Oh Vanity!

I was visiting with a co-worker the other day and explaining the reasons why I no longer wear shorts.

I, for some reason, still own one pair and actually donned them for two hours last summer while I was working out in the yard and it reached an unearthly temperature of 72.  It was on the south side of the house, there was no wind, and I'm positive the thermometer read 90-something.  It was only for two hours, though, and I was able to quickly revert back to my jeans once the sun began it's northern fall.  Yes, the sun sets in the north up here in the summer, and come to think of it, also rises in the north in the summer; just opposite sides of north!

When we moved up to The Great Land, I was not saddened to relinquish my shorts, as I never particularly liked pictures of me wearing them.  I couldn't remember feeling awkward with them on, but really hated those pictures!  I clearly needed TLC's What Not to Wear's help in choosing the right fit, but instead, moved to a place that no longer dictated that I wear them.  I began to notice the melanin leaving my legs once we arrived in this great state.  It happened rather slowly, but definitively.  I chose at one point to pay for the opportunity to have cancerous rays accompanied with luscious warmth poured around my body.  I've often suggested that the owners of such establishments have a room that has Happy Lights, a sauna, and then a spray tan!  I'd pay for that.  Well, I did convince the melanin to return to my skin through those months, but I felt a bit like I was playing cancer roulette.  I haven't been back.

Just recently I have noticed the "cancer-free" look of my legs again, and have been tempted to return to the warming lights of destruction.  (I've heard too many real-life tales of skin cancer to pursue it too much)  I have realized that cellulite is much, much less visible on tanned skin.  I was also alerted in the last few moments that I have sprouted yet another lovely situation that I can only assume would be less visible with less of a contrasting color of pigment.  I have had a couple varicose veins behind my knee for some time and have lamented that genealogical curse a number of years back.  I've just discovered that I am now in the possession of spider veins as well.  Oh joy.  As I am not likely to spend the incredible amount of money for such a vain vein, I may feel the need for some tinted lotion.