with my petty tribulations? It's all about the love. Poured. Out. In my heart.
Poured out.

Monday's Molar Message

We went to the dentist today. Yes, WE. I finagled Pat into an appointment for a cleaning/checkup and I went in for a bite adjustment from a small cavity that gave me the most intense pain ever due to a simultaneous sinus infection. Yeah, ouch.
This appointment was so much more simple than the one I had last Wednesday. I had never had such pain and hope to never experience it again. Everyone, brush your teeth and FLOSS! This cavity was fairly small, barely detectable on the X-ray, and in-between my molars. Oh, and to add to the fun, I have jaw issues and can have my jaw lock up. I went in and after finding this minute molar mess, I had my jaw jacked open with a little plastic thingy. That's the technical name I'm sure. This is when my anxiety kicks in. With no ability to close my jaw, I have to do some mental exercises to calm my rising panic. Pretend Lamaze breathing seems to just make me hyperventilate, likely because I'm doing it incorrectly. Is that why I get nauseous? My heart rate is unaffected by the positive mental attitude that I try to realize. I often do realize the muscles in various parts of my body are tense and about to cramp, so I do the flex/release methods to relax. It's ridiculous, I know.
I finally found a method that worked for me. Remember that scripture memory I've been doing? I remembered to meditate on my verses and run through all of them, at least all that I could remember which was most. It was not immediate, but it made my mind focused on something entirely different. I was no longer trying to "not think about my jaw and the pain" and truly set my mind on things above. Especially since it took some effort to recall all the verses, my mind almost forgot my surroundings. I still had the muscle tension that I had to force release, but the panic sensations relaxed. I think my heart rate even lowered.
I must admit that my first reaction to my rising panic was embarrassment. I was too embarrassed to pray for any help to get through the appointment. Seriously? There are way worse things that prayer should be saved for. A dental appointment is not life-threatening or life-saving. Usually. I just felt that I should be able to handle such a trivial event, for Pete's sake. (Who is this Pete for whom we are all doing things?) After likely laughing off His throne, God probably had the Spirit prompt me to remember my memorization. It was all I needed. If He asks me to be faithful in very little things, won't He be faithful, too? Oh, how I love my Father!

Monday Makeovers

These are some of the cabinets that my bargain hunter brought home a week or more ago. Can you believe that someone left these at the dump?! I'll admit it. They are a dump find. Not officially dumpter diving since they hadn't make it to the dumpster yet, but pretty close. He just knew they could be used somewhere in our home or garage with just a little TLC. Well, finally this weekend, before my monster sinus infection hit, I got a couple cabinets primed and we put them together to form a tall cabinet/hutch. I think it would be pushing it to call it an armoir, so we'll just keep it a cabinet!
We had it painted (by the way, don't those white garage walls look nice!), and found some trim to go on the bottom. There are several shelves inside and provide me with some much needed storage in the bathroom, which had none. I am not sure that the cabinet is finished. I have ideas to use some of my photo's of flowers on it somehow as well as more painting. I was anxious to have storage!
Remember this project?
Well, I got motivated and couldn't stop with just the steps. Eventually, it will go the length of the house back to that tree in the background (that will eventually go). I debated on posting this picture, because I don't like my mulch. It is just some natural ground debris I found in my woods. The blue spruce is the purchase we made in honor of our 7th Anniversary. My husband made my day by suggesting we buy a tree every year for that honor.

One thing I've noticed about makeovers this last week; they don't come without hard work. Shortcuts may produce a final product, but it won't be what you like. Do-overs always take longer and it's best to do it right the first time. Are these projects perfectly finished? Not remotely. Am I? I hope not.
I'm wondering how much work I must be to make over. I want to be made over in Christ's image, but the work is intense. I am so thankful that my Creator doesn't have to deal with do-overs. He knows just what I was, what I am, and what I will become. My potential is limited only by my refusal to let Him make me over. To think of my tree or rocks telling me where they'd like to go is likely as ludicrous as it is for me to tell God what I think my purpose and path should be. I just hope there isn't too embarrassing of a before picture...

Memorial Monday

I have no profound military or nationalistic Memorial Day moments. I mostly have the typical holiday experiences of a day off. I have also come to celebrate this weekend as my Anniversary Weekend!

Seven years ago this weekend (on the 26th to be exact) my man and I met with our immediate family members to say our vows under a huge Hedge tree. Ours is a funny story, at least to me.

Just over eight years ago, I moved to Wichita in order to be closer to my family. I had left a time and place that needed leaving and I was looking for a fresh start. God had already started the process by leading my sister and her family to a church that they loved. This congregation that I met included a certain drummer who played in the worship band. I saw him again when I first went to the single's ministry a Friday night in February. We actually met at a birthday party of a man that I did not yet know, but was part of the group. He asked me to dance and I was a bit smitten.

He asked me for a date in April, and I accepted. On our first date, which he dressed very nicely and I was a bit casual, we went to a nice steak restaurant. At the end of the evening I shared with him the time and place that I had left before coming to Wichita. It was one of the hardest conversations I had ever had. After a week had passed, we met again and he shared with me that he felt God was telling him "no" regarding pursuing me. He tried to assure me that it was not because of my past, but I didn't really believe him. Part of me was relieved. I didn't want a "knight in shining armor" to try and save me. I was already saved!

That summer, we tried as much as possible to not have any feelings except friendship for each other. I was still healing and growing, so I was a bit oblivious, but my man was praying for me and seeking advice about me. I wasn't oblivious to some of the niceties that he showed me and I have to admit, he confused me a couple of times! It was during this time that I found wholeness in my Lord. It was one of the most rich spiritual times of my life. I have never felt so close to Jesus as I did then. It was an amazing summer!

By the end of August, I was noticing a bit less subtlety on Pat's part and I was a bit uneasy about it. I had decided that I was going to remain single and love it! Isn't God funny when we decide our plans?! My mom visited one weekend and stayed with me, so I took her to the singles group that night. After the Bible study, we went to an ice cream shop in an upscale shopping center that had a pond with a sidewalk path around it. Pat found my mom immediately after we exited the shop and the two of them began to walk down the path with me trailing behind. It seemed they had a nice time. I was a bit peeved, but couldn't help chuckling about it. He was smart. Get in with the family first. I was still a bit unconvinced.

Somewhere in there, I had my brothers meet him. I value their opinions greatly, and I didn't want any feelings I surely didn't have to skew reality. It didn't hurt that my sister was good friends with his sister. That can reveal even more! Pat, undeterred, continued his pursuit in the most stealth manner. He is a hunter after all.

On the first Tuesday in September, I came out to my car to find a piece of paper on my car. I opened it and it had a single happy face drawn on it. I knew immediately. Pat had forgotten that when he first met me, back in February, he had given me his business card and drawn a happy face on the back. I still had it (still do). It came to pass, that on subsequent Tuesdays, I received a more and more complicated happy face messages. Finally, after a few weeks, I came to my car and, excited to find the note, found nothing. I was extremely disappointed. I figured it must have blown off or something. I went home and found affixed to my door, a lime green poster-sized paper with a huge happy face drawn on it! I laughed and laughed! I also realized that I must like this guy!

Thus began our courtship that basically taught me to trust Pat to lead our relationship. He did amazingly well. He asked to marry me in April and I convinced him to "just get married" by the end of May. We had planned a July wedding, so we kept that as a reception and ceremony for other family and friends. By the way, don't do that. I highly recommend a tiny wedding with no frills like we did, but skip the extra.

The day we were married was truly the most wonderful day. I had absolutely no stress and the most important people to me were there. The ceremony was simple and incredibly meaningful. It was intimate and exactly how I felt our marriage should start. It was all about the marriage and not about the wedding. It was perfect.

Our marriage has not been perfect, but I have to say that it has been amazing. I have not had a better seven years in all of my life. I cannot wait to see what else God has for us. I have been thinking for the last several weeks of all the ways my husband has helped me grow. I can't start listing it now, as it would go on for way too long! I'm sure that it will come out as I share. Most of the learning moments I have, had originated somewhere with him. I am so blessed. I love that we have a positive snowball effect and I want to keep it going. I find it fascinating that the Hedge tree is one of the strongest trees with incredibly hard wood. It may not look as pretty on the outside, but the heart is strong.

This weekend is the time I remember how much God loves me and gave me my husband and me to him.

Monday Muscle-making

I'm not much on exercise just for exercise. I think it is ridiculous to pay to "work out." Yes, I've done it, and I can't say I won't do it again. I will think it is ridiculous when I do it again. I see the big thing on blogs is to do a certain video, but let me just say... if you take up certain hobbies, you will not likely need to purchase such things! Today was a gorgeous day of 60 degree temps and full on sun that spurred my husband and I, both off work today, to work outside in the yard. We have built a new garage (well, not us exactly) and now we are building a staircase to enter the second floor loft (my husband, exactly). It is an outdoor entry and he is doing a fabulous job so far.
While I was awaiting opportunities to help him, I saw a need that I could attend to. We have a very sloped back yard and one area that we frequently walk needed stairs dug in, with the extra soil going to another area that needed filling. Fortunately, this particular area has the most wonderfully loose, somewhat gravelly soil that was rather easy for me to dig. The most difficult areas were those in which the weeds had taken a firm hold. I worked hard and to my astonishment, dug in quite a nice set of 4 stairs in the bank. We are still working on the grating that will be the actual run of the step. This project will also allow me to move some perennials from an area that is no longer sunny due to the garage to a lovely sunny bed created by the steps. When the ground warms up a bit more, I will begin the move. I want to make sure I don't hit frost - yes, there is still frost in there.
Gardening will do a lot for those arms! Especially wheelbarrow's full of dirt to move. I don't think my back will like me much tomorrow. I guess I didn't lift with my legs. I feel like I got a great amount of exercise, got to be outside (not in a stinky gym or watching a television), AND got a great project done! If you need cardio, which I absolutely hate, just push that wheelbarrow around faster and up the hill instead of down!

I feel like I'm having to stretch some spiritual muscles as well lately. In our small group book, I just finished reading about pain. Yesterday, I wrote all this out, only to discover that I'd lost a connection somewhere and the following was all gone (kept the above portions which is why they are a day off!). Probably not a bad thing, as I was rambling a lot! What I will rewrite is how much pain can hone us and our ability to love. It deepens our responses to others, making real the empathy we want to convey. I don't think anyone truly searches for pain in order to relate to others more deeply, but it is a great silver lining. I am trying to focus on that silver instead of the gray of the cloud that seems to be following me.
I am also trying to find the gratitude in my pain. I want to be thankful in all circumstances (1 Thess. 5:18, my memory verse), and I find this difficult when directly dealing with pain. I find it simple when I deny the pain and pretend it isn't there. If I continue to deny it, I won't be able to work through it and allow God to heal the hurts and bring me closer to Him.
Talk about a workout. I am thankful that He allows rests. I am thankful that He provides people to walk with us through trials. I am thankful that "In my anguish, I called to the Lord, and He answered me by setting me free!" Psalm 118:5 (another of my memory verses!)