Hanging Out

I don't really have a concise quip for this one.  Something that makes you go "huh!"

I am in a season of anticipation.  I am so ready to start the next stage of our lives, yet so unprepared.  I am wanting to soak up as much family time as I can, yet savoring the time to myself.  I feel the need to educate myself, and also to leave room for being taught.

I know God is preparing me for all the future contrasts I will encounter.  He is giving me the opportunity in this familiar environment to work through some of this.  I am not too sure I'm doing a great job though.  I know that I have things to do, but I know that the work will be inevitable, so I am leaning toward the soft comforts now.  I don't think it will serve me well in the end!

Perhaps I am like the shoes: meant for pounding the pavement, but hanging out and enjoying the view - at least until it rains!

Embracing Fat!

 We've come to know "fat" as a dirty word.  It hasn't always been that way.  In fact, in many past and present cultures, being fat is a sign of success and power.  Actually, things haven't changed much.

 In the same way that 15th century artists depicted beauty in the fullness of figures, I've found a new appreciation for the term, "fat."  Several years ago now, I heard a previous pastor of mine talk about the need to be F.A.T. in order to be a successful leader.  Faithful, Available, Teachable.  I've found that the same principles apply to life in general.  I've also discovered that these qualities are almost as difficult for me as maintaining good eating & exercise habits!

Being Faithful is so easy in concept.  The kicker on this one is that it is a "time will tell" principle (also taken from Pastor Williams).  Being faithful in something for a very short time is, well, not that impressive.  I've often said that I could do just about anything for a short period of time, and that's often as long as I last.  It's when we can be faithful for the long haul that matters.  Faithfulness is an aspect of the fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22), and thus can only really be mastered by the Spirit-led person (as mastered as humanly possible!).  It is a difficult thing to be faithful in trying circumstances, but even David as he ran for his life encourages us to "Be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who hope in the LORD."  He was convinced, and rightfully so, that "The LORD preserves the faithful and fully recompenses the proud doer."  (Psalm 31:24, 23b)

Availability is a little easier for me right now, sort-of.  I like to plan my life to be easy-going.  This doesn't necessarily mean I want to use my free time in service.  In fact, just today I spent a fair amount of time making calls and arrangements for a firewood ministry my husband leads.  He is busy right now with work, but I am available.  I admit it isn't as fun to spend hours on the phone planning logistics, but I am glad I can help.  It is obedience.

Teachability is probably my hardest one to master.  When I enter a new field of interest, I cannot wait to consume all the information possible.  I love to become an expert on things that interest me.  Other things, not so much.  Just ask my husband.  Unfortunately, I am not good at feigning interest and consequently, my poor attitude often prohibits any information from sinking in.  I tend to give the blank look and angrily give up before the lesson is over.  That is not a quality of being teachable!  Just like being faithful throughout the difficult times, I believe being teachable is necessary in the less than desirable times.  

So here's to developing our FAT Qualities!  And eating better...

The Grass is Greener Syndrome

 Having spent the last month in the bay area of California, I have remembered my love of the color green. I was sent rather short-notice and packed a bit too warm for the area.  It didn't take me long to soak in the green grass, blooming lavender and other flowers around my hotel.  It was a sweet consolation for an otherwise difficult job.

Upon my return to a very snowy home back in Alaska, I quickly began to wish for a change of "home."  Why did it have to snow more this year than ever?  (I don't know the exact numbers, but we have had a LOT of snow this winter... so far.)  This means that it will take even longer to see my own lawn this year.
Oh how I miss green grass!
As if God knew this would be in this brain of mine, he set it to my Pastor to quote someone, I forget who, saying, "If the grass is greener on the other side, then it's time to water your own lawn."

I could get all negative and literal, explaining the desire to water my lawn but it's covered in 5 feet of packed snow, but I'll take the figurative intention and realize that I have ways to make my life content.  Most of this "watering" is rooted (pun intended!) in spiritual discipline.  I must admit that I am lacking in this most important way.  When I stop feeding myself with the Word, I feel distracted, flighty, discontent, and ungrateful.  I look at others and pine for whatever they have that seems to be lacking in my life.

On CBS Sunday Morning, a show I must watch every week, they had a little segment discussing the falsity of the literal "greener grass" syndrome.  Let me explain.  When one looks over a fence or what-have-you at the lawn across the way, it often appears to be greener because of the angle of the view.  Grass blades are long and slender, giving the most green color viewing from the side.  When looking upon the same blades of grass from above, the view is more of the tips and edges, and often some dirt, giving a much less green appearance.

Basically it's perspective.  When I think my life is too lowly for me to participate in it, and I feel like changing lawns, what I really need is to get down and roll around; get my eyes to the level of the blades.  This may mean getting dirty, grass-stains and all, to really see what I have.  (There are so many puns & allegorical thoughts here, but I'll restrain myself - they could get very old!)   I have to engage more deeply in the life I have been given to nurture it.  Then maybe, just maybe, someone else will ask what I'm doing to have such a healthy, green life, and I can point them to the Maker and Sustainer of it all.

Wishes

What do you wish for?

What is your greatest desire?

What fills your prayers?

My husband and I spent this morning talking together about just this topic.  We have been extremely frustrated by well-meaning Christians who "claim" promises of health, happiness, or hoards of other things and then don't receive that which they knew God would provide.  We have both had Godly people tell us that we should be very specific when in prayer and expect Him to answer favorably, because after all, God gives us the desires of our hearts.  Especially when we are earnestly praying and we are living what we believe to be God's will for our lives.  Surely then, He will give us what we want. (slight sarcasm here!)

What do we want?

When it comes down to it, for us, we only want one thing: we want God to be glorified in the life He has provided.  Period.

Our human nature occasionally makes us think we want things like new carpet, a fancy gun (that's my husbands), or a Smoothie King smoothie!  Sometimes we are cleverly told we should want things like our house to sell, good health, safety, etc.  Even our more recent desires to relinquish more of our financial blessings has tempted us to wish for more: so we can give more!  These thoughts float around us until we get back to the real center and reason for it all: Jesus.

I recently read (Yancy, Reaching for the Invisible God), "Christians in affluent countries tend to pray, 'Lord, take this trial away from us!'  I have heard prisoners, persecuted Christians, and some who live in very poor countries pray instead, 'Lord, give us the strength to bear this trial.'"

I'm pretty convinced God did not create us, provide His Son for us, give us His Spirit, strictly to make our lives comfortable.  Comfort does not generally facilitate close bonds and dependency.  I believe the Old Testament is filled with examples of this idea fleshed out.  I also believe that we are today just like the Israelites so long ago.  God created us, provided for us, lives in us to bring glory to Himself through relating with us.  When we are dependent on Him, do everything for Him, let go of our lives to be used for Him, He loves it, loves us, and is glorified through our obedience.  But He doesn't become our cosmic genie.  His goal is to make us more like Jesus, like Himself, because it really is the best option.  I really doubt this can happen comfortably at all times.  Fortunately, He does in turn provide us strength, joy, and abilities to progress until He determines we've gone as far as we can on this planet. This is a pretty huge idea that could have volumes extrapolated out, but I'll move on.

So with such a big picture, why is it so easy to focus on the little things?  I won't say I never ask God to help me with the little things, because I do, I just want the real motive to be to bring Him glory; not to have my wish fulfilled.  Who's glory is it if I get new carpet?  If I find my contact?  Why do I want my house to sell or my friend's child to be healed or my other friend's work to be calm?  Is it to bring comfort?  Is it to give God the credit and glorify Him?  Am I praying that in the horrible times my sister in Christ is trudging through, she will become so focused on Him that it will change her life, or am I just praying for ease?

Are we missing the blessing of being uncomfortable?  How can we know how fulfilling our Lord is if we never need Him?  Now, before I get an onslaught of messages telling of the blessings of God answering big and little prayers, I am not insinuating that He doesn't, won't, or shouldn't.  God does want us to ask Him for things, big and little, but secondary to living fully to glorify Him.  I have had some moments of God letting me know how interested He is in me by giving me some of those "genie wishes."  I just know that God wants way more for our relationship than that.  God wants me to grow and mature in my relationship with Him (which will serve to glorify Him, not me) and that may only come through the bond of a shared trial or other heart check to deny self.

Honestly, I don't intend to pray for trials to come.  I imagine they will all on their own.  I may just take pause, however, before I pray for them to pass or be removed.  Instead I hope I will look for my God's perspective and pray to grow through it.  I hope I do the same thing through positive experiences as well!

So, what do you wish for again?

Sour Grapes

Yesterday I went to the grocery store for just a few items.  It amazes me how that can multiply once you see what's on sale or what your hungry belly decides it will implode without.  I was instantly in a bad mood upon entering the store due to the insane amount of tourists/dipnetters in town that were clogging "my" store.  I tried to quickly gather the items on my list plus one (I only allow myself one item off my list, so I consider carefully!), and get to the long check out lines.

I was in the produce section when I was stopped in my tracks.  There she was: a woman in her late 50's or early 60's (old enough to know better) and not looking as though she was starving was helping herself to the apparent buffet of grapes.  I was horrified.  I blatantly stared and hoped she'd catch my eye and my expression of "Are you seriously eating those grapes of which you have not paid?".  I even thought in correct grammar!  Anyway, she never looked up at me and kept her focus on her sampling of the grapes.  She was talking to herself and muttering that she thought they tasted good!  Perhaps she would go ahead and actually pay for some.  I finally had to leave lest my rising anger would spill over and I would start pointing at her and yell "THIEF!  SHE'S STEALING GRAPES!  GET HER!"

Seriously.  I really wanted to start yelling.  I could not believe the brazenness of this woman to literally steal food in front of so many.  Apparently, I was not the only one who lacks the self-control to confront someone of their error in a positive manner as she wasn't stopped by anyone else.

As I drove home, I replayed that scene in a million different ways with my favorite being the time I posed as a police officer who was off duty.  That was fun!  Probably not what Jesus would have done, however.  I'd love to know what He would have done.  Hmmm.  He may have had some insights that I didn't.  Still, I was really angry about this woman's blatant disregard for what was right.  I couldn't shake it.  Didn't she realize how unsanitary it was, regardless of the whole fact that she was eating for free?  I couldn't sleep last night for the replay going on in my mind.

I finally asked myself why on earth was something so trivial bothering me so deeply?  I don't really know.

Then I wondered why the other injustices that go on in front of me, so much more with modern media, go without such a reaction.  Shouldn't the fact that little girls in the tent cities of Haiti are being raped every day make me more angry?  Shouldn't the fact that over 26,500 children will die just today from preventable diseases stemming from bad water, no food, or a mosquito bite make me sick to my stomach?  Why doesn't the knowledge that just now a 15 year old girl got kicked out of a Russian orphanage with little more than what was on her back and no hope of help from anyone but a member of a sex slave organization make me want to yell and scream?

Actually it does.  Sometimes.

One thing I just can't do anymore is to get emotionally upset at the injustices and then walk away.  Perhaps that was the best thing for me to do at the grocery store under the circumstances, though maybe I should have mentioned it to a manager, but I cannot walk away and just think about how wrong things can be.  I must do something.  It can be overwhelming to see statistics about what is happening in our world.  I've chosen to forget the statistics and focus on one.  There is one that can be helped by something I can do.  Just think if we all focused on just one.  Or two.  At least one at a time.  God doesn't expect us to do more than what He equips us to do.  If He equips us, we must obey and not walk away mumbling to ourselves how terrible "it" is.

Prep for Showings

I've been painting A LOT!  I totally repainted the upstairs (tv room) and bathroom and worked to clean out and eliminate clutter in order to streamline the rooms.  I've spent much energy preparing our home and trying to keep it ready for a last-minute showing.  To my dismay, the floors are incapable of staying clean.  Somehow the kitchen and bathroom continually need work.  Why can't we just live in the garage for a while?!

The thought occurred to me: How much to I prepare my heart (as Christ's home) for His coming?

I rarely give too much thought to the second coming or end times.  I tend to feel that dissecting the details of what may happen is a waste of time when, regardless of your views, the implications are exactly the same: Love God and Love People to show God's Love!  I was challenged, however, to ponder how ready I am to show myself to my Lord, whether He comes to me or I go to Him.

Do I have too much clutter in my life?  Am I hoarding things that speak more to the things of my own personal desires and not the desires of Christ?  If I was called to Him tomorrow, what would I want to clean up, remove, or redo?

One of the things that I am currently struggling with is my "purpose."  Because we have chosen to keep our family as it is, we do feel we are uniquely situated to do something.  I don't exactly know what.  It's part of our NEED LESS PROJECT.  We want to position ourselves to be able to be used in whatever way God calls us.  At this exact moment, I don't feel ready to meet Christ.  I want to redo a few things and I'm not sure how long to wait to begin.  I want to pursue purpose!  My heart is telling me there is more than what I am doing and that I have a calling that is greater.  Fortunately, I know God is working and as I am listening, I am confident that God will reveal His desires for me.  I'm pretty sure my life will be changing in the next year and I'm not sure how, exactly.  One more thing I can find comfort in, is that God is using this moment to prepare me for whatever it is He will do.  Time is never wasted.

In the time I have been given, I want to do better preparation.  I need to de-clutter and spruce up a few places in my life and spend a bit of effort on places that I have been letting go too long.

This is a showing for which I want to be prepared!

Wrestling with Communion

I've been having a little wrestling match with God about Communion. Without spoiling the surprise, I did not have a Jacob moment. I didn't win.

I love participating in the Lord's Supper. It has always held a sense of awe for me even when I was a child and couldn't participate. I remember the first time I took Communion. I felt so grown up and excited. I think the bread and grape juice were especially amazing that first time! I've had various emotions through the years regarding this tradition. Some experiences have been filled with joy while others seem to weigh me down with the enormity of Christ's sacrifice. This time I was a basket case of determined feelings.

Yesterday I had asked my husband if we were going to participate in the whole Communion service. He said we were. I asked why. He said because. I was very confused because we had never stayed for the entire thing before. Let me explain, because I can tell you are also confused!

Of the many lovely denominations that I have attended before, I have never experienced a three-fold celebration of Communion. What this means is that not only is the bread and the cup shared, but also a full meal (think potluck) and footwashing. There are some within the denomination who feel there is a precise order to which all this should follow, but my fabulous pastor has shaken things up the last few times. Crazy, I know! He's like that! Anyway, the last time we celebrated Communion, we observed the bread and the cup at the end of the regular church service, and then those who wanted stayed for the meal and the footwashing. We chose to avoid the second two parts, but I was so grateful for the opportunity to take Communion in my familiar fashion as it had been years since I had participated due to the previous order of the ceremony.

I have never had my feet washed in a ceremonial fashion before and to be quite frank, it sounded weird to me. Oh, I know it has a beautiful symbolism, but I thought even that was lost on us culturally with our wool sock-covered, warm shoe laden feet. We don't often wear sandals around these parts (unless you are in high school which seems to warrant all kinds of strange apparel choices - oh I'm old). I was also quite positively in disagreement to the sense of absoluteness that the meal and the footwashing were part of what Jesus wanted us to commemorate. I was going with the majority rules argument on that one, along with my extensive Biblical training. (Sarcasm, in case you don't know me well!)

Our church often has what we call "carry-in dinners." This is what I used to call potluck! I had worked all day yesterday painting and hadn't fixed anything as of 9:30 last night. My husband, still positive that we were going to participate in all three parts of Communion, suggested I do a crock pot roast or stew that could just be thrown together and cooked overnight. Oh, fine.

This morning I woke up tired and a bit annoyed that I had to not only participate in this long, drawn out tradition, but I also had to get up early and be at church by 8:00 AM for my man to practice for music worship. I wish I could say I was more supportive, but I wasn't.

I began to read in Isaiah during the practice time while drinking my coffee. This was part of my off-and-on reading and I found myself in chapter 58 which has a subtitle, "True and False Worship." I'll share more on what God told me through that time later, but suffice it to say, I was beginning to feel myself being challenged.

I skipped Sunday School with the excuse that the usual teacher was gone, and I just didn't feel like "sharing." Instead I went to the closest grocery store, milled around, and came back to church in time for the fellowship time before service. By this time, I had looked up in Scripture more reasons to why I was right in my thoughts.

My plan was to participate in the first two aspects and wait in the car for Pat to finish the footwashing. I was sure the wrestling match was over. I was fighting for position hard on this one.

We began to sing one of the songs in the middle of worship and God spoke to me. I can't explain how He did it, but He very clearly said to me, If you won't even wash feet, why would you do anything that really required sacrifice?

I felt my position completely faltering.

If you won't do things that seem impractical, how can I show you my Supernatural?

I'm slipping.

I think you need to get over it.

I'm out. I'm tapping, but He's not done.

You know it's about me, not you. So, on the practical side, are you actively doing the practical things that serve others instead of the symbolic act of washing feet?"

I'm now wishing I could lay flat out in submission and humiliation.

Just at this moment, we began to sing the song, Heart of Worship, and I sang in all earnest, "It's all about you, Jesus."

My heart was so changed through that exchange, and I thoroughly enjoyed every part of our three-part celebration of Communion today. I did not have any momentous breakthrough regarding my feeling of awkwardness during the footwashing. I still think it's weird and uncomfortable! It may not be quite as awkward next time, though.

I also realized that there may be issues that I could possibly be right about, but God is asking me to do it anyway. How about that one. Will I participate in something that God wants me to do when I don't want to do it, and really, it's not a huge salvation issue? How high do I value obedience? I decided today that if God wants me to do something and He clearly states it to me, I will obey. Period. He wins!